Jury's Still Out

The nurse did finally call this morning around 10. My progesterone level was 9.88. Which is... Not thrilling. But also, given that my level was a flat 9 the last time I took Clomid and I did in fact end up being pregnant, I'm not feeling completely hopeless either. The nurse on the phone was not encouraging at all, though, which was pretty depressing. She gave me the news all sympathetically, then continued, "This is a VERY low level, so the doctor wants you to take Clomid again next cycle, but then take Prometrium (a synthetic progesterone) as well as soon as you ovulate until you either get your period or get a positive pregnancy test. And then hopefully we'll at least get your hormone levels where they should be." Basically she was acting as though this cycle was a wash, and the plan was to just start fresh next month.

I explained to her that without Clomid, my usual day 21 progesterone level is only 5, which elicited an (overdramatic) GASP from her. Then I explained that my last progesterone level, drawn when pregnant, was still only a 9, so I wasn't ready to completely give up on this cycle. I mean, 9.8 is higher than 9, so it's not OUT OF THE QUESTION that I could be pregnant. So the nurse went to ask the doctor if I should maybe go ahead with the Prometrium supplements THIS cycle just in case I am pregnant and, as usual, need the extra hormone boost. The doctor said it "couldn't hurt," so I am now supposed to take this pill at night while I wait for either period or positive test. The bottle of pills was fifty dollars, just fyi. Not covered. There is no more satisfying way to spend money than on health care, huh? Unless maybe it's YARD DRAINAGE or CAR REPAIRS. Those are equally thrilling.

I felt pretty let down after the whole discussion. I mean, I'm relieved that the level wasn't horribly low. I'm relieved that it wasn't insanely HIGH, also, because then I would pretty much have to assume twins at least. Which I just feel nervous about, still. But I was SO hoping that this time my body would have gotten itself into gear, conceived a little zygote, and them produced the proper amount of hormones to indicate pregnancy and to support said zygote without additional pharmaceutical help. (Also, I'm annoyed that the pharmaceutical help has listed as a side effect "severe dizziness." I have a strong aversion to even the hint of dizziness after the Great Illness of August '07.)

I mean, maybe I'm just not pregnant, too, in which case my body DID succesfully produce the proper amount of hormones. But the nurse acted like my numbers were low even for a non-pregnant cycle. That's different than what was said online, but I guess I'll go with the doctor's opinion on this one and not the Internetz.

Grrr. I'm just tired of monitoring and worrying about the state of my reproductive system. It's beginning to feel like a second JOB.

Edit: I don't want to sound overly whiny here. I know many people have health problems that require constant monitoring their entire lives, and they just deal. Like diabetes, for example. So this isn't a big deal comparatively speaking. And of course there's the obvious retort to all my complaining: "How much can you really say about your miscarriages and your fertility problems when you do HAVE two beautiful kids already?"

I think it's just that expectations are a killer. When you're kinda young still, you just expect things to go smoothly for you, health wise. Particularly in the area of babies. That is one of the supposed perks of having your kids young. So this is just more of me pouting about it being any kind of trouble at all to get or stay pregnant. Take it for what it's worth, and understand that I KNOW how lucky I already am.

Second edit: I did more research on prometrium and apparently it's not a synthetic, it's just the brand name by which the pill form of natural progesterone is know. So that makes me feel better.