Friday, February 29, 2008

The Morning After

To: Large dog who appears to think he was put on this earth to whine.
Re: Ya'll gon' make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here. Ya'll gon' make me act the fool, up in here, up in here.

It doesn't bode well for your day when DMX lyrics say it best.

Moving on! Jim and I had our first session with a personal trainer last night (we're actually getting a group rate because we're working out with two other couples, which is even more motivation to push through the pain. Everyone is watching! Must not collapse on the floor and cry!) Man, am I out of shape. I've been doing aerobics for a few months now, but let me just say that Zumba seems like a brisk walk compared to last night's torture. My muscles are so sore I was afraid I wouldn't even be able to lift Eli today.
My lower abs in particular are shockingly weak, even though just to look at it my stomach seems mostly flat again. I had no idea how much two pregnancies take out of you in terms of muscle tone. It was really embarrassing. There were a couple of exercises that I literally couldn't do because I didn't have enough strength in my lower abdominals to keep my back on the floor. The trainer assures me in a few weeks I'll be surprised at my progress. I'll be surprised if in a few weeks he's still alive. Sometimes the only way I could make it through a whole minute of whatever circuit station I was on was by thinking, F you, Dennis, F you. Except the word was longer than f.
Also, it's kind of weird to work out strenuously with people you know well. There you are, sweating like a pig, feeling sick to your stomach, and making noises like you should be in a delivery room, all in front of people you otherwise mostly just watch movies and have dinner with.

In other late-breaking news, you all DO know which movie comes out tonight, right? RIGHT?! I have actually convinced Jim to go see it with me, even though I also have plans to see it later with some girlfriends. Because they can't go to it tonight with me, and after waiting four months, I am INCAPABLE of waiting even a FEW MORE DAYS.
Oh, you don't know which movie I'm talking about? Skimmer. But I'll tell you. TOMORROW, when I review it extensively! You'll just have to wait!

And also, because apparently I have abandoned completely the idea of continuity in writing, here is a link to an article about women in the workplace during WWII that I thought was hilarious. And is genuine, according to Snopes. I'm betting that in the back of their minds, a lot of male bosses still adhere to some of these rules. Do any of these ring true to those of you working outside the home?

Edit edit URGENT EDIT: GAAAAAAA! My movie- fine, it's The Other Boleyn Girl, and yes, it's MY movie, as in, I HAVE RIGHTS TO SEE IT IMMEDIATELY- isn't showing in this town OR the one closest to it. I'm sorry, I wasn't aware this was some sort of FOREIGN film with SUBTITLES and ANGST and VAGUE PLOT LINES. I'm pretty sure this is a regular old Sony Pictures release full of partial nudity and elaborate costumes! What the frickity frick, people? Ya'll gon' make me LOSE MY MIND!

23 comments:

Tessie said...

Working out in a group sounds horrifying. Totally awk.

That article. Heh. And also ARGG. I think a lot of bosses would LIKE to test for "female conditions" if they could.

Jess said...

You are hysterically funny. The line "I'll be surprised if in a few weeks he's still alive" made me laugh out loud for waaaay too long.

bananafana said...

Oh the workout talk made me laugh out loud.
and I have to add DMX lyrics ALWAYS say it best. That's why they're on my iPod

jim said...

you're not going to be happy about the movie availability

desperate housewife said...

What what WHAT?

jess said...

I'm with you on the sore muscles sister. And don't worry, I am equally embarassed about my noises ;)

That article is too funny. It's basically comparing us to horses - how to break us in and such. Although, I did find some of the points kind of true (unfortunately), but it was only a few of them (clearly having job functions outlined and being allowed to have breaks, etc.).

I gave a presentation about gender bias in the workplace for our students a few years ago. I gave a survey to employees and students asking questions about how they feel about working with and for men vs. women. It was amazing that most women had stronger gender preferences than men. Most of the women wanted to work for men and most men were indifferent. The best part was reading the comments about gender-appropriate jobs. People had strong opinions about men in positions dealing with children and female management styles. I'll have to dig out that research for you to read - pretty interesting stuff.

