So today, I'm checking out at my friendly neighborhood Rite Aid, buying diapers, chocolate ice cream, chocolate Cask and Cream liqueur, and (gasp!) an ovulation predictor kit. The saleswoman, whom I would guess to be early sixties, gave my pile the once over and then, smirking conspiratorially at the liqueur, asked, "So are we celebrating with THAT if the results are positive?"
Ahem. And I was all, "No, dipshit, this is NOT a pregnancy test, it is an ovulation kit. Which for all you know I could be using to AVOID pregnancy. If it WERE a pregnancy test, I would hardly be celebrating a positive with alcohol. EITHER WAY, why are you commenting on my purchases?"
No, I jest. I just blushed and stammered, "Um, it's not a pregnancy test, it's an ovulation predictor?" This was met with furrowed brows. I continued on, to borrow a phrase from Jack Burns, like an unstoppable rebel force. "So that I can, um, know when... Well, when that could happen? Getting... Pregnant, I mean. And it can help you either GET pregnant or, you know, NOT get... Pregnant." She stared at me as though I were trying to pull a fast one on her, then nodded skeptically. "Ok, hon."
Gahhh. Maybe I should just go back on the Pill. At least that doesn't require awkward mini-seminars given to random strangers.