Day 22

A favorite joke... uh? I don't really tell jokes. And I kind of hate when other people do. So I decided to do favorite comedian instead. Mine is Jim Gaffigan. I could watch Beyond the Pale a hundred times and still laugh out loud. In fact, I first watched it when pregnant and I literally peed my pants like three different times thanks to that particular show.

Jim Gaffigan – Cake – Beyond the Pale @ Yahoo! Video

Progress

I just wanted to thank all you guys for your ideas, and sympathy. Where would we be without the internets!? I took Swistle's idea of giving the medicine just a drop at a time, which I kind of was already, but I took it to even more extreme forms. With the baby it still isn't working, unfortunately- he can drool out ANYTHING, it seems- but it worked with Eli. I also took Misty's idea and wrapped him in a blanket (gently!) and then straddled him so all I had to do was hold his face still with one hand and then squirt the meds with the other. So that made the process significantly quicker and less traumatic. I also went to the local health food store on Jess's suggestion and got chewable probiotics for Eli and a powder for Jameson. So hopefully that'll work out too, because Jameson's diaper rash is pretty epic right now. Ugh.

Also thank you to my mom for bringing me Kleenex and chocolate. Though, my scale does NOT say thank you. Most people lose weight when they get sick, but apparently I am not most people.

Oh, and the dishwasher is magically working again! So thank heaven for small mercies.

Surprise! More Whining! Oh Yeah, And A Recipe

Before I continue to complain about the Plague, I must refer you to Misty's comment in my previous post, wherein she explains how she used to have to basically straight jacket her son to get him to take his medicine. US TOO. He's had three doses of it so far and every single time, what should have been about a twenty second process has taken at least twenty minutes, beginning with a gentle talk about how everyone needs medicine, if he takes it quickly he'll barely even taste it, look, we can stir it into some juice! blah blah blah, then on to the bribery, then the frustration and threats of bedtime and lots of "Do you WANT to stay sick?! YOU HAVE TO TAKE THIS!" finally deteriorating into two adults grimly holding a child down and pouring medicine down his throat while he gags and sputters and screams and the other two children stare at what basically looks like some water boarding type torture. AND I now have to call the doctor to get more of the medicine because about three quarters of it has been miserably spat out and uselessly drooled onto the floor. Good bye, thirteen dollars worth of antibiotics! Good bye, sanity!

Oh AND AND Jameson's been on his antibiotics for two days now (with only barely more pleasant episodes of medicine administering) and is still only nursing enough to stay alive, basically. I have never had to pump so much in my life. I actually have milk in my freezer, for the first time ever! The baby is still wetting a few diapers a day, and crying tears, so the doctor said he's not dangerously dehydrated yet, but man does this suck. And he is so unhappy because he's hungry... he wakes up at night SCREAMING, and it takes me five minutes to calm him down before I can even try to get him to latch on. Then he'll drink for five minutes, if that, before returning to miserable angry screaming, then finally chew his fingers to get to sleep. The instant diarrhea (with subsequent instant diaper rash) from the antibiotics isn't helping him, any, either. Sigh. Anyone know if it's safe to give babies acidophilus powder? And yes, I've tried giving milk to him from bottles with no luck. Should I just use a medicine syringe and try to get a few teaspoons right down his throat?

OH HAI! AND ALSO MY BRAND NEW DISHWASHER IS BROKEN! The end.

P.S. Day 20's topic is a favorite recipe. So uh, here ya go: my current favorite recipe.

Sarah's Winter Special

1. Go to any drugstore
2. Casually peruse aisles/frantically comb store with the nose of a bloodhound to find section of clearance Valentine's Day merchandise.
3. Select as many giant boxes of chocolate as you can buy at once time without feeling shamed. (This will vary to personal ability. I for instance can buy up to four at a time without acting like a guilty addict at the check out counter.)
4. Alternate sips of coffee with bites of chocolate. Continue throughout day as needed for mental health.
5. Pump a lot of milk to try to suck the fat out. (This also will vary according to ability. You personally may not be lactating. In which case, eh, maybe don't eat the whole WHOLE box in one day. Or do. Who cares.)

That's Ear Infection For The Win

Well, whoever had their money on "ear infection" as being the culprit behind Jameson's increasing displeasure re: nursing just won themselves a big fat jackpot. I had my money on it, too, but you can have my share of the take. I'll be here in my house playing nursemaid, so I won't be able to go blow my winnings on manicures or massages just yet. Someone might as well, though.

Just for funsies, it's a double ear infection, and DING DING BONUS PRIZE Eli has a double ear infection too; both boys are enjoying the accompanying fever (last night, Jamie's was almost 104,) drippy nose, raw upper lip from wipe wipe wiping, and general disposition of an injured bull. That's the second round of ear infections for the boys in as many months. In a really timely turn of events, Eli has suddenly decided he hates any kind of liquid medicine and will ONLY take chewable tablets. This would be fine if he only needed acetaminophen, but since he now requires antibiotics, guess which lucky schmuch is going to get to wrestle a medicine syringe into his screaming mouth twice a day?

I'm going to need a breather before I attempt it, though, since I just used up every ounce of my strength trying to follow the doctor's advise and administer saline drops and then suction out Eli's nose. (Result: total fail.) Poor kid's lip is so red the skin is almost open, so the doctor said he's at risk for impetigo if it doesn't heal up a little. He strongly urged me to suction out his nose several times a day so it isn't running constantly. "Oh ok!" I said breezily, while my heart sank. No problem! I'll just SIT on him and then try to hold his flailing arms down with one elbow while I squirt liquid up his nose with my other hand, trying to block the heart wrenching screams out long enough to do the job. It'll be super fun and easy!

Meanwhile, poor baby has utterly refused to nurse all day long, and is sleeping wearily after screaming his head off for the duration of his check up. I've had to pump several feedings, which I sure hope he eventually decides to eat, since he's now on dehydration watch. Poor poor sad baby. Last night was so awful. First, the older two kids were in and out of my room, stuffy noses, needing drinks, needing medicine, the usual. Then when Jameson woke up at four to eat, he was just burning up. I took his temp (103.9,) gave him baby Tylenol, then tried to nurse him. He ate a little bit, weakly, then resumed crying. I sat up with him for an hour to make sure his fever went down enough that I could safely sleep again. It was hard to go back to sleep, though, when I'd been readying myself to take him to the hospital if he hadn't cooled off sufficiently. In the first twenty minutes it had only gone down about point six degrees, so I gave it another twenty and then I was totally going in if it wasn't significantly better.

This morning I was literally nauseous with fatigue, but off we went to the doctor. My hands were shaking a little bit as I got the kids ready, I noticed. Sleepiness does strange things to people. If anyone wanted to torture me for information, sleep deprivation would totally be the way to go. Pain? Eh. But a few more nights of this craziness and I'd turn in my own family members to make it stop. I should probably be napping now, as a matter of fact, but I really needed to vent for a bit first. Imagine this as a euphemistic method of smashing plates and stomping and screaming in rage, because that's what my mind is doing. Enough of the sickness already! My poor kids are miserable, and my own cope container is just about FULL, enough so that even though I know they feel badly, I'm getting kind of snappy and impatient with them, especially in the mornings, because I'm still sickish myself and am just so unspeakably tired.

