Ok, I'm finally getting around to the "old school meme" Saly tagged me with! It came just in time, too, as most of the stuff I wanted to blog about this week, besides the very boring "omg the weather is so gorgeous can you believe it?!" would have been grouchy/worried/frustrated/TMI. Let's just say I have dropped thirty bucks on children's chewable gummy fiber supplements and powder Miralax, and if that doesn't work over the weekend, we'll be visiting the doctor on Monday for what I can only presume to be a great deal of unpleasantness. Blurgh. While I agree with most moms that in the end marriage is the harder work emotionally speaking, I must say that parenting is overall WAAAAY grosser, starting with that first glimpse of the placenta, you know? It's just way less baby powder and hair bows and way more bodily fluids and Lysol wipes than what I used to fantasize about.
OK, first item on the list! A recent picture of yourself. This was taken by me about five minutes ago, after finger combing my hair and putting on lip gloss, as the most recent shot I had otherwise was from a month ago and was taken by Addy- thus rendering me a headless torso cradling its swollen abdomen. So, you know, apologies for the absolutely terrible lighting, lack of shine-reducing powder or makeup, and general awfulness of photo quality. Our camera is ancient. And my face is puffy and suffering from hormonal acne, so you know. It is what it is, to borrow possibly the most overused expression of our time. But! Twenty three weeks tomorrow! Almost "viable"! That always seems like such a milestone, when they reach the stage that they could possibly live outside of me if they were born. A potential preemie, instead of a fetus.
I know. I just can't even... I have no idea why I stood in front of a lamp. Or why I couldn't manage to get my face AND my uterus in the same shot without giving myself about seventeen chins, but eventually I gave up, so this is what you get! Perhaps once I finish my doula certification I should look into some basic photography classes, eh?
Moving on! Eleven things you might not know about me. Eleven? Wow. I'll try. Um...
1. I have slightly deformed pinky fingers. They're kind of permanently raised and crooked, the way you see fancy ladies (think Maggie Smith) hold their pinkies when they're sipping from a teacup? I have to really work to straighten them, and it kind of hurts. It also made playing the piano difficult at times.
2. Oh yeah. I know how to play the piano, sort of. I took lessons for almost ten years, but I was never all that proficient and haven't practiced in years, so I don't even know what would happen if I attempted to sit down and play a song right now.
3. My favorite wine variety is cabernet sauvignon. Of whites, my favorite is pinot noir. In a pinch though, I'll pretty much drink anything but merlot.
4. I have never smoked a cigarette in my life. But when I was a kid, I did secretly think it was kind of sexy looking.
5. From the age of sixteen until around when Adelay was born, I wore way too much makeup. And now, I wear way too little- so, none, usually. I tend to do this in a lot of areas of my life- I either do all or nothing. I have to work at moderation; it's not something that comes naturally.
6. I am a ridiculous-looking swimmer, though I can certainly swim well enough to brave the deep end without fear. I would really like to learn how to swim gracefully, but the truth is I'm embarrassed to take lessons at my age.
7. The few times I have tried it, I loved riding horses. In my fantasy life, I have stables