Not To Be

We changed our minds around noon yesterday and decided to go ahead with the drugs this next cycle. I quickly arranged for childcare, made an appointment for two thirty for an ultrasound, and began to feel buoyed and even excited again. But alas, it was not to be.

There is apparently a quite large cyst on my left ovary, a follicle cyst that, instead of shrinking down as it was supposed to, decided to swell up to the size of a NECTARINE instead. I HAVE been experiencing quite a bit of discomfort on that side still, but I just figured, hey, one is bound to have some residual soreness after a cycle of drugs which hyper stimulate your reproductive system, right?

So, instead of getting to try for a baby this month, I get to take the Pill instead to try to shrink up that cyst! Then after THAT cycle I get another ultrasound to make sure the cyst has disappeared, and if it hasn't, we have to look at "other options," whatever that means and I DEARLY hope it doesn't mean surgery.

Also, the combination of stopping the progesterone therapy and beginning the Pill must have had a really whacky effect on my hormones (OBV) because within in hour of swallowing that tiny, ovulation-supressing death capsule, I was convinced that I had been stricken with another inner ear infection. I could not walk without wobbling, I was so dizzy, and every movement was inducing horrible nausea. I was also feeling really faint, and my vision kept getting blurry whenever I'd try to stand. I laid on the couch, held very still, and prayed for either relief or a mercifully swift death.

Thankfully, it went away after a few more hours and a few servings of protein, and this morning I feel normal again. I can only assume it was a reaction to the hormonal adjustment. Although apparently dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea and abdominal pain are all symptoms of large cysts. So far I had only been having the last of those, so I find it odd that all of the others would have suddenly struck an hour after being diagnosed. It had to be the Pill. (Or my own self-loathing reaction to the news of yet another FAIL on the fertility front.)

I'm never going to be able to find this post, but does anyone remember that old BabyCenter column by Catherine Newman in which she talked about how she wished Hallmark made cards for disappointing gynecological situations? I believe one of the suggestions she offered was, "Sorry 'bout your ovarian cyst/ Boy, you must be really pissed."

Indeed.