Sigh. I should cheer up since my cousin's wife had her baby girl early this morning (they named her Siddalee, like in Divine Secrets of The Ya Ya Sisterhood) and I'm so happy for them. Poor thing was a week overdue, too! But all I can think about is my friend Jess waiting to have HER baby, and how I'm so excited to go over and be with her- she's having a home birth! But I can't do that if I'm sick, now can I? MUST GET WELL. EVERYONE MUST GET WELL NOW.

As The Saying Goes

There are two common expressions I'd like to discuss today: first, "Misery loves company." I suppose this is based in truth. I suppose, just theoretically, that if I were sick with a head cold, I'd much prefer to have various sizes of kids with varying kinds of disgusting coughs and colds climbing all over me/nursing from me at all hours of the night than to be, say, left alone to sleep in peace. And I'd much rather have Kleenex strewn all over the mother loving house, and snot and germs on just every surface imaginable, than to handle my own cold by myself complete with frequent hand washing and proper tissue disposal. I'd much rather have to fetch people juice and snacks and take temperatures and dole out chewable Tylenol than to lie on the couch motionless. Who would want to be ALONE when one is physically miserable? Goodness no. Bring on the COMPANY.*

Next expression: "Familiarity breeds contempt." Oh, certainly not! Certainly being shut inside a relatively small house with one's sick, cranky family for days and days on end only endears them to us further! One's family never does away with all niceties or compassion and just stalks around the house growling at each other in mutual discomfort! One certainly never texts their neighbor in desperation, threatening to send their kids to school even though they DO still seem sick! What are they going to do, sue us? Except that last night it rained and stormed and thundered for hours- lightning and thunder over SNOW COVERED ground!- and this morning all the roads to GET to the school were flooded.

I may have cried just a little.

*I do think being sick with ONLY another sick adult might be kinda-sorta fun, if we could lay on the couch and watch TV and moan together and have someone fetch us food and drink. However, throw three sick kids into the equation and it quickly goes from fun to some kind of anthropological experiment to see how long it will take us to EAT each other.

Day 20

A hobby of mine. Let's see... I used to scrapbook, until Adelay turned from a crazy-low maintenance baby into a toddler with needs and opinions, and then her baby brother was born and then it was all I could do to remember to TAKE pictures, let alone crop them and paste them into albums with coordinating taggies and stickers and whatever.

I used to work out, and even enjoyed it somewhat, until I got pregnant with Jamie and it was high risk right from the beginning because of that subchorionic hematoma business. So I wasn't allowed to from then on, and I haven't gone to the gym in over a year. I plan to get a gym membership again when Jamie is six months old/the germy winter is over, and I will feel ok about leaving him in the daycare for an hour at a time. Until then, you lose, body. I did do fifty squats and sit ups the other day, randomly, and my thighs have been protesting ever so slightly. It seems a year of being more or less sedentary (unless you count the housework and the schlepping kids and laundry and groceries around all day) causes you to lose muscle tone. So unfair! Interestingly, my thighs are a bit thinner than they used to be, due I suppose to lack of muscle, but trust me they LOOK way worse than they do when I'm working out. My pants do fit better though. Trade off I guess.

So where was I? Hobby? I do still read a bit, though it's certainly tapered off drastically. That was the one part of bedrest I enjoyed... catching up on reading. So I guess my only hobby right now is blogging. Unless you count baking and eating copious amounts of lemon bars while watching Big Love as a HOBBY. I personally do not. That's just a survival mechanism.

Day 19

A fun memory... Well I had one in mind but realized it was before we had a digital camera (forescore and twenty years ago) and so the story alone wouldn't be that exciting. Well ok, it's still cute, but... WELL. HERE IT IS ANYWAYS. You get two for one, then.

The August of 2005, so about two months after Jim and I were married, my oldest sister got married in South Carolina. Jim and I drove there, along with my youngest sister Laura and my parents, and on the way back Laura rode with us instead of the adults. Because we were all still KIDS and wanted to have fun and drive fast and stuff. Hee. Anyways, on our way through North Carolina I suddenly saw a sign for the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, and realized it would only be about forty five minutes out of our way. After much begging and coercing, I convinced Laura and Jim to make an impromptu detour and we spent the afternoon touring the mansion, the grounds and the winery. I'd been there before, but it was really really fun that time, partly because of the company (we were a bit rowdy for the Biltmore tour people, I think) and partly because it was just such a fun, unexpected break in what was otherwise a super long road trip. The weather was beautiful, the gardens were in full bloom, and I don't know why, but I still remember that as one of the most fun afternoons of my life.

Now, the real story with accompanying pictures is of a trip Jim and I took to a b and b in Holmes County (i.e. Amish World) just a few weeks before I got put on bedrest during my first pregnancy. Again, this was a place I'd been before, but going there as a real grown up with Jim was new and unexpectedly fun. It was also unexpectedly hot, as I recall, and I remember almost fainting once walking into an Amish restaurant (I was quickly revived by sweet tea and gravy.) Note in the picture below how even though I was seven months pregnant, I was still carrying mainly in my THIGHS. That was definitely my least attractive pregnancy.




Also, remember that I was entering my third trimester of pregnancy, so I was HUNGRY and in Amish county there is a plethora of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and pie. Stomach, meet calories. MMM. I remember most of the places we went on that weekend based on what I ate there. I also remember our fruitless search for a coffeehouse one night we were there, leading us on a nighttime tour of, like, a hundred mile radius of Holmes County before we finally found a place that knew how to make a latte. Oh those Amish!

Do note the gorgeous waterfall panorama papered to the wall around the hot tub in our room. Fancy!



Also note the bonnet and shawl I WILLINGLY modeled. I apparently had no shame whatsoever on that trip. After eating an entire peanut butter cream pie, where else is there to go?

Day 18

A baby photo! Lord knows we have enough of those! Hmmm... How 'bout three baby photos? These were all taken at approximately four months old. Can you guess which is which?

Day 17-A Photo of My Family

I'm not sure if there ARE any pictures of just the five of us since Jameson was first born, at least not on my camera. Let me look here...

Ok! These aren't JUST of us, but we are all in them!



This one is at Jim's Aunt Nancy's house, where his extended family on his mom's side meets up every year right after Christmas. Oh look, they put all the cute ones in the front. :)


This was taken at Jim's grandma's house, where everyone on his DAD'S side meets up before Christmas. As I recall, this picture was a little trickier to get taken as a result of a couple of screaming babies, which is why Jim's and my smile might look a bit strained.

Issues

First I have to do my Day 16 post, the topic of which is celebrity crushes, I believe. Yikes. Ok, well, I already discussed my early teenage love of Richard Gere, which thankfully has passed. My celebrity crush of recent years is Christian Bale. I have loved him since he was in Disney's "Newsies" like a hundred years ago. This crush is of the less lusty variety, I might add; I certainly don't find him UNsexy, but there's more to it than that. I think he's an amazing actor, and I think he chooses great roles.

Now. On to my Issue. I'm having breastfeeding problems with Jamie. Enough that it makes me want to give up actually nursing altogether and just pump and feed him bottles. Either that or I'm about to take him to a specialist to see if he has reflux issues or something. Not that he spits up, really, but the kid just hates to eat most of the time. Even when you know he's hungry he yanks his head away, claws at my breasts, chokes and gags, and generally acts like nursing is a torture.

It all kind of came to light a few weeks ago when my sister was here and was watching Laura (my OTHER sister) and I nurse our respective babies. Smith was being quite and had kind of wrapped himself around Laura's abdomen to comfortably nurse, but Jameson had one hand out against my chest, shoving his head away from me while the other was clawing at the underside of my breast. Meanwhile his entire torso was arched away from me. Jeni laughed and observed, "He literally couldn't be further away from you and still be eating!"

