So here's the thing, which everyone around me already knows: I really really REALLY want a girl this time. It would be a huge consolation prize for me in this unexpected pregnancy sitch, if this little belly bump turned out to be of the female persuasion. I know some people think it's kind of horrifying to admit even to yourself, let alone out loud and to others, that you have a gender preference. But I'm all about brutal honesty, like how I admit that finding out I was expecting a kid a year and a half before I had PLANNED to have said kid threw me for a total loop. You wouldn't think a year and half would make such a difference, or that choosing to try to get pregnant vs. having it just happen to me would make such a difference, but boy did it ever. Maybe it reflects poorly on my character, this reaction- in fact I think it does indeed, but it's the truth and I admit it. I am working on it.
However, I do not think it reflects poorly on anyone to say that they are hoping for one or the other sex when they're expecting a baby, and I get really tired of people kind of half whispering, "Well, I always thought I'd like a boy first but..." then rubbing their belly and finishing sanctimoniously, "as long as it's healthy!" I always want to be like, "Er... can't you wish for health AND male genitalia? You know that health and penises aren't generally mutually exclusive, right?" Obviously I get what they're saying, but I just think it should go without saying. Of course I know you hope for a healthy baby MORE than you hope for a boy, but that's not what I ASKED, is it?
I also think we're all big kids enough to let it go unsaid and assumed that of COURSE once you find out the gender, whether at twenty weeks or at delivery, you either instantly get over it or actively work on getting over it. You embrace your child for who he or she is, and, especially if you have a religious or spiritual perspective, believe that this is exactly the child you were meant to have and you don't wish it any different for a second. I always think of what a friend of mine's MIL says, when asked if she ever wished one of her four kids, all boys, had been a daughter. Apparently she laughs and says, "Which one? Which one would I trade in for a girl?"
So yeah, whenever anyone asks me if I care this time, I answer emphatically, "Yes, I want a girl!" I want Adelay to have a sister, to enjoy that experience that I had (threefold!) and if it's not now, I don't know when it will be. Will I try again when she's ten or something? That seems too far apart. Honestly I had already kind of given up worrying about it, because I didn't plan to have another baby until Jameson was three or so, and Adelay would have been eight-ish, already seeming too far removed from this hypothetical sister to have much of a bond during their childhoods anyways. But now there is this unexpected surprise, and Addy will still be six-ish when this sibling is born. Six years doesn't seem so horribly far apart. Six years seems like a bridgeable gap.
Also, and I'm just going to be SUPER brutally honest here: the idea of three boys in a row, especially within five years of each other, makes me want to give up on my sanity altogether and just go ahead and preemptively schedule a psychiatric evaluation for about two years from now.
How about you? Did you start out wishing for a different gender/gender combination/birth order than you have now? Did you ever admit it to anyone? Did you struggle with it much if/when you found out you weren't going to get what you wished for?