So today I got called by the OB's office, telling me that the doctor wanted me to come in to discuss the results of my most recent hcg level check. I of course panicked, thinking that a: I was somehow accidentally PREGNANT AGAIN already and had brain damaged my unborn child by taking all that Cytotec or b: (more likely) my levels were still not dropping sufficiently and I had to have a d and c after all, which at this point would just be the suck, quite frankly.
Fortunately it was neither; my levels have tapered off further still, though are still high enough that my body considers me to be, technically, pregnant. The doctor's just concerned at how long it's taking- it's been a month now since the embryo ceased to be viable. Or since my tiny baby died. However you want to look at it. I've now tried Cytotec three different times to hurry the process along, and all it's done the last two times is make me horrendously sick, which was also concerning. Apparently the doctor's never heard of it doing that to anyone. Uh, even though nausea, vomiting and diarrhea are listed on the drug's website as side effects! Whatever. Just my luck, I suppose.
She said that we could do a d and c, but she'd still prefer not to, and I agreed. Just wait it out some more. It's gotta end soon, right? I'm just awfully sick of getting blood drawn, but at least I get to give it another two weeks before the next one. Let my poor right vein rest up a little.
Anyways, the doctor had to duck out of the exam room momentarily to get some paperwork, so I was idly viewing my chart, which had been left up on the computer screen. Aside from all the depressing information with which I am all too familiar, I noticed that I was listed as Status: Incomplete. I actually laughed out loud when I saw that. Incomplete. Yes. That pretty much sums it up.
I still believe that our family is incomplete. Maybe we're in a hiatus, a resting period while these two grow up a little more, but I feel strongly that their are more children in our future. Someway, somehow.
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10 comments:
I hope you can avoid that d&c after all. It sounds like things are moving in the right direction, albeit slowly. I'm sure there are more children in your future!
I feel that way about you guys too. There WILL be more children. And I'm excited for seeing that happen for you guys, one day, whether or not it's soon.
I swear, these things can just drag and drag on, can't they? I blogged about my own experience here: http://omeomine.blogspot.com/2008/09/one-that-wasnt.html
I am sorry you are having to go through all this! It is rotten!
Hiatus sounds MUCH better than incomplete. I am still awed by your strength.
Yes, I think Incomplete is a good status for right now. You can pick back up later.
I'm always fearful of what I might see on my OB/GYN or pediatrician charts "Crazy woman who will call about the smallest pimple" or "Avid Google Searcher" or something.
Thinking of you and wishing you all kinds of completion.
I absolutely believe there will be more babies - it just may be a surprise when they actually come instead of a well orchestrated medical plan :) And there is plenty of parenting to be enjoyed for this moment . . .
I know I've said this before but sometimes I think the Universe is sending us messages--Incomplete might be yours.
I do beleive that if you want more children it will happen--although you may be surprised at how it happens.
Katy from Bird on the Street--the sign in form is rejecting me right now!
Thanks for keeping us updated about how things are going. I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation and I imagine there are much brighter days ahead - your story isn't finished.
Oh I really hope that things will happen on their own and soon already. You are one tough cookie going through all of this so strong.
I know what you mean about feeling like your family is incomplete. And I know that you will be able to add to your family again in some way.
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