So, my five year high school reunion is in two weeks. (Cue eye rolling and jokes about how you can't even REMEMBER your five year reunion and am I sure I'm not a child bride living on a polygamist compound somewhere?) (Marginally Related Aside: Has anyone read Stolen Innocence yet? AM DYING to read that book!)
AnyWAY! I am not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I went to a very small, private (religious) high school, so this reunion will consist of only twenty to twenty five people, plus our spouses/significant others/children. (Yes, there are others who have kids too! We are a bunch of early marriers, what can I say?) So there is not much chance of NOT running into/greeting everyone who attends. It won't be a crowd into which you can blend or get lost. I was initially very excited about seeing everyone, and about showing off my little fam, but as the date approaches I am getting a major case of the N.T. (Tessie: Is abbreviation of this term permissible?) (Holy freaking parenthesis, Batman!)
This discomfort about the idea of facing my past stems largely from the idea of facing a certain PERSON from my past, a person I have not laid eyes on since the day I finally, officially broke up with him after almost a year of drama. I began dating Jim THE FOLLOWING DAY. And then got engaged SIX WEEKS later. It's not Mayberry, but this is not a BIG town, either, and I have no doubt that word got back to him about all this. Also, the nature of the breakup, while somewhat mutual, was not just a "this isn't working" kind of thing. More of an "I can't take your family's craziness nor your spinelessness one more second" kind of thing, a point which he reluctantly conceded. But a point which I remained bitter about for a long time, and which I explained, with some venom, to anyone who questioned me about the breakup. To be frank, I talked shit, you guys. I was Very Angry. See also, Wounded Pride.
Now, having some distance from the situation, I REALLY wish I had remained silent about the particulars of our breakup. I am sure I only succeeded in hurting him further, and in solidifying in his parents' minds that I was indeed who they thought I was. So much of what happened wasn't his fault, and, while I couldn't see it then, was even (wince) MY fault. So much of it was just immaturity.
I never see him, though I did run into his parents once (while wearing sweatpants and a ponytail, naturally.) He apparently moved to Florida and now works for DISNEY WORLD, for cripes' sake. So, there's a good chance he won't be there at all. (PLEASE GOD.) But his family still lives in town, and the reunion will be around the Fourth of July, so it's possible he'll decide to make a trip of it for the holiday and attend the reunion...
I just have no idea what I would say to him. Where to even begin. "So, um, sorry about being able to get over you so quickly. And telling everyone how awful you and your family were. And sorry for being married and happy and all, even though I imagine you were expecting that my marriage was a shotgun wedding destined to fail in six months. And speaking of which, have you met my dear husband, Jim?"
But you guys... Am I blowing this way out of proportion due to guilt/embarrassment? Is it possible he's totally moved on and holds no bitterness towards me? Or is this going to be one Truly Awkward social situation for everyone involved?
Is it possible a really cute haircut and outfit will carry me through with some dignity intact?