It seemed funny until I considered that unless he's half asleep, he ALWAYS nurses this way: simultaneously eating while sort of... fighting me. And he is constantly yanking his head off and grunting and fussing, and has to be re-latched. He's not much better with a bottle either. He'll eat from it, but he shakes his head back and forth and coughs and gags and fights it.

I thought reflux maybe, but he hardly ever spits up. Any ideas/suggestions?

Day 15

A favorite food. Well, right now my favorite food is what I just finished eating- lemon cheesecake bars with coconut and chopped almonds. I started with a Krusteaz lemon bar mix (you could certainly make your own from scratch; I've done that before too, but today I needed my lemon fix FAST) and then followed the cheesecake variation instructions on the back of the box, which is basically to put a layer of softened cream cheese beaten with an egg and a third a cup of sugar on top of the crust before you put the lemon filling on. Then I just stirred some coconut flakes into the lemon filling, and topped the final product with more coconut and chopped almonds before baking.

It was fairly simple to throw together, requiring only eggs and sugar as well as the coconut and almonds- and I think you could also use pecans, or maybe put a berry jam on top instead of the coconut. The hardest part was waiting the forty minutes to bake it and another half hour to cool sufficiently for me cut it and dive in.

Chocolate seems like an easy and obvious pick for a favorite food, and overall it probably is my first love. But I find that by the end of winter I'm always craving tastes that remind me of spring, and lemon does the trick every time.

Enough!

In honor of the weekend I interrupt this daily blog challenge thingie (which I am apparently not doing quite daily, but hey! At least more frequently than I WAS!) to gripe about Wal Mart. I know, just what the world needs: another post about how much Wal Mart sucks. But seriously.

I went there rather than my usual grocery store because we were out of Pull-Ups (yes, THAT'S still happening,) diapers, wipes and toilet paper, and there is just nowhere around here to get those things as cheaply. I also had a bunch of coupons for free half gallons of 8th Generation brand soy milk which I won in a Swistle contest a few months ago. I hadn't been able to find that brand at any of our local groceries, but remembered that I had seen it at Wal Mart a couple of times. So, to the big box store I went.

First of all, they didn't have that kind of milk in stock. Yes, they still CARRY it. They just don't HAVE any. Ditto for like three other specific brands of items I was looking for. You could see the price sticker and the shelf space reserved for that product, it just wasn't there currently. Sorry! So then I went to the regular milk section, and it was five dollars a gallon. WT? That is WAY above normal price around here.

The terrible, dim lighting was flickering the whole time I was there, making it feel like shopping in the twilight zone, and once I reached the registers there were only two cashiers working, despite the FIFTEEN check out lanes. After finally getting rung up (after waiting behind all the people out shopping with their toddlers at ten o' clock at night, buying nothing but Mountain Dew and generic Cheez Puffs) I realized that I hadn't actually spent any less than I did last week at my usual grocery. And the produce I had purchased was far inferior.

So! No more, evil Wal Mart. I feel like an abused spouse who's finally had enough. Yes, I kept venturing back despite terrible experiences, believing that there was still a redeeming quality in our relationship worth salvaging (in this case, cheap bulk diapers) but I am DONE. So not worth it. I get a terrible, unpleasant shopping experience, a dirty, understaffed store, inconsistent brand/product selection, and in the end a not much smaller at all, IF at all, price. Not to mention the guilt about "voting with my dollar" for one of the most unethical corporations in the country.

Anyways! On a related note, I have I think twenty vouchers for free half gallons of 8th Generation soy milk that I apparently won't be using, so if any of YOU can use them, let me know in the comments and then I'll choose a random winner and send them to you!

Day 14

I have been looking forward to this one! And you KNOW you're getting more than one old photo, so no complaints. I'll try to keep it to a minimum.


This was taken during a very difficult phase in Eli's infancy. Perhaps it's a phase you know... a phase when he never ever EVER wanted to sleep anywhere but in our arms, a phase when each night as the sun set I could feel myself growing physically tense in preparation for the inevitable battle we would face before both our kids would finally be asleep in their beds. And yet there were those sweet spots, during the endless rocking and walking sessions, spots when I would be able to get all zen and in the moment, and appreciate the luckiness of having a baby in my arms.


This was Addy the summer before she turned three. When I think about her being a toddler, this day is one of the images that always comes to my mind, with her fine, golden halo of hair everywhere and her fairy costume and her clunky sandals and socks coordinating just so. She always seemed to be kind of floating and flitting everywhere, so she always looked the most herself when she was outside in the sunshine. My little butterfly.


Those eyes- from which I apparently forgot to remove the red, oh well!- always astonish me. I might have to keep having babies forever so I can always get my fix of giant blue eyes.

Day 13

First- the pans! A couple of you requested info. I got them at TJ Maxx, actually, just on a whim, and they are two different brands. My favorite one is red, and the brand on the bottom says IPAC, and then the little slogan is in Spanish. The other one is just gray with a metal handle, slightly larger than the red one at ten inches, and is from Well Equipped Kitchen. They both work great, I just like the size of the red one a little better- it's mediumish and perfect for making an omelet. And it's prettier. :)

So today's topic is something you'd like to buy. And I'm not sure if this counts as a thing, but all I can think about today, as I kick random cars out of my path and load the washer with the third load of kids clothes this week, is that I would give a year of my life if I could in exchange get free housekeeping services until my kids are a little less messy and a little better able to help out around here!

Excluding that fervent wish, however, I think what I'd like to buy is shutters for our house. And a new garage door. Wow, I am the most boring person on the planet. But those were the first things that came to mind. This is kind of how I've always been though. I don't care a lot about clothes and shoes and bags. But I do care very much how my environment looks, and it really affects my mood. There's a certain local restaurant, for instance, that I don't enjoy eating at even though the food's pretty good because the decor is so dreadful it actually distracts me. Is that... shallow?

Day 12

Something I bought recently... This is really boring, but I recently bought a couple of eco-friendly pans that are nonstick but don't release any bad chemicals when they're heated. They are seriously the best nonstick pans I've ever had, and since Jim's been on his diet/health food kick I've been stir frying veggies in them just about every day. But this is so BORING it's killing me.

How 'bout this? I recently, in a fit of extravagance, bought myself a new mascara!! Revlon something or other, which I will undoubtedly wear about once a week and which will go bad before I finish it, but oh well.

Oh, I also bought a bottle of rum. Regular rum, not 151, for the record. THAT will not go bad before I finish it.

Day 11

It was almost impossible to find a recent picture of me without a kid on my lap, so I decided to just go with it. This is one that Adelay took of me about a month ago, mid-snuggle with Eli. She's quite the little photographer, I think.

Day 10

Picture of me ten years ago. I was sixteen here, apparently working on some embarrassingly elementary art project in what appears to be my school choir room. Also, apparently it was before I discovered a) eyebrow tweezers and b) that almost no one looks good with their hair pulled back as tightly as possible from their foreheads.

Derailed

Yikes, it's almost been a week since my last annoyingly earnest post! (Yes, I do realize my writing lately has taken a turn towards the honest-bordering-on-over sharing. I feel like I keep writing personal manifestos instead of blog posts.)

