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Today's thought: It's probably a bad reflection on your housekeeping skillz when you're trying to fold laundry and can't find a non-cluttered or non-sticky surface in your entire house on which to stack the clothes.

Today's other thought: The expression "like ripping off a Band-Aid" is kind of misleading. I got my blood drawn yesterday and tore off the bandage this morning, and you know what? Sometimes those suckers hurt a lot more than you're expecting!

Today's other other thought: Yesterday's name post is still waiting and eager to hear your comments and suggestions!

The Big Bad Name Post

Well, I feel a little better already. A lot better, actually. So I guess probably not the flu. Well, we'll see. No point in worrying about it, I guess, although that won't stop me of course. But the lady at the lab today said Parovirus 19 (Fifth's Disease) tests take four or five days to process, so I won't know until at least Monday. Therefore, we shall distract ourselves with... baby names!

One of the reasons I really wished for a girl is that while there are plenty of nice, solid boy names that I like just fine, there seem literally to be none (and believe me, I've looked) that thrill or tempt me quite like all the beautiful little girl names I've been drooling over like chocolates in a box for the last, oh, five years. Pretty much ever since the ink was dry on a certain Adelay Isabelle's birth certificate.

We have no official list yet, so bear in mind that these are simply a few of MY favorites. However, since Jim got final choice between our two favorites with the last baby, I'm thinking this time I should get that final vote, right? So, here's a sampling of the type of names I'm fantasizing about, along with (ridiculously lengthy) notes on each:

Bellamy (Means beautiful friend in French. So far this name is getting weird looks from the kids, but I love it so. The nickname Bella actually gives me pause though because of the Twilight reference, which to me is, uh... NOT a plus.)

Bronwen (I think the spelling Bronwyn is prettier, but it's a Welsh name and the -wyn ending is masculine while the -wen ending is feminine. The reverse is true for Irish names. Just a little PSA! I want to stick to the correct Welsh form since the origin is one of the things I like about it- Jim and I both have some Welsh background.)

Cambria (I really like the nicknames Cammy and Bria so that's an extra in favor of this name. This name sort of makes me think of Cambridge University, but that's not exactly a BAD connotation, it's just THERE.)

Calista (I have always loved this name, and I like the nickname Cally, but I do think pronunciation might be an issue- for example the actress Calista Flockhart: I've heard her name pronounced both "Ca-LISS-ta" and "Ca-LEES-ta." Anyone know which is correct?)

Evelyn, Everly (I like the general sound of both these names and love the nickname Evy, but can't decide which I prefer- the one seems a bit TOO old fashioned and the other a bit TOO modern to me. I also feel a little hesitant about repeating a first initial, so I'm sort of trying to steer away from A, E and J names. It's not a total deal breaker for me though. Just a preference.)

Felicity (Ok, this is the name I have been in love with forever, basically ever since she was my favorite American Girl doll. However Jim has always been decidedly against this name, at least as a first, so my best hope is to sneak it in there as a middle name. This is really okay with me, since I also prefer any name choices to have at least one cute and obvious nickname, and Felicity is kind of tricky in that way. The only one I can think of is Lissy, which rhymes with Sissy, which happens to be one of Adelay's most common monickers around here. Any of you have suggestions?)

Isla (Love this, but there is a pretty clear lack of nickname-ability. Also I imagine frequent explanations on how to pronounce it (EYE-la, for the record.) This one is in good standing for a middle name though.)

Marlayna (This is the German pronunciation of the name Marlene/Marlena, which I find gorgeous in its original spelling, but would probably alter because I do not wish to have to say "No, not Mar-LEE-na, it's actually Mar-LAY-na" to every receptionist and secretary for the next eighteen years. I also adore the nicknames Marly and Layna. Two drawbacks- Jim finds this name extremely old fashioned, and it repeats the "lay" sound and spelling in Adelay's name. I don't know if I like or dislike this fact. Thoughts?)

Tansy (This is one Adelay suggested out of the blue, and I found it unusual and charming, and endearingly, rather than off-puttingly, old fashioned. There's no nickname possibility, though, and it doesn't fit very well with our pattern so far of three syllable names, so this one is more on the middle name list.)

