Monday, September 14, 2009

Little Stuff That Feels Big

-My OB's office is painted almost exactly the same color as our living room used to be painted. I loved that color for a long time. Now it makes me feel claustrophobic and barfy. I am so relieved that it is gone, gone, gone. I just wish I could convince the doctors to repaint their office, too, so that I could stop feeling that way every time I walk in.

-Relatedly, I forgot how much I hate painting and how bad I am at it. I ruin clothes every time I paint. I end up with drips here and there no matter how slowly and carefully I roll. Paint bleeds onto trim no matter how painstakingly I tape it. I never want to paint anything ever again. For a year or so. (It was still worth it, though.)

-I am breaking out all over. My shoulders and back, even. My hormones are messed up right now, obviously, so I know my complexion will settle down eventually. But currently, nothing is working to control it and I can't even think about trying to cover it with makeup because then my skin goes even crazier in reaction to the concealer.

-My sister is leaving for school Thursday and I am seriously sad about it. My kids will miss her so much. I will miss her so much. My brother in law is leaving that day, too, just when we were all getting used to him being around again. And I'm sad. (Not that you should arrange your lives and education schedules around my feelings, guys. Obviously. I'll just miss you.)

-Jim got me season five of The Office as an early birthday gift last week, and while I am thrilled to complete my collection and while I am still a loyal fan and all, I have to say that he was totally right last year when he observed that the show was getting weaker every season. With the exception of the "Baby Shower" episode, I don't think I laughed out loud much at all. AND I just ended up getting depressed when I watched the last episode today- the one in which Pam and Jim find out that they're unexpectedly pregnant. I wanted to snap at their glowing little faces, "Don't get all excited just yet, kids. That doesn't mean you're actually having a baby."

There are days when I'm dealing with things better than others.

On the other hand, I feel so in love with my kids right now. You know that feeling you get, walking into their bedrooms when they're still fresh and newborn, and you see them looking up at you and you just... feel like it's Christmas morning? It's happening again for me, every time they smile at me, every time I watch them cuddling together. Every time Eli buries his face in my neck and shoves his thumb in his mouth, and every time Addy squeezes me tight and says, "You're my favorite Mommy." And while I wouldn't exchange the baby I lost for this feeling of wonder at the babies I have, it's still a pretty great consolation prize.

8 comments:

Michelle said...

Thinking of you and unable to imagine what you are feeling.

Kelsey said...

I wish there was something to do to make this easier for you - hugs.

Shelly Overlook said...

I am a horrible painter too, no matter how careful I am or how hard I try. In fact, the last time I painted, I actually stepped INTO the paint tray. Sigh.

Hillary said...

It's the little things that stab you over and over. Sending good thoughts your way.

Shelly said...

I know JUST how you feel. Some days are pretty good, some are...just not.

Jess said...

I am so glad that your current kids elicit those feelings in you.

Anonymous said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SARAH ON SEPTEMBER 16TH!!!!

jessicabold said...

These are the days we just want to flush down the toilet and watch swirl out of our lives...

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