My excuse is that my out of town sisters were both IN town last weekend, and then the really really out of town one, the one I haven't seen for a YEAR and who had never met Jameson, stayed until Thursday, so, my priorities were elsewhere. We had a ton of fun, but man, I was exhausted by the end. I felt like I needed a day to recover from so much togetherness! There was shopping and eating and movies and eating and talking and eating and drinking and eating! Hah.

We also made cookies one night, Jeni and Adelay and I, and Jeni and I decided we'd like a little wine while we baked. However, we couldn't find a wine we wanted, so I dug up some rum from my parents' pantry and made us some rum and Cokes instead. Except, it wasn't regular old rum; I accidentally made us a pretty stiff cocktail using two fingers of Bacardi 151 for each smallish tumbler. I was, if you'll pardon my French, kind of drunk off my ass there for about fifteen minutes. And totally without intention, in front of my CHILD, and my PARENTS. Worst buzz EVER!

Ah, and now I have to go because Adelay is calling that Eli "poopeded somewhere." Fantastic. I'll get back to those thirty blogging topics any day now, promise! Mwah!

Day 9: Pet Peeves, Or, Ferber And Kevin Bacon

So today's topic is pet peeves. But first I must note, from the previous comment section, that it seems all of you are the normal type who focus on things like putting the heaps of toys where they belong rather than shoving them out of your way with your foot so you can vacuum yet again. I still hold out hope that one day I too will be more able to focus on the big picture rather than the details. I am getting better, though, and by better I mean, more practical re: a household with three small children. I do try to focus first on the kitchen and bathroom, as those rooms are always the first to deteriorate into frat house conditions, even if what I'm really in the mood to do is get out the furniture polish. (Um, that sounded a little weird. I promise I'm not running around in a tiny maid's costume with a feather duster and a suggestive smile.)

Ok, well this post derailed pretty quickly! Back on topic! Day 9 is pet peeves, so, ok, obviously one of my pet peeves is not being able to clean due to lack of time and/or energy. But here are two other biggies:

-People who are Nazis about trying to sleep train tiny babies or put newborns on a strict feeding schedule. Now before you break your scrolling finger rushing to the comments to tell me how babies NEED schedules and your children THRIVED on the Ferber method or whatevs, let me say that I don't mean you! I'm thinking of like two specific people that I've met in my whole life. In general I think most children DO feel better with some kind of a routine. I just think, especially if you're breastfeeding, that trying to put your newborn on some kind of feeding schedule based on your OWN needs (here's where the few specific people come to mind) is both selfish and unhealthy for the baby.

I could go on and on, but half of you already agree with me and the other half can refer to any pediatrician or lactation consultant for info on the needs of breastfeeding infants and when and how it is appropriate to attempt to implement some kind of feeding or sleeping schedule. And I'm sure you HAVE. AGAIN, I am not talking about you. I'm just talking about people who get their hands on some random, over the top book that appeals to a certain kind of controlling personality, and then kind of run wild with it, taking it as the absolute GOSPEL of child rearing and ignoring their own instincts and common sense. Some of the best advise I ever got was to parent by the baby, not by the book. And, I think most people DO, whether they know it or not. You can agree with certain schools of thought, but ultimately you're using your own head and you're learning from your child what their needs are, not from some book.

Sorry, I know I'm on a soapbox here and probably annoying about half of you. It's just something I've encountered recently and I nearly BIT MY TONGUE OFF trying not to lecture. So... you get to hear it instead, apparently. My apologies.

-Pet peeve the second: Kevin Bacon. Yep. That's probably even more controversial than the first topic, but there you have it. He creeps me out. You're free to disagree of course. But you can't win me over on this one. I've tried, I really have. I've seen Footloose. I even LIKE Footloose... I just don't like Kevin Bacon.

Day 8- Craving

Today's topic is something I crave. Well, sugar, definitely, but let's think of something a little less obvious. I crave cleanliness. Like, literally it's as serious a need for me as eating or sleeping. If I go through a whole day without having done a deep cleaning-type chore around the house, something besides just laundry and dishes, I feel irritated and like I'm drowning in filth and it's only going to be that much harder to dig myself out the next day.

I know that lots of people feel this way about tidiness, and can't go to bed, say, until all the toys are put away and the counters are cleared. For me it's slightly different. Today, for example, I got the kitchen mopped and did a thorough scrubbing of the counter tops. This makes me feel contented for the day, and it doesn't really bother me that there are still toys all over the living room. I'll probably leave them lying there and go right to bed, unbothered, but I WOULD have been bothered if I hadn't gotten that floor washed. Logical? Probably not, since the floor wasn't yet outright filthy, and since the toys pose something of a hazard as well as being far more noticeably messy to someone walking in the door than a grimy floor.

But tidiness is not my craving. Knowing something is CLEAN is the feeling I crave. So while you might walk into my house most days and assess it, correctly, as being pretty messy with toys and art project detritus, you can bet that underneath it's actually still fairly clean. It's just not TIDY, and that's a significant difference a lot of people don't recognize. Tidy is not necessarily clean, and cluttered is also not necessarily dirty.

Day 7- Favorite (Baby!) Photo. And Also Some Random Reviews

So it seems, upon glancing at my site, that I posted for Day 5 twice. So fun facts was actually supposed to be Day 6. Ah well. I'm betting if I didn't notice you probably didn't either. Right?

Anyways! Moving on! We are now on Day 7, favorite photo, and I really don't think I can whittle it down to just one. But I have a new baby, one whose siblings love to take pictures WITH said baby! Who can blame me?

So I'm downloading all the recent ones, and I'll try to keep it to THREE, how 'bout that? But while they're downloading, I have a few random (UNCOMPENSATED) reviews I've been meaning to do of things I just really love lately.

First of all, the Bumbo chair. We have it in purple with a detachable tray; I'm pretty sure my mom got it at a yard sale for like five bucks. Jameson is the first baby I've had one for, and oh my, how did I ever live without this thing? First of all, he LIKES it and will sit happily and watch us from it as we prepare and eat meals, pick up toys, and generally get things DONE. Secondly, it's so easy to plop him in and pull him out, no buckles or straps or dodging of mobiles. Thirdly, this thing is infinitely portable. You could just throw it in the car with the diaper bag for taking to a relative's or friend's house.

Another benefit is that with the tray it is an excellent stand in for a traditional high chair, at least for a smaller baby. The Jamers will be starting on solid foods in the next month or two, and I am so excited that I can just put the tray on and feed him in this thing rather than pull out the giant high chair, which takes up a lot of precious kitchen real estate and which I always dread getting out.

...AND I just tried to find a screen shot of it and discovered that it is being RECALLED. Lovely. Apparently kids are falling out of it? But dude, I don't see how that's happening unless people are leaving their kids in it unsupervised on tabletops or something, AND the kids are old enough and strong enough to somehow tip it over or launch themselves out of it. So don't tell on me, but I might still use mine for awhile, in the appropriate, intended manner, so as not to injure my baby.

Another thing that I am really loving this winter is the Netflix streaming option on the Playstation. We only have basic cable, so PBS is the only kids' channel we get. And there's only so much eye-wateringly earnest educational programming I can tolerate before I want to wring Sid the Science Kid by his felt neck. Enter, Netflix! You don't even have to insert a disc anymore, it just pops up automatically on the Playstation menu screen. I now have seemingly ENDLESS options for kids' movies and shows, sans any commercials, as well as, you know, tons of options for growns ups as well. (I think Jim is a TINY bit sick of watching Parks and Rec reruns with me, however.)