Feel free to offer opinions on these, or suggestions of others that you think might suit our style! Or just tell me YOUR beautiful girl's name that got away- the one you always had on the back shelf but never got to use for whatever reason.

But Of Course

Urgh. So guess who had a suspicious looking rash on her torso and face last night? And who woke up with the telltale slapped cheeks look today that is basically proof positive of Fifth's Disease? No, it wasn't me at least, but I woke up feeling achy and tired and nauseous and told Jim that I felt like I was coming down with the flu. A few hours later I Googled around about rashes some more and realized what Addy had. Dum dum dum. I called our family doc, who confirmed without even seeing her that she almost definitely had it, and told me to call my OB right away since it's way more alarming for a pregnant woman to get it than a six year old. I'm waiting to hear back from the OB about blood work right now, but I certainly feel crappy enough that I'd say there's a decent chance I have it too.

I'm not entirely sure of what the protocol is if I do have it- one website said something about weekly monitoring and ultrasounds until they're certain the fetus didn't contract it, or weekly ultrasound until delivery if they can verify that the fetus does have it too. I know Katy had experience with this in her last pregnancy- anyone else have a Fifth's Disease anecdote for me? Preferably reassuring of course, but either way I'd like to hear about it.

*Oh, and how ironic is this? First thing this morning, before I put two and two together and realized what Addy had, my doula client who's due in a week called to let me know that she was diagnosed with Fifth's Disease about a week ago! Fortunately she's so far along that the risk of her baby developing anemia or anything is very very slim.

It's Monday- You Get Bullets

-My second doula client is due pretty much any time now. I keep skipping chores in favor of going to bed early because what if tonight's the night I get a call? Gotta sneak in that sleep. My house is seriously suffering for it, since nighttime is when I usually clean. I was back in the routine for about a week once the whole morning sickness/stomach bug madness was over, then I realized that I should really be trying to make sure I'm well rested each night. So, we have returned to the chaos. At least we're pretty much used to ignoring it by now!

-Speaking of stomach bug, my mom is out of the hospital and they're chalking all her symptoms (passing out, alarmingly low blood pressure, elevated pancreatic enzymes, extreme dehydration) up to a bad case of food poisoning. I know I personally will be avoiding Taco Bell for awhile.

-The dog is getting a bath and a teeth brushing today at the groomer's. I'm very excited to see if he'll stop smelling like a gassy, unshowered old man for at least a few days.

-The refinancing is complete! Phew. And we're getting close to actually breaking ground on the addition. So far we have met our contractor, electrician and foundation guy, so now I know whose faces are going to be randomly coming and going for the next few months! Downside: does this mean I need to have my hair brushed and a bra on at all times? And no more schlepping around in sweatpants? BOO.

-GIRL GIRL GIRL THE BABY IS A GIRL! Still can't believe it. It seems too lucky to be true.

-I finished The Hunger Games trilogy this weekend and I cannot get it out of my head! Whenever I get into a series like that and am reading pretty much every spare minute, it always takes me a few days to absorb the fact that I have finished the last book and it is all over. It's like a grieving process when I turn that final page. Man I'm such a geek still. Also, beyond experiencing a total nerd-like immersion in the world of Panem, did anyone else who read the books keep feeling really old every time they remembered that the protagonists are teenagers? I get so wrapped up in stories like these, so lost in the world of the main characters, but with these books every few pages I would suddenly remember, "Wow, these kids are ten years younger than me. I would be way too old to even participate in the Hunger Games." What a buzz kill. Nonetheless, you can bet I am counting down the days til the movie comes out.

I will not, however, be camping out all night for tickets, or writing fan fic or lurking on message boards. Gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently I will draw it at publicly admitting I got a little obsessed with a book that's aimed at sixteen year olds. (Or no? Is this technically YA fiction or not?)

It's A.... Stomach Bug!

