Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Mixed Blessing

I was doing really well there for awhile at posting everyday. Now there is either not much to say, or I am too busy frantically completing random nesting projects to post (Jim called home yesterday and was in shock to hear that I was ironing tiny baby shirts. "I go to work in wrinkly pants and you're ironing baby clothes?" he asked incredulously.) It hasn't been terribly hot lately- only in the eighties- so I've been able to keep up on the housework (at least to my satisfaction) without becoming overheated and exhausted. The contractions have been much fewer, possibly just because I'm not being constantly afflicted with heat stroke and dehydration. And my weight gain seems to have slowed down, though my belly feels more cumbersome every day. I have The Line now, the linea negro, as I believe it is properly called, running from my pubic bone to belly button. Which, by the way, is fully popped now, as though to announce to the world that the bun has outgrown its oven.
But these are not the things I was going to write about today. What I wanted to talk about is how we are going to be having my little sister's friend, who just graduated but will be staying in town at least for this year, come over a few days a week to help out after the baby arrives. She'll also be on call the rest of the summer in case I should have to suddenly go on bed rest again. I've known her for a long time, and Jim and I both are really comfortable with her and feel she's old enough to be trusted. She'll only be here for two or three hours at a time, but enough for me to take a shower, or a nap, or maybe even work out or something. Or get some solid housework time in without being interrupted every five minutes, or even escape to the store alone.
I feel amazingly lucky, and much less frightened about Life With Two Children than I was a few weeks ago. In fact, I almost feel like I should whisper this news, or put it in parenthesis or something, lest the jealousy rain down upon my head from all of you who aren't lucky in the babysitter department.
And yet, when she came over yesterday to discuss hours and wages and all that, I had this weird, possessive feeling. She got here just as we were finishing up lunch, and as I was cleaning up the kitchen and changing a diaper, explaining to her as I went our basic routines and showing her the kids' rooms and stuff, I had this territorial feeling about it all, even the piles of toys and the dirty diaper and the messy kitchen. Do I really want someone to come in on a regular basis and interfere with my daily rhythm? I was thinking. Can I really let someone else fold my towels and give my daughter snacks and even comfort my crying newborn?
It's so silly, right? How many times have I been picking up toys and refilling sippy cups and wiping bottoms and thinking, What I wouldn't give to just hand this off to someone else right now? And now I get to, at least for a few hours a week, and I'm feeling sad? What is the matter with me?
It's gotta be the hormones. How else to explain any sense of reluctance to relinquish tedious daily tasks? Or is this just my being hyper-controlling, subconsciously wondering if I can really trust someone else to kiss boo-boos and wipe counters and fold onesies as well as I can?

7 comments:

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

We think exactly alike. In fact we may be the same person.

I'm still "fixing" the things people did "wrong" while they came to help after Shel was born. It annoys me every time, but at the same time I couldn't have survived without the help.

Mommy Daisy said...

I can totally understand that feeling. I remember re-putting dishes away after my mil stayed here for a night while I was in the hospital when Zachariah was born. And re-making the bed, and re-folding the towels. Ahh, if only I could just feel grateful. You are lucky though, and you'll probably learn to deal with each other after a while. I think it will work out great for you.

jess said...

You're just being controlling :) Seriously, once that baby comes you aren't going tohave time to be picky about how your house is cleaned. All that will be important to you is that it gets cleaned by someone, anyone....(at least that's what my sister tells me - two is a completely different ballgame).

Anyhoo, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one playing with baby clothes. I decided to wash all of mine last week and fold them. Adam walked in on my yesterday refolding them (they needed it, I swear) and wouldn't stop making fun of me. They are just so fun to look at.....

Devan said...

I have this same problem. Some days I think "I would kill for a babysitter, or family that lives close enough to help." But then when they come visit I can't even let go long enough to let them help. I'm totally possessive like that.

Kelli in the Mirror said...

For me, the key is not "as well as I can" but instead "the EXACT way I do it". In order to have someone in your house and allow them to help, I think it's important to remember that MY way is not always the only way. As Flylady says, "housework done 'incorrectly' can still bless your family." :)

Swistle said...

I don't like having other people doing my job, any more than an office worker would want someone messing around at his/her desk. I don't think of it as controlling to want things not MESSED with. I also feel funny about people being in my house. The nice thing about this situation (as opposed to, say, a MIL) is that you can "train" her--and hopefully she'll do it the way you tell her.

jen said...

Even after my post today, my husband insisted I could "dump the kids off" on his parents and every time that comes up I just don't want to, for as much as they annoy me I don't want someone else doing that for them.

And then later in the day I thought, "I should just hire someone to come in and clean up once in awhile" and I was thinking how when I'm not tired and worn out I enjoy doing those things myself, and how when my MIL was here after D was born she only made the kid mac and cheese and didn't load the dishwasher right and it really bugged me for some reason... though I guess if I was paying someone to do it I could tell her HOW I wanted it done.

But I guess in the end, when the baby comes, or even now when I'm tired, I for one just don't mind that some things aren't getting done.