Friday, September 04, 2009

For Now

I'll write more later, but I just wanted to thank every one of you for your kind comments. Having a blog is fun when you have happy stuff to say, but it's when things are feeling seriously sucky and unlucky that having this outlet matters the most to me.

We're doing okay around here. Physically things are mostly over with already, with relatively little ordeal, so that was an enormous relief that's probably contributing in large part to our sense of okay-ness. I was really nervous that deciding against the d and c might backfire and lead to a drawn out and miserable experience, or an emergency rush to the ER, but so far my body seems to be doing its thing without complication. It was almost TOO fast- I was expecting a few days to process things before I actually, physically lost the baby- but its mostly a relief to have this part over with.

I definitely have more to say later, but right now we're just trying to spend lots of time together and with Addy and Eli (although, THANK YOU, family who have graciously watched the kids during hours when we needed some alone time.) All I wanted as I sat in the doctor's office, furiously, tearfully awaiting my post-ultrasound consultation, was to hold my two babies and breathe them in. And also to look at their newborn pictures. And breathe them in.







I wanted another one of these so badly. I really did. I really do. But even if that doesn't happen for us again, or it's going to take much longer than we hoped, I am so lucky to have had the chance, twice. No one seems to have figured out how to solve whatever's wrong with me, but somehow, despite my body's craziness, we made those babies up there. And they are still my favorite babies in the whole wide world.

15 comments:

Mimi said...

Your babies are so beautiful. Thank goodness for friends and family you can lean on in trying times.

Nowheymama said...

Yes. Hug your babies. Thinking of you.

Joanna said...

What a gorgeous pair of babies you guys have! Still thinking of you over here.

Swistle said...

I continue to feel sad for you.

And now I am also hungry, hungry to chomp on some darling little newborns.

LoriD said...

Your babies are beautiful. You sound very strong. My heart is broken for you.

Scottish Twins said...

I'm glad for you that the physical pain is almost over, even though I know the emotion pain remains.

I am praying for you and Jim. Let us know if we can do anything for you.

d e v a n said...

Thinking about you. Sending love and light.

Chelle said...

I believe that there is a special place in heaven for people who search the clouds for the bright spot. I'm so happy I'll see you there, someday.

Erin said...

You are one tough cookie. With some perfect, beautiful babies. Hold tight to each other and you will make it through.

Shelly Overlook said...

Big hugs to you.

Jess said...

I have been thinking of you and wondering how you were doing. I'm glad that things are, so far, going as smoothly as possible. And that you have two amazing healthy children to hold close during this time.

Anonymous said...

I am soooo glad that your body is taking natural action without having to wait too long.

Thank God that you DO have two healthy babies to love on!

Katy said...

Two healthy gorgeous children is a pretty good deal.

Shelly said...

Thinking of you...Hope surrounding yourself with family helps you as it did me. Best wishes.

bat7mess said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't popped in in a while and I just read this post and the previous one. There are no words... just kind and sympathetic thoughts.