Processing

So here's something wild: I am eighteen weeks pregnant today, according to the sonographer from my 3D/4D ultrasound. Or seventeen, according to my first ultrasound. We'll just see. I know it doesn't make much difference, for someone who has uncomplicated pregnancies and delivers around their due date, but for me, someone who is only allowed off bed rest at thirty six weeks, and who is only allowed to have a water birth if I make it to thirty seven weeks (this is considered term and even a few days earlier is preterm,) that week kind of matters, so I am eager to get it nailed down one way or another.

Either way, that's approaching the mid-mark of pregnancy. Firmly in the second trimester. Really and truly pregnant, not just bloated and tired and late for a period. How are things going so quickly? Fourth pregnancy is sure different than the first, when I marked off every single day impatiently, and felt ready to burst with impatience by twenty weeks. This time I am just now beginning to wrap my head around the reality that there is going to be a BABY here this summer. Another real live baby. Somehow that fact lingered only in the recesses of my mind until last week's ultrasound, when I saw my daughter's face, her long fingers and stretching limbs, and realized there is a real-live person inside of me, a person who is going to be here before I know it.

I'm starting to get that second trimester energy surge I guess; besides the physical ability to do more than the absolute necessities, I am also planning and thinking again, as opposed to what I had been doing the last few months, which was to shelve anything other than absolute immediate concerns because I could barely handle the day, let alone six months in the future. But now I'm starting to think about certain realities in a problem solving way rather than a stressy, panic attack having way: for instance, assuming the remodel is not move-in-ready when baby arrives, how long can she sleep in our room in the cosleeper before she outgrows it? If she does outgrow it before we're ready to switch bedrooms around, will I just sleep with her in our bed (doubtful; I don't sleep well at all this way) or put her in the crib and move Jamie to the toddler bed and move Eli to... a cot in Adelay's room? Also, where will I set up the baby's clothes and diaper changing station while she is nursery-less? We don't really have a spare dresser at the moment, but if I moved some stuff around I think I could theoretically fit all of both boys' clothes in one dresser and free up our changing table's drawers for baby girl's stuff...

These really aren't huge problems and will easily be figured out at some point, I know. As I said, I'm just pleased that I am able to consider them without immediately derailing into a meltdown about too much stuff! and too many kids! and not enough room! That's my point, I guess, is that I feel like I'm making progress. I'm accepting that everything will not be ideal and perfect when this baby is born, and that it's ok. It will still be fine. We'll work it out.

In fact, not feeling compelled to put together the perfect little girl nursery before the baby arrives is a blessing in disguise, perhaps. Much less work to do for everyone, and we all know the baby couldn't care less as long as she's warm and has a boob nearby, right? And it'll be kind of fun, getting to choose decor and paint colors after a baby arrives; I can match it to her personality a little. AND I'll actually get to do stuff MYSELF (which I prefer,) instead of hormonally trying to direct everything from the couch while on bed rest, which is how the last three baby rooms got put together.

Also, not to be all preachy and Pollyanna (but hey, I'm preaching at myself:) if my biggest concern when facing an unplanned pregnancy is where to put the multitude of baby supplies and clothes, I've really got it pretty good.