Thursday, March 29, 2007

Freak of Nature

I am rapidly becoming a circus side-show known as "The Bottomless Pit." Step right up, folks, and witness the phenomenon of the perpetually hungry woman! Watch her eat breakfast- Grape Nuts with raisins, milk, a half a grapefruit. Now see her rub her growling stomach two hours later and forage through the snack cupboard for further sustenance! See her eat lunch at Wendy's- junior bacon cheeseburger, side salad, and most of her daughter's chicken nuggets. Watch her come home and consume an ice cream bar.
Then, observe her growing shaky and faint around three-thirty in the afternoon while trying to vacuum. See how she is forced to sit down and eat another bowl of cereal to hold her over until dinner. Look in amazement as she greedily scarfs down said dinner a scant two hours later!
Now let your jaw drop in wonder as she continues to eat steadily throughout the evening, first raiding her daughter's Easter basket stash, then polishing off the remains of a bag of barbecue chips. Note how she intersperses these attacks of gluttony with endless glasses of water due to her constant and camel-like thirst.
Back slowly out of the tent, shaking your head in amazement and horror. Be grateful you are not this woman, who is being eaten from the inside out by the hungriest unborn child that ever lived.


Kelli in the Mirror said...

HAHAHAHA!! I'm that way too, even now.
Watch her gnaw off her own arm to get enough sustenance to continue making gargantuan amounts of milk to feed the neighborhood!

Swistle said...

Hey, we could do a team act!

Lisa said...

I found your blog through 'The Sun is Always Shining for Samantha,' it is hysterical and I've been lurking and reading for a few weeks so I thought I should comment and introduce myself.
I have an almost 7 month old son. Congrats on your boy!
I had an insatiable appetite at the start of my second trimester. My mid wife was not pleased with my rapid weight gain at the time...but it all evened out in the end.