And lastly, Jim recently purchased the Active Life Explorer game for the Wii, and you guys, we LOVE it. It is easy to use, with lots of game/challenge options, it really gets your heart rate up, and the kids have so much fun playing. It is a fantastic way for them to get some exercise (read: burn off some of the energy otherwise used for making messes and torturing one another) during the winter months. If you have a Wii already, I would really recommend this game for kids ages 3 to... well, anywhere upwards, because frankly all the adults who have tried it had a lot of fun too.

Ok, product reviews over! On to pictures!



You guys, this kid is FOUR months old. And he is probably the least documented of our children so far, both in pictures and the written word, but he may be the most loved one yet. (Not by US, goodness, but in total, given the vast amount of kisses and attention his brother and sister lavish upon him.) He has the brightest, sunniest smile in the world; you can't help but smile back. Which means I spend a lot of the day grinning like an idiot.




Hats! Could you just DIE?

Day 5- Fun Fact

Um...? I'm not a super interesting person, to be honest. My life has followed a pretty straight path, and other than the semi-interesting, semi-sad fact of having been pregnant so often for a person my age, I'm having trouble coming up with something.

Wait, I thought of one. Apparently when I was four years old, I memorized The Velveteen Rabbit in its entirety and recited it to anyone who would listen to me. I actually have that famous "Real" passage from it framed in my kids' bedroom now (my mom found it for me!)

Oh, and here's something else kind of fun. Or FUNNY. I used to alternately plan on being, when I grew up: a nun (too many Sound of Music viewings) a missionary to India, or... AMISH. Or an actress, of course. A famous Amish actress! (Insert eyeroll here.)

Day 5- Favorite Quote

I read a lot, and the best writers are the ones that are not afraid to quote OTHER writers, so... I know a lot of quotes. When thinking about my favorites, however, I referred to the journal that I kept while I was pregnant with Addy. About a week before she was born, it occurred to me that all I'd written about so far were the mundane details of pregnancy and of our preparations for her arrival. I thought it might be wise to give her something of my life philosophy to read one day, rather than just knowing what I craved and how much weight I gained and what color we painted her nursery. So here are the quotes I wrote down for Adelay five years or so ago.

They were mostly about God, faith, and spirituality, something I am always wrestling with and mulling over. I suspect I always will be, but the older I get the more ok I am with it. The more I wonder if in fact that how it's supposed to be. If I had a faith that I could simply sit with for company, well, I might be tempted to forget it was there, no? (Forgive me if I'm getting long winded here. It is Sunday- old habits die hard.)

I think a lot about the story from the Bible in which Jacob wrestles with an angel the night before a terrifying confrontation which was awaiting him. They fought all night long, and Jacob finally said, "I will not let you go until you bless me!" Jacob was by no means a paragon of virtue, but his tenacity seemed to keep him always on speaking terms with God, something I find pleasing whenever I hear his story. Abraham may have found God by faith- Jacob seemed to find him by dint of sheer stubbornness. But it was the same God, either way.

"We both believe and disbelieve a hundred times an hour
Which keeps believing nimble."
-Emily Dickinson

"For the God who fills human hunger is at the same time the Unknown, the Stranger. Only his absence-presence allows a person to be oneself."
-Jean Sullivan

"The other gods were strong, but Thou wast weak
They rode, but Thou didst stumble to a throne
But to our wounds, only God's wounds can speak
And not a god has wounds but Thou alone -Edward Shillito

"We know God exists because we miss Him."
-Perin Ireland

"Unclench your fists
Hold out your hands
Take mine
Let us hold each other.
Thus is His glory manifest."
-Madeleine L'Engle

"And the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started,
And know the place for the first time."
-T.S. Eliot

Days 3 and 4

Whoops! Forgot to post last night- I was distracted by the FIVE sitcoms I watched all in a row, accompanied by a block of cheddar and glass of wine. How I love comedy night on NBC! How I love fattening, fattening cheese. AND how I love the fact that Jameson goes to bed easily and allows us to actually have grown up time at night. (He did actually fuss a bit last night, but he's been sick- of course!- the last few days, so it was an aberration from his norm, which is to coo while being swaddled, sigh and close his eyes once his back hits the crib mattress, then turn his head and fall asleep. Miracle child!)

Anyways, so: favorite TV show. At the moment my favorite show is probably 30 Rock. I mean, it never fails to deliver. And Alec Baldwin is so deliciously detestable, on screen and off, no?

But I kind of think the point of these sorts of blogging projects is to let people get to know you a bit better, so I'm actually going to reveal an OLD favorite show, which I watched reruns of in high school. You've almost undoubtedly never heard of it, and there were only a few seasons, but for whatever reason I LOVED this quirky show. (It was also on this show that I first heard Sarah Mclachlan's music, so it had that going for it too.)

I present to you... Due South



This show is also one of the reasons that Benton is permanently on my list of possible boy names.

On to day four! Favorite book. ACK. I have no idea, so I'm just going to tell you about the book I'm currently reading and love: Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris. I've never read anything of hers before, and picked up this book by chance from my in-law's coffee table while I was nursing Jamie and looking for something to entertain me. It is SO GOOD, you guys. I thought it was going to be some kind of devotional, Bible study type book- which was fine- but it is so much different, and so much more fascinating, than that.

It's written by a woman who was raised a Presbyterian, left her faith for twenty years, became an author, writing teacher and poet, and then by happenstance ended up spending considerable time at a Benedictine monastery and in the small town church in which she was raised and had long ago left. She is now a pastor as well as a lay Benedictine- so she's Protestant AND Catholic, something I didn't even realize was... a thing. This particular book is about the language of Christianity, and each chapter examines a "scary" word that is often off-putting to both Christian and secular audiences- judgment for instance, or hell. (There's also quite a bit about feminism and religion, which I really found interesting.) And then she gives her own take on it, from the context of her considerable theological and church history studies as well as her own experiences.

There is SO MUCH I didn't know or realize about, for instance, how different the King James Version is from the original Greek and Hebrew texts, how much gets lost or mangled in the translation. So much I didn't know or understand about Catholicism. It's just a great, fascinating, eye opening book that makes you consider things in a totally different way. It's gotten wonderful reviews from lots of different sources, most of them nonreligious, so I can tell you even if you have no interest in Christianity per se, I think it's very interesting simply as a collection of historical and cultural essays. I (obviously) highly recommend this book. IN FACT, I love it so much that anyone who leaves a comment on this post today or over the weekend will get entered in a contest to win their own copy. (Seeing as how I need to order a new one for my father in law anyways, as I spilled my coffee on his copy. AHEM.)

Day Two

A favorite movie is a tricky thing to choose, MAYBE even trickier than the favorite song question. (Let's not even talk about favorite book. I think it's becoming clear that I am not a person given to choosing favorites.)

So anyways, let's just say I love many, many movies, but I'm going to cite my FIRST favorite movie, First Knight. The one I watched every single day for a month the year I was fourteen. The one in which I first discovered the concept of having a crush on an actor based purely on perceived sex appeal. (And now I have died at my keyboard of profound humiliation. Oh Richard Gere... I'm still waiting for you.)

Day One- Favorite Song

So I jumped on board to do this thirty day blog challenge thingie a lot of you all are doing too. I always avoid that national blog month business because what if I seriously have nothing to say? But since topics are provided in this challenge, I'm good.

