Thursday, February 07, 2008

Tallying Up; Also, Boring Maternal Fretting!

The polls are closed! And well, you all do like your sex! But you like your chocolate just a LEETLE better. Those voting for sex over food had convincing arguments, but the foodies had the solid numbers, outvoting you nymphos eleven to seven.
I was actually surprised that the numbers were that close- I had kind of assumed everyone would be all in one camp or the other. Some sort of female solidarity or something. But it seems that the preference depends greatly on both the place we are at in our relationship, and our physical health. Many of us still find sex so new that it's more of a thrill than, say, flourless chocolate cake. Others have been, er, having fun with the same person for over a decade. They look at the bed and think, "Well I've had THAT. But there's a new flavor of ice cream I haven't tried in the freezer!" Or we are pregnant/breastfeeding/have small clingy hellbeasts (phrase credit: Tessie,) and sex, for a variety of reasons, is no longer convenient or even pleasant. We are physically imposed upon almost constantly, and sex can feel like just another invasion of personal space.
That said, I'm still going to push the numbers just a little closer to even by joining ranks with those who would regretfully say goodbye to dessert before sex. And ya'll KNOW I like my food. Anyone who's ever joined me for a meal knows not to even ask if I'd like some cake with my coffee, or some cake with my lunch, or some cake with my CAKE. Now, I could probably give up "real" food fairly easily, but my tastebuds would be in major chocolate withdrawal for some time.
Nonetheless, I still think I would miss the sexual aspect of my life even more than I'd miss Ghiradelli. I'm kind of a tactile person, in so many ways (i.e. I CANNOT shop for things online because I have to actually touch and handle it before I feel comfortable committing,) and I don't think I could do without that physical connection. For me, it is grounding and comforting almost as much as it is exciting. And also, as Mairzy mentioned, I do really like my husband.

All righty then! Before I veer into dangerously romantic and nauseating territory, I will turn this discussion sharply in a different direction: bowel movements! My son's, to be specific. I apologize that I haven't updated on his diaper situation of late, so as to set your mind at ease, but be assured that he has neither roto virus nor any other strange or dangerous intestinal infection, including but not limited to e. coli. HOWEVER, he is still pooping (through his clothes) round the clock, and all of our patience is wearing paper thin. The doctor nonchalantly guessed that he has "some kind of peristent virus" that must be let to run its course, but what the heck, nonchalant doctor? If it's such a strong strain of virus, how come no one else in the house has gotten it despite repeated exposure? This child has had the runs for nearly three weeks, you guys, and been fussy as heck to boot. Do you think I should be worried at this point? Be honest. (But if you can think of a reassuring reason such as TEETHING to explain it, that would be the PREFERRED form of honesty, kthanx.)


Jess said...

This post scares me a little bit because I am definitely still in that first group and I do not look forward to the days when sex is no longer pleasant and feels more like a physical imposition than anything else. But the fact that you said that and then still chose sex over food gives me hope. Just a little.

K in the Mirror said...

I think I'm in a stage where the IDEA of sex is a physical imposition, like I'm too tired to get off my butt and start anything. But once initiative is made, it doesn't continue to be an imposition throughout the process.

I was on the fence yesterday. But now I think without the ability to sit on the couch and eat cheetos, I would be a whole lot more interested in sex. Because it's not that I don't like it anymore, it's that I'm lazy and/or don't like the way my body looks after kids.

So maybe I would give up food after all.

After I finish this bag of chips.

Saly said...

Yes, an invasion of personal space. That's how I would describe it right now, after dealing with 2 pre-schoolers all night, and growing a third....yes, it is an imposition.

I like the point about being partnered up for so long as well. Hub and I have been together 13 years, since I was a junior in high school.

I like to believe that as the kids grow, it will be less of the above for me.

Hub, for the record would give up food and saw off his limbs before giving up sex. lol.

Tessie said...

Well, I will still say SEX without any disclaimers or explanations. It's not like I think sex is an imposition or TERRIBLE or anything, I just like food more as a physical stimulus. I think some of us are having trouble separating SEX from our feelings for our husbands. Obviously I wouldn't give up MY HUSBAND over food. Just the act itself. Anyway.

The pooping. It is SO HARD to use that whole "is he fine otherwise?" test, because how do you separate crabbiness from having DIARHEA FOR THREE WEEKS? I mean, obviously he feels terrible, the poor thing, even if it's just a regular old virus. I don't know. This seems like a job for the Mother's Intuition (yours, not mine, obv.)

Mairzy said...

Tessie has a good point, because although I still like a regular tumble in bed, mostly I couldn't give up my husband. If you offered me homemade toffee or sex... hm, I would have to think a long time. But sex still wins.

Jess, I've found that sex is different in practice than in theory. You go (or, I do, anyway)through phases, even week to week, when it's great or it's simply necessary to reconnect. I never assume I'll hit a point where I'm all done. There won't always be preschoolers, pregnancy, and homemade toffee.

desperate housewife said...

Tessie: You raise a good point. I think along with the disclaimer about food ("assuming you wouldn't feel hungry or physically starve") I should have added, in regards to giving up sex, "assuming your relationship with your husband is in all other ways unchanged and you both would still feel exactly the same about each other as you do currently."
And I totally didn't mean that the rest of you don't LIKE your husbands as much as Mairzy and I like ours! Yikes. I should have phrased it differently. That was supposed to be funny, and now, rereading it, it came out a little... Smug.

desperate housewife said...

And also, I should have said "partners" instead of "husbands" because I realize not all of you are MARRIED to your sexual partners, and... GAAA. My mouth is full of foot.

Mommy Daisy said...

I found your study very interesting indeed. I guess even being married 8 years hasn't made me want sex less. But like someone else commented, there are definitely phases of that.

Poor little Eli. I wish I had advice, but I never had that happen. I hope and pray he is better soon...maybe more for you than him.

SLynnRo said...

Based on my very lengthy experience with the subject, all doctors seem to be frustratingly nonchalant when it comes to poop problems.

SLynnRo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
d e v a n said...

As for the diapers, I would start him on a probiotic (Udo's has a good one for infants 0-5) and that might help. I got mine on Amazon. :)

desperate housewife said...

Thank you Devan!!! Yay! A firm answer on a depressingly unfirm situation (ok, that was just gross, sorry.)

Mairzy said...

That's very strange, that Eli would have this problem for three weeks. Wow. What does he eat? Only nursing, or formula? If he eats anything else, try something easy on the stomach, like rice milk or applesauce.

clueless but hopeful mama said...

I missed the poll! Oh how did I miss the poll?

(Late entry vote: I would take sex over food as I ALWAYS, even pre-baby, eat waaaay too fast to even taste and enjoy most of what I'm eating anyway.)

As far as the poop situation, I would second the use of probiotics. Zoe had the runs for a while when I was nursing her and I stopped eating dairy, took probiotics myself, and gave her a bottle of breastmilk with probiotics (a kind formulated for babies). It cleared up in a day. Don't know which of the above worked but I slowly went back to eating dairy and she was still fine. WHO KNOWS.