Hi! Everything is fine; sorry I didn't post the news last night, but I didn't even get home from the ultrasound, which was in a city almost two hours away, until eleven thirty at night. There was all sorts of chaos, including my sister, who was with me, getting sick on the way home, and my mom being hospitalized with food poisoning and/or pancreatitis while we were gone. Luckily we had the two older kids with us to make all the driving in the fog/rain and the alarming phone calls and the puking on the side of the road extra fun!

But.

It is a girl. :)

And I have some adorable pictures of her sweet little face to scan and post as soon as I get the kids settled with my sister and then leave to visit my mom in the hospital, and bring Sprite to my OTHER sister, the barfy one, who also got violently ill last night! And I did mention that our entire family eventually got the barfing flu after I did, and so I feel really guilty for apparently spreading my flu to every single one of my relatives?

AND I should mention that the ultrasound tech did a bunch of measurements and that she was finding me to be seventeen weeks along, not sixteen, which would be concurrent with my EDD based on the date of my last cycle but which is obviously a week off from the gestational dating ultrasound, which was done pretty early. The tech last night said sometimes in women with tipped uteruses (which I have, pretty severely) it's not uncommon to have trouble getting the gestational age right at the beginning because of where the embryo is or something? I don't know. I just know that one week disappearing before my eyes felt a little alarming! Guess we'll see what's what at my twenty (or twenty one!) week scan.

Kids, Bump, Teaser

So this hairy little monkey has turned into quite the expert at mischief. Beyond the usual stuff, the constant "no"ing and the sudden appearance of temper tantrums at the slightest disappointment, he has also learned how to climb up into chairs. And further, apparently. Today I looked up from my desk to see him standing in the middle of the kitchen table, cackling wildly and waving at me. Not even ten minutes later, I found him digging in the kitchen trash can, trying to suck out the remnants of an empty milkshake container while simultaneously dripping it all over himself and the floor. When did he turn into a toddler? On a related note, I think I see the beginning of the end of my favorite stage of infancy, ten months to eighteen months. Might need to amend that to more like fifteen months, I think. At least he sleeps through the night regularly! A full night's sleep covers a multitude of sins.

More happily, it seems the internet has worked its magic again, specifically the never-failing phenomenon of posting about a problem with your kid only to have said problem resolve itself. The last two days, Eli has been golden. A model child, I tell you. No tantrums, no accidents, kind to siblings, polite to strangers, eating meals, behaving himself for sitters, handling minor disappointments with proportional dismay rather than falling prostrate to the floor in rage, etc. I have been lavishing him with praise and kisses such that you'd think he'd cured childhood leukemia, but dang, I have to keep this ball rolling, you know? When he's not a roiling pit of emotional lava just waiting to spill over, he is seriously the greatest kid to hang out with.



And since apparently I'm doing an update-and-picture (and brag) style post, I can't leave out my oldest child, who is now reading, full sentences and whatnot, and asking me to read her chapter books that don't have pictures. This child that I fretted over all summer because she was only mildly interested in books and hated practicing phonics with me, which I was sure translated to some kind of learning delay and a lifelong disinterest in reading. Ah, catastrophizing. It's my favorite hobby.

I obviously don't mean to imply that reading at age six is anything remarkable, but it's well within the normal range which is very relieving to us. She has a ninety eight percent in phonics, so there is absolutely no cause for concern. And! She has a hundred percent average in math. I think it's becoming clear that she and I do not in fact have the same brain or personality. Man, someone should tell you this when you have a baby, right? That they are actually not just a mini you on which to project your own hubris and anxiety, but in fact an entirely different person altogether that just happened to grow in your abdominal cavity for awhile? (At least we agreed on those Strawberry Shortcake lotions being awesome.)



And last but not least, baby number four here is still alive and kicking and all that biz according to today's check up. (Also at today's check up? Doctor walks in and says, "Oh dear, have you been sick? You are so pasty!" She actually said pasty. Gah. And then I laughed awkwardly and said, "Well, pasty with pregnancy acne!" and she laughed and nodded along and then said, "But seriously... low iron? How was your blood work last visit? Are you taking your vitamins?" Yes, hi, my name is Sarah and in the winter, like most Caucasians, I'm PALE. Get over it.) I'm fifteen weeks and five days along, all is well, and I have gained five pounds of thigh baby to prove it.