So. Topic for day one: A favorite song

This is really hard, because I can think of at least five that I would call "favorite" right off the top of my head. Plus, there are at least five MORE that I am NOT thinking of but that, if they got played on the radio at the right moment, would totally be my favorite right then. Seriously, this question makes me about as twitchy as someone asking me to talk about "a favorite" child or sibling. JUST ONE? So anyways, this is a list of "favorites." Sorry, I'm breaking the rules already!

(The first links are to the lyrics; the second link is the music video. I really recommend The Killers' video if you only have time to watch one.)

-"Only Hope" by Switchfoot

-"For Me This Is Heaven" by Jimmy Eat World

-"When You Were Young" by The Killers

-"One Headlight" by The Wallflowers

-"Sunny Came Home" by Shawn Colvin

January: Two Thumbs Down

So. Clearly I did not resolve to blog more often, or more interestingly. Ah well. Here's what's going on with me: everyone in the house seems to be taking turns being sickly, in varying degrees. Addy and Eli have both had flu, been running fevers on and off, and then ear infections (including a very traumatic trip to the doctor that involved having to hold Addy still while a nurse irrigated her tiny ear canals.) I fortunately got put on a proactive dose of Tamiflu when Eli was first diagnosed with influenza, so I've basically just been fighting it off. I felt run down and my throat hurt for several weeks, and it still does some mornings, but usually feels fine by the afternoon. Jim's finally getting sick now that the kids are mostly recovered, but fortunately the baby never had more than some sniffles and a bit of a cough.

UNFORTUNATELY, Eli seems to have some kind of intolerance for amoxicillin, because he has had diarrhea for days and days now. It started at the tale end of his antibiotic regimen, and he's been off it for twenty four hours now, so I'm really hoping the tummy troubles will clear up in the next day or so, or I guess I'll have to take him BACK to the doctor to see what could be bothering his system besides the medicine.

As you may imagine, this has all really thrown a wrench into my plans to spend every spare moment with my sister and Baby Smith. Stupid winter. Stupid germy disgusting winter.

Oh, also Jim's doing this Biggest Loser-type diet with his coworkers so we've been eating a metric ton of fruits, vegetables, eggs, and whole grains around here, and no one's had red meat in two weeks. Jim's lost almost fifteen pounds already, but he's also come close to blacking out a few times, so, uh, my jury's still out on how nutritious this is as a long term lifestyle. I also think I'm putting red meat back into my own diet because I noticed my milk supply taking a noticeable dip about a week into the Healthy Food Project. (Worst part about the milk decrease? Baby, who had been going to bed routinely around ten and not waking until four or five, suddenly awake and hungry three to four times a night again. Ouch.)

Fortunately we got that sorted out, mostly by my, uh, eating more, and drinking more water, but also eating oatmeal twice a day and drinking a giant Guinness one night. Who knows if those things actually help that much, but it feels better to be Trying Things rather than just nursing and nursing and hoping eventually things will pick back up.

Also! Early this month I lost my wedding ring, and was feeling really tragic about this, though I tried not to mourn it too much vocally because the kids would either get all sad for me or chastise me for losing something so special. Which, uh, is basically what I was doing myself. But lo and behold, Addy found it tonight! And guess where it was? Tucked into a tiny rip in her bedspread, nestled between the top quilt and the backing. A spot which I keep meaning to fix but haven't, and in which I've seen Eli ferret away little treasures of his own many times. So uh, I'm pretty sure how it ended up there, but I couldn't even muster up the anger to care because I was just SO HAPPY to have found it (and to not be the guilty party in misplacing it, since obviously it got put there by LITTLE HANDS NOT MY OWN.)

And... that's about it, for us. Basically the highlight of this month for me, other than Smith's birth, obviously, has been the return of The Office and 30 Rock Thursday night. Livin' the dream, here.

In A Perfect World

I so wish kids had some kind of hidden healthometer so that you could just flip a panel, glance at the screen and see whether they are:

"perfectly healthy but hungry and/or tired"
"perfectly healthy but needing some attention"
"feeling a little under the weather but sucking it up because they want to go to school"
"feeling a little under the weather but being a giant drama queen so they DON'T have to go to school"
OR
"feeling horrible due to a raging ear infection but are backpedalling and saying they feel fine because they don't want to have to take more medicine."

Gah. Also, I'm already officially sick of winter.

A Mother Is Born

Dear Baby Smith Eliot,

Yesterday was your birthday! You arrived so quickly you had everyone in shock- you must not have gotten the memo that first babies are supposed to take their time. You were six pounds six ounces, twenty inches long, and arrived about a week and a half before your due date. I like your birthday. January tenth has a nice ring to it.




You are super cute, and look almost exactly like your dad. But I think you have your mommy's eyes. And we all think you have her feet! You were very alert from the second you came into the world, and only cried for a minute before settling down to stare at all of us. Not because you weren't healthy - you got two Apgar scores of nine, much to your parents' relief. Your birth went about as perfectly as a birth could go, though, so I bet that helped. Your mom's water broke at ten thirty in the morning (while she was on the phone with the OB discussing whether or not her contractions were the real thing!) and you had emerged by ten after one in the afternoon. Everything went so fast your mom didn't even have time for the epidural she had finally decided she wanted. By the time the anesthesiologist got there, she was already pushing, and sent him away with a sigh of resignation.

She did so great though! I think the transition phase was the worst for her, the part which I unfortunately missed because I had gone home- when she was still just at four centimeters!- to drop off the baby and get a quick lunch. By the time I had come flying back into the room, she was ready to push, and had really figured out how to listen to her body. She closed her eyes and rested very deeply between every contraction- so much so that she almost seemed comatose sometimes!- and then when it was time to push, she got right down to work. Everyone kept saying how amazing it was that this was her first baby, because she really seemed to know what she was doing, and was being so brave!

And then there you were, and your mommy's face just lit up. She has been waiting to see you for so very long. When I came back later, after everyone was cleaned up and settled in, I swear my baby sister looked just a bit different than I remembered her. You have made her a mom, and I am so proud of her, and so happy to welcome her to the club!





With lots of love to you both,

Aunt Sarah

January

Welp. Eli has an ear infection and tested positive for influenza b at the doctor's office. Addy now has the flu too, and is complaining of ear pain, so, probably another ear infection coming. They're both on Tamiflu, which by the way tastes TERRIBLE and is not easy to convince grouchy preschoolers to swallow. Baby's been sneezy and fussy, but thank God no fever yet. PLEASE DON'T GET THE FLU JAMIE. I feel like crap, all clammy and weak and achy, so the doctor put me on a prophylactic dose of Tamiflu to try to head it off. Which means that today at the pharmacy I spent.... drum roll of doom please... three hundred and seventy dollars. That makes me want to barf, flu or no flu.

On the plus side, I finally realized/remembered that if I need to hold Jamie to keep him happy, and am wishing to get on the computer at the same time, I can PUT HIM IN HIS CARRIER and still type with both hands while he's on my lap. Whew.

Also, I recently read an awesome book called The Piano Teacher. Jim picked it for me at Christmas, and I really really liked it and was so bummed when it was finally over. Don't you hate that about good books, how you can't put them down but then they're finished way too fast and you just wish you could go back to being only halfway through and still on the edge of your seat?

On the other hand, at least I'm not accidentally staying up until two thirty in the morning reading.

