Thursday, July 12, 2007

Battling the Demons

So a couple of weeks ago, I posted about worry and fear as related to our kids, and promised a longer post on it later. Now I'm thinking I don't know if that's such a good idea- who really wants to dwell at length on our own craziness and mental fragility? Plus I'll just make myself cry, and I'm really not in the mood. My face is red enough from the heat.
But maybe we could do this a fun way. Maybe everyone could contribute their own personal irrational pregnancy and childbirth fears, those one-in-a-million chance scenarios that you maybe never told anyone else for fear of being stared at blankly, but that constantly circled in your mind nonetheless. You know what I'm talking about, right? It's the same theory as the infamous knife thing from Swistle's postpartum post- if you anticipate something intently enough, you will somehow prevent it from happening! Because moms are magic like that.
So here was/is mine- this was my crazy fear during both pregnancies: That the umbilical cord would somehow get wrapped around one of the baby's limbs or something and that when the baby came out, it would have a limb that would have to be amputated because it had gotten no blood flow in utero. (I know, how gruesome is that? Where and when did I hear some horror story that would cause me to concoct this awful scenario?) And also, with equal intensity, I of course worry about the cord being wrapped around the baby's neck and the doctor's somehow missing it until the actual delivery, even though of course the hospitals monitor the baby's heart rate during contractions to check for things like that. And also I worry about the cord becoming knotted in general, because one of my pregnancy books has a frightening picture of what that looks like, then says reassuringly, "This complication is very rare, but can be fatal."
So! That was liberating to get off my chest. Anyone else? Any bizarro or very unlikely to ever happen kind of situations that you fretted about late at night while pregnant? Let's hear 'em! Everyone break out your inner crazy- it's nice to share.


Tessie said...

I think my most irrational fear was that my baby, who had been confirmed to be a girl not one, not two, but THREE times by 2 different ultrasound techs, would in fact turn out to be a boy.

As we were buying the scads of girl clothes, and painting the room pink, I was like "I just KNOW the little stinker is going to be a boy now"

jess said...

The umbilical cord is my biggest fear too. I also worry that there will be something wrong with him - some sort of physical or mental problem that we aren't aware of (because we chose not to do the testing for it) and that we aren't prepared to deal with.

I have nightmares of a stillbrith at least once every few weeks. I know some people who have had to deal with this and I think it must be one of the hardest things to deal with. I have nightmares of the little coffin and having to hold a funeral for my baby. Ahhh.......

Must think happy thoughts. I just freaked myself out again.

Shannon said...

I sweat bullets until the 20-week ultrasound about genetic defects. We lost our first baby to major birth defects.

Then I worry about preeclampsia until it comes true.

Pregnancy is so worrisome. I think it is more stressful than actually having a real live child because at least you can take their temperature.

Devan said...

I had horrid fears about the umbilical cord too.

I always, always was extra careful getting in and out of our garden tub because I just knew I would fall on my belly and kill the baby. I know that's gruesome. Sorry. Stupid Grey's Anatomy episode. hmph

Also, fears that I would have the baby at home alone. Or that it would be the opposite sex of what we were told. Or that something tragic would happen during l/d and I would die. How would my husband go on? How could he take care of 2 kids all by himself? He can't even remember to take the trash out.
MY worst fear was that I would die and my MIL would get her slimy hands on my kids and raise them the way she wanted.

I have to go lie down now.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I worried about sleeping on my back and killing my babies.

Every time I'd wake up and be on my back, I couldn't go back to sleep until I felt the baby move.

Shauna said...

Mine was about whether my food (at a restaurant) had been cooked with alcohol and whether all the alcohol had evaporated.

Mommy Daisy said...

Oh boy. I was going to write that I really didn't have any fears like that. Then, I read Devan's comment, and I remembered mine.

I wasn't worried about genetic problems. I opted not to test for it, and I was oddly at peace about that. I thought maybe God was preparing me for a problem. But I didn't care, because I knew I could handle it. Funny that I felt this way.

Anyway, I had a completely (but silent) fear about dying during childbirth. How could Matt raise this baby without me, I would think. I know I got this fear from knowing someone who did die during labor. So sad. The baby lived. They got married the same summer as Matt and I. They were cousins of old family friends. I'd never met her, but I did know the husband. Sad story. Anyway, scared me to think about it.

T with Honey said...

I was afraid that I wouldn't have enough muscle to push out my baby. This would then require an emergency c-section. And then when they went to cut me open they would accidentally cut my baby as they tried to get through all the abdominal scar tissue.

I ended up pushing her out all on my own... well, I guess that shot of Nubain helped.

jen said...

I have always feared the umbilical cord. If fisher price can make their cords short enough so babies can't strangle themselves, why can't mother nature? Really now.

this time around I really fear dying in labor and not being able to see my other 2 grow up. I guess the older I get the less invincible I feel huh.