Friday, June 29, 2007

Anniversary! And Also, Feeling Conflicted

First of all, I'm pretty sure today marks the one-year anniversary of my leap into the blogosphere, so, yay me! (Feel free to send gifts, etc.)
Secondly, I was just wondering if it is normal to feel wildly swinging emotions about the baby's impending arrival. For example, yesterday I had my thirty week check-up and was told that I am still not dilated and just have a big, squirmy baby who is making me very uncomfortable. (And also that I should be taking it easier, of course, and lying down more, blah blah blah. But the bigger and more uncomfortable I get and the closer the due date looms, the less I am able/inclined to take naps during the day.) Of course this made me happy- no bed rest, which is torturous to a person experiencing that biological drive to nest, and no three-day hospitalization to shoot up the baby's lungs with steroids or anything like we dealt with last time. This was excellent news.
And yet... I waddled to the door and thought, resentfully, "Holy crap! Ten more weeks of this. Ten weeks of more heartburn, more breaking out in a sweat every time I bend over, more not being able to see to shave my thighs. More tossing and turning at night with pillows wedged in every possible crevice, more contracting and more constantly having to pee and more puffiness. I can't wait for this to be over!"
Then the very same day, about an hour later, I was thinking of all the stuff I wanted to get done before the baby comes, and of how unwilling I am still to give up my alone time with Addy. Of how going out alone and getting a babysitter is going to require so much more effort now, and also of how I am dreading the days/weeks of postpartum weepiness and exhaustion. I thought, panic stricken, "Only ten more weeks! Two months! And that's assuming I go full-term. That is Not! Enough! Time!"

6 comments:

Swistle said...

I do feel this way, especially at the 30-week point! That's when it starts going so fast, almost TOO fast--but also it is so miserable the time drags!

Mommy Daisy said...

First, Happy Blogiversary! One year is great! Keep it up, I love reading your blog.

Second, I think this is a perfectly normal feeling. I guess that's why I didn't mind being induced a week before my due date (even when going into it I never thought I'd let them induce me). It will go quickly. You'll have that beautiful baby here before you know it.

Devan said...

Very normal! 10 weeks sounds like an eternity one second, and the next second it sounds SO close that you must DoEverythingRightNow!

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

As I'm 7 weeks into this, there is never going to be enough alone time with the firstborn. But I swear, it's okay! It's become great, having two kids.

Happy blogiversary!

jen said...

I felt the same way on almost all counts. But once you hold the newbie you'll never remember life without him. Things will be different, but not worse or maybe not even better (because that would imply less than perfect status before!)

I spent 9 months thinking I ruined my daughter's life and since then wondering what I was so worried about.

T with Honey said...

Those flip-flop thoughts... normal. Completely normal.