And guess what? Tomorrow I'm getting a 3D/4D ultrasound and we're going to learn the gender of this little bump. :) I'm so flipping excited. OBVIOUSLY. Anyone wanna really quick weigh in with their guess?

3 Out Of 4

Hey guess what? I'm having a good day so far. I know. Mostly it's because I am getting brave about trying fun foods again (pizza with something other than cheese! chocolate! donuts! COFFEE!!) and even when it's a fail (see: chocolate, donuts) just knowing that I am totally on the tail end of this nausea thing is vastly relieving. Also, every single room in our house is tidy right now, which has only happened one other time (appraisal) since I've been pregnant. This time the contractor was supposed to come out to make plans about the remodel, but he actually rescheduled for tomorrow just as we finished our whirlwind-cleaning. I was slightly peeved, since I am super excited to get the ball rolling on Operation: More Than One Toilet, but overall I don't care too much because now I can even vacuum and dust before he comes, and really impress him! (Yes, I know that he's a guy and a builder and probably wouldn't notice either way, nor be impressed, but I will feel better about myself so WIN.)

It's kind of weird, though. I mean, our house used to regularly be this tidy. Most days, it looked like this. Now I feel like I'm in a house of glass and sand and that any wrong move will send the whole thing crumbling around me. Plus what are the kids supposed to do? Just tiptoe around, not getting anything out until tomorrow? How did we used to DO this? Wow, did my standards erode but quickly. Oh well. Isn't the secret to happiness lowering your standards, anyways?

By the way, the refinancing of our house went through, so that's exciting me too. Fifteen years, baby! There is a bit of a pang when I reflect that we could have stayed with thirty years and thereby lowered our mortgage by a significant chunk each month and had a lot more financial wiggle room, but I know in the long run this is a better plan. (I hope, fingers crossed.)

So those are the good things. But lest this post get too Pollyanna on you, it may comfort you to know that Jim and I keep getting in stupid fights about the remodel (we... have very different personality styles when it comes to timelines and deadlines and planning and communicating about said issues) and about how to deal with Eli OH WAIT I MEAN AN UNNAMED CHILD NOT THE ALWAYS PICKED ON MIDDLE ONE GAH. You should understand that for us a fight, like an actual yelling and saying things you really don't mean and swearing kind of fight, happens like maybe four times a year. So having two in the course of three days kind of sucks. Although, it often happens that way, I've noticed. Something about the catharsis of actually RAISING ONE'S VOICE and saying all the things you usually just mutter to yourself while you're loading the dishwasher later that night (what?) just emboldens you for awhile. It's the gateway drug into further yelling and unfair fighting practices. Yesterday I was even thinking about throwing a glass. I just wanted to break something. I was so. damn. tired. of thinking about and feeling guilt and confusion about my son's behavior and second guessing myself and Jim about how to deal with it and I just wanted to smash something.

Then of course today said son went and behaved perfectly and ate without complaint the apple slices that he yesterday ruined an entire morning over and is now happily playing with his sister. I just don't know. Every time I think, "Ok, these fits are just getting beyond normal, maybe he needs more than we can offer him, maybe I should call someone, maybe I need a referral, maybe..." he straightens up for a few days and acts like a model kid and I just shake my head and hope he's rounded the bend.

I do see that it's improving, bit by bit, from where we were a year ago, but it's still hard when I think about preschool this fall- I just start cringing, imaging his having daily angry/wounded meltdowns whenever another adult gives him instructions or another student won't share, and being sent home with notes from the teacher wanting to schedule meetings to discuss "discipline strategies" and diagnoses. I so badly want school to be a positive experience for him, not a place where he begins to question his worth or his capabilities, the place where he begins to compare himself with others and find himself lacking. I know that in some ways this is school for everyone, and there's no way around it, but... You know what I'm saying. I want him to stay at home in his jammies and play Super Mario and Candy Land with me and hide him from everything hard for a little longer. Or, for him to magically outgrow having tantrums by age five. And maybe he will. Either way, we all know what a lot of good worrying about it will do, right?!