I guess what I took most from the surveys is that as much as we try to ignore gender differences in the workplace, they are pretty obvious - not to the extent of that article you posted, but there nevertheless.

Mimi said...

Oooh... that personal trainer thing sounds awesome, sore muscles aside, of course! I am green with jealousy over here.

I hope you get to see your movie tonight. Your husband's comment above seems a little alarming.

Fine For Now said...

I haven't heard of the movie, so I will be interested in your review.

Yeah, I don't know about working out with a group either.

Or working out at a gym period. But that's me and my please don't look at me issue!

Hope you get to see the movie tonight!

d e v a n said...

Totally jealous about the personal trainer, not so much about group workouts. heh
SOrry about the movie...

Maggie said...

I need to work out in the worst possible way. I shall add it to my weekend to-do list, because I always succumb to peer pressure, so if you are working out then I have to too. Which is probably for the best, so thanks!

I have The Other Boleyn Girl sitting on my shelf - I have since it came out and I STILL have not read it. But I feel that before I go out and see the movie (by which I mean before I see it when it comes out on video) I should read it. I keep hearing great things about it...

Saly said...

Ok, thanks. Now I'll be singing DMX--OUT LOUD--not just in my head, all day. And in his voice too, not my own.

Swistle said...

LOVE the memo.

The article. Um. If women are so bad at doing things without being told, then we are definitely in the wrong traditional roles: women should be in the workplace with bosses, and men should be at home motivating themselves.

K in the Mirror said...

Must See That Movie. I hope it comes to you soon!

And I want a personal trainer. It sounds horrifying, actually, but the kind of motivation I need.

K in the Mirror said...

Oh, and I just read that article, and I'm seriously pissed that I got the "husky" WITHOUT the "even-tempered and efficient". Come on. There's got to be a payoff somewhere.

jennifer said...

I do love a good DMX reference. Nice work on getting it in TWICE.

Abs...MUST GET SOME.
The movie...what? are there only about 20 people living there??? I thought this was a nationally released movie?

clueless but hopeful mama said...

Have you read the book? Should I read it?? I must read the book before I see the movie. Frankly, neither is very likely any time soon.

Also, as a Pilates trainer, I have to say that I LOVE it when my students are looking at me all pissed off. When I know they are cursing me in their heads, I totally get off on it.

Sick, I know. That's why I'm good at my job!

Hope you get to see your movie!

Jana said...

Not that we can get a babysitter to go see it, but I'd be LIVID if I had an evening free of kids to go see something that looks as wonderful as "The Other Boelyn Girl" and then not be able to find a theater showing it! LIVID, I tell you.

And I think my husband would be, too; he seems to think (from the trailer) that there's a chance of seeing a naked Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johannsen.

Chelle said...

I'm no expert but, in my experience, the abs respond to excercise the fastest of any muscle group. You are going to be ripped in no time :)

Pickles & Dimes said...

I'll be surprised if in a few weeks he's still alive.

HAHAHAHA!

cady said...

omg i can't wait to see the other boelyn girl. we're going tonight. surprisingly, though, it's only playing in one theater anywhere within 30 min. of us. i found that kind of odd considering there really aren't any other big movies out this week. i just hope it's close to being as good as the book!

andi said...

I think I'm the only woman on earth who didn't like that book (I actually didn't even read it all the way through). Please don't hurt me! I hope you get a chance to see the movie soon - perhaps a road trip is in order?

Rima said...

I LOVE the fact that you were chanting "F You" to your trainer in your head. You sound like my kind of girl. Also? I think I would die of laughter if I took part in a couples workout with hubs and friends. Could. Not. Do. It.

Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day!

Mommy Daisy said...

Your death wish on the trainer is cracking me up. I think I'll be periodically giggling about that all day today.

I would like to see that movie. I remember you mentioning the book somewhere, and I'd like to read it before I see the movie though. This means I'll most likely be waiting until it's out on DVD to see it. I don't know how soon I can get my hands on the book. I don't go to the library often, and I'm too cheap to buy the book myself. But it does look great.