Personal Best in 2011, or, Mission: Lose The Sweatpants

So, resolutions... I'm never even sure if I want to make any, but I did think of a few that seem kind of important, not just "oh it's resolution time so I'd better come up with SOMETHING to better myself." They are important because the fact that I even have to MAKE these resolutions speaks to a tragic lack of self care bordering on lack of hygiene, even. It's pathetic. But here goes:

-Go to bed before midnight, preferably by eleven, even if things aren't picked up and tidy yet. Sleep is more important to my sanity even than a clean house, which became painfully clear the last few days when, after a stretch of three nights when I didn't get to bed until after two am, I was nearly incoherent with exhaustion. Also, not very patient or polite with my immediate family members. So. More sleep.

-Get dressed in something I wouldn't be embarrassed to wear in public by ten am. This is the one that's particularly sad and tragic, here. I realized it was becoming a problem when we were playing a game called ImaginIff with our friends the other night, and my question was, "Imagine if Sarah were a type of clothing. What would she be? ...And everyone chose BATHROBE. The choices were business suit, jeans, bathrobe, thong, and I think evening gown, and I blithely assumed everyone would choose jeans. Nope. Went to right to the bathrobe. Not a good sign.

-Make sure kids' faces are washed and hair is brushed each morning. More sadness here. But it's true that sometimes they can make it through a day without either thing happening, if they haven't eaten anything messy and it wasn't a Bath Day.

-Stop stressing when the house isn't tidy or I don't get around to deep cleaning stuff. I feel like the things I worry about are the things only I notice or care about. As long as everyone else is fed, has clean clothes and can find a path through the floor, they're happy, so I don't know why I fret so much about how regularly the tub is getting scrubbed. I need to focus more on things that effect everyone's general mood rather than just my own.

-Kind of on the flip side, I DO need to pay a little more attention to what triggers my descent into Bad Moods and then head them off at the impasse, so to speak. My own happiness is in fact very important to my kids, because once I'm grouchy there's not a chance the kids are going to stay pleasant and cooperative very long. It is in the entire family's best interest that I take care of myself to at least the extent that I don't feel exasperated/exhausted by the end of the day.

-Try to stay more connected to the two sisters who don't live nearby. I'm terrible about things like checking email and making regular phone calls, but I really need to make more of an effort to stay in touch with them beyond random text messaging. I feel sad and miss them when I DON'T make a point of talking. And, you know, I assume they feel the same. One hopes.

-Stop being late to everything, ftlog. I chronically underestimate how long it's going to take me to get out of the house with three kids. EVERY TIME, I underestimate. I need to just give in and PLAN on it taking a half hour from starting to get shoes on until we're actually pulling out of the driveway. Though, uh, I'm pretty sure I made this resolution last year. And every year since I got my driver's license and started being in charge of my own timeliness.

-And finally, enough of all this noble junk. No less than three of my friends from high school are getting married in 2011, and I am a bridesmaid in one of the weddings. I am WICKED excited, and I hereby resolve to have myself a darn good time, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN AND I THINK YOU DO. I had a fairly lam-o bachelorette party personally, as all of my bridesmaids and I myself were under twenty one. And I was pregnant and on bedrest when I finally did turn twenty one. So this is my year to atone for those tragic personal losses in my young life. My mission is to be mistaken for a single, childless person without a care in the world at least once. :)

Bootylicious

Are these not the cutest cut out cookies you've ever seen? I took pictures of them at every angle, so here! Look again!



I baked these for my sister's baby shower two weeks ago, and then she and my mom and I decorated each individual baby booty. It's the tedious SLASH sticky kind of task that usually makes me want to stab my eyes out, frankly. But I couldn't help but have fun because they were turning out just so cute, and it's so rare that I experience either baking success or artistic design success, much less a combination of the two.

My sister Laura is officially thirty seven weeks along tomorrow, so baby watch begins again around here! It's her first baby, a boy, and I get to be there to help him be born (er, moral support only, no ripping sheets and boiling water scenarios.) I am beyond excited. Though I will be sad to no longer see her adorable baby bump. Seriously, it's the cutest pregnant belly I've ever seen. Like she swallowed a watermelon, no? My stomach NEVER looked this adorbs.



Jameson (i.e. Wubzy, in case anyone was curious about what ridiculous nom de plume we had stuck this particular child with) was very excited by the sight of his cousin in utero.

And To All A Good Night

Merry Christmas everyone!

Not The Worst Mom EVER

This is a time of year when everyone is busy, I know. So while I am not COMPLAINING, I will say that if you have two preschoolers and a still technically in the newborn phase baby and are nonetheless trying to have a fun! and festive! and meaningful! holiday season, you might on occasion feel like your head is about to explode and that NO ONE has any idea how much behind the scenes work goes into keeping the family Christmas in the style to which it's become accustomed. You'll also have the Magical Memory moments, too, of course, and it makes the head-bursting worth it, but the fact remains that your head is no longer intact. (What was that one weird but also weirdly accurate little sing song rhyme I remember little girls saying when I was a kid? Something including the line, "Mama had a baby and her head popped off!" Anyone remember that? Anyways, now I understand the origins of that particular oddity perfectly.)

Jamie isn't sleeping well again, after a week in which he slept for five straight hours every night and I was starting to feel like a normal person again. One night he even slept SEVEN (7) hours in a row. When I woke up I felt like I'd been given crack cocaine or something. So! Much! Energy! But of course then I made the classic mistake of telling a few people that he was sleeping well, and now the last three nights we've been back to three feedings a night and Zombie Mommy in the mornings. Yay.

We're continuing to have a rough time with Eli, also, and my patience is seriously beginning to dwindle re: pooping in pull-ups without even an attempt to use the bathroom. Which happened THREE (3) times yesterday. Oh, and in the bathtub too! I've had a few days lately wherein I felt like between the two boys I did nothing but wipe butts and try to quiet screaming fits. Oh and soak dirty clothes of course.

Eli was being so obstinate at bedtime the other day, running naked from me and screaming, etc., all while Jameson wailed from his crib, that I finally lost it and broke my cardinal rule by smacking his butt to try to get his attention. Naturally, he just screamed even louder, then ran off and smacked his sister. Ah, the vicious cycle of poorly thought out and heat-of-the-moment corporal punishment! Then I sank to the floor of the nursery, trying to console Jamie while the other two ran wild, and cried for awhile, feeling like the worst, most inept mother ever.

I had that feeling in the store the other day, too, when Eli began tantrumming about a three dollar Nerf football identical to the one we have at home. I said no, explained that Christmas was coming and he'd get new toys then, and tried to move on, but he screamed about it the entire. time. we were in the store. He was still wailing at the check out counter when Addy asked if she could have her promised treat of Smarties. I said yes, but that Eli didn't get any since he hadn't been good in the store per the arrangement for treat-getting. I immediately wished I HAD just given him the dang candy when his screaming ramped up again, this time in fury over the candy. But, my auto-pilot parenting kicked in and I quietly explained that he could try for candy another day but wasn't getting any on this trip. Then I just ignored him as he wailed and thrashed in the cart. I was sure, though, that the entire store was thinking either a: I must be a mean mom since my poor kid had been crying for twenty minutes or b: my kid was a total brat and I was a lousy mother for not getting him to straighten up. My face was red and I stared straight ahead grimly as I waited my turn while the sounds of Eli's tantrum filled the air.

But! As I miserably collected my bags, two different people stopped to tell me I was doing a good job being consistent and not giving him the candy to hush him up. They both went on and on about how lots of parents are too lazy to foll through and that it made them happy to see people sticking to their rules even when it would be easier for everyone to give in. It honestly nearly made me cry. I had felt so sure everyone around me was wishing that my raggedy crew and I would just LEAVE already, and then they were telling me I was doing well! It was like a shot in the arm for my unraveling morale.

So yeah, it didn't make the rest of the day a ton easier, and Eli continues to struggle with the big-brother transition phase. But every time I feel that brain-exploding sensation, I try to remember the nice people in the grocery store who reminded me that for the most part, I am doing okay. My kids will be okay.

Quick, Hurry!

This is way last minute and I'm very sorry for that, but I'm sending out our holiday card tomorrow and I'd love to send one to any of you guys, if you want to email me your address speedy quick to semidesperatehousewife@gmail.com. Disclaimer: it's a CHRISTMAS card, since that is the holiday which our family and everyone to whom we are sending cards celebrates. But if you celebrate something else, I will still send you a card, and don't be offended that it says Christmas, ok?

I will just say, it's a pretty cute card. And a letter included! I'm pretty sure it meets almost all of Swistle's holiday card requirements for maximum points. Except the glitter.

Yes, This Site Is In My Reader. And It Should Totally Be In Yours.

This post of gift ideas is freaking hi-larious. Feel free to mail me any of the gifts on this list, for, sadly, it is all too true that I would love any of those items.

More Pics

Here are some recent Eli shots I love. His expressions were very natural at this particular shoot; I know when I look at these pictures twenty years from now I'll think, "Oh yes, that was three year old Eli. The cheeky monkey." (Also, his hair: I KNOW. He needs a haircut. The shag has gotten a bit too shaggy for cuteness. But we are unsure how to cut it while still remaining true to the... integrity? of the long haired look. And I am way scared to take him to an actual stylist. I seriously think he'd lose an eye in the process.)

Comparing Notes

Theoretically speaking, is it so wrong to wash kids' sheets only every two weeks in the winter, since their entire bodies are covered in socks and pj's and they're not really sweating much?

Also, should I be disturbed that every time I've baked Christmas cookies so far, they've only lasted about three days?

And here's a rhetorical one: Is it totally awesome that I looked up how much caffeine is safe while breastfeeding and it turned out to be a much more generous amount than I used to think?

On Second Thought

Aw, my kids went and got all sweet after I posted my crankiness.

I was laying on the couch yesterday afternoon, since there was nothing else to do while I was holding the just-rocked-to-sleep and oh so irritable baby and knew better than to try to lay him down. I was feeling tired and bored and frustrated by the things I should be getting done instead of just laying there. Meanwhile, Eli wandered up and climbed into a blanket at my feet, sucking his thumb. Then he randomly leaned over and patted my thigh. "You're a good boy, Mom," he whispered comfortingly.

Later, at dinner, Adelay asked to say grace, which she did very well, complete with "and thank you for helping Mommy make our food." Afterward, she told us very seriously, "After I go to bed tonight and you guys leave, I am going to say more prayers. I am going to say thank you to Jesus for mommies and daddies and grandmas and nanas and papas and grandpas. Also cousins and aunts and uncles and doggies, and little brothers. I love my family!" Then she went on about everything else she was thankful for: toys, food, our house, her school, her teachers, while I sat there practically welling up at the sweetness. It was so nice to hear some gratitude after I had just been complaining about feeling invisible to my kids. It seems they do love me after all. :)

Luckily, The Baby's Head Still Smells Amazing

Boy, I'm just a real Pollyanna these last few days. Seriously though, there have been many omg-my-head-is-going-to-explode-with-frustration moments recently. The baby hasn't pooped in two days, so he's basically grinching and fussing nonstop all day. He only sleeps in little increments here and there, no real naps even in the car, and thrashes his angry little head into our shoulders and then bonks himself and screams and makes us feel terribly bad for him and also terribly sorry for ourselves. I am really dreading the diaper blowout that is inevitably coming, let me tell you. And hoping there isn't something WRONG with him. I don't remember the other two ever getting, er, backed up when they were this little.

The worst thing about the fussing is that he also hates slings and carriers in general, so my hands are basically half tied all day long. I can't lay him down when he's awake, unless I'm sitting right beside him bouncing his chair and cooing at him, or he cries. So I basically spend all day trying and failing to get even the most basic things done, which makes me all kinds of crazy. Along with the general crazy of fatigue. He'll have good spells where he's not like this, but then every week or so he'll have a bad day and then it's back to Fuss Fest again for the next few days. There is no schedule, everything is unpredictable, and I basically count it a success if I manage a shower every other day. Bonus points if the shower occurs before noon.

Also, did I yet complain about how we had to get new tires and then of COURSE they found something else wrong the car? Never fails. At least my sister happens to be a rep for a tire company, so we could use her discounts. But seriously. Oh and they also discovered that we were completely out of power steering fluid, even though I JUST had the oil changed and they said that they had checked all the fluid levels and everything was fine. Nice.

OH and if anyone knows what to do about a three year old who was once completely potty trained and night trained and now requires a Pull Up all the time and is even sometimes POOPING in his pants again, do let me know. Something besides hiding in your room and screaming into a pillow, of course. I already know about that trick. Also: wine.

Ruminating

One of the occupational hazards of caring for a newish baby is frequent accosting in the supermarket or mall by middle aged or older folks (always, they themselves are shopping WITHOUT small people, I notice) warmly urging you to "Enjoy this, it goes so fast!" or "These are the best times of your life!" The worst, in my opinion, is when they ask YOU, "Aren't you just in heaven?" or "Is he a really good baby?" They always ask this so eagerly, so expectantly, that you know the only acceptable reply to send them on their way with their dreams intact is a radiant "Oh yes!"

And it's not that there aren't moments when I AM in heaven, or that Jameson is being calm and easygoing and could fall into that dubiously-named category of "good babies." But those moments, for one thing, are almost NEVER when I am out shopping in a hot, overcrowded supermarket worrying about budgets and milk letdown and my three year old escaping into women's lingerie. It's not a good time to compare my life to heaven and expect me to respond with other than a high pitched cackle.

I guess my point, which I have discussed ad nauseum with my husband, mom, friends, SIL and MIL is this: life with small children does provide probably the sweetest and most special MOMENTS upon which to look back fondly when your kids are grown and gone. But in general it is far from the most pleasant or fun phase of your life, and trying to pretend otherwise is disingenuous and sometimes downright dangerous. Certainly it is false advertising. I would not tell my friends, "Have a baby! It is so fun and fulfilling!" I would say, "Yes, have a baby! It is fun and fulfilling... And also confusing and discouraging and messy. It is expensive and all consuming and often a total buzzkill for your self esteem."

I would say that it is worth it, without question. I'm even still perfectly happy about my decision to have kids first, then go to school and decide what I want to, you know, BE when I grow up. If nothing else, given all the reproductive issues and pregnancy difficulties I've already had, I am very glad I got right on the baby having part of my life immediately, when I am (presumably) as healthy and fertile as I'm ever going to be. It's just that life as a stay at home parent, or ANY kind of parent, is not non-stop bliss and baby powder smells and story reading. It's also wet underpants and stickiness on everything and lost toys and inexplicable tantrums and feeling invisible to the very people into whom you are pouring the best of yourself every day. The view is breathtaking, yes, but the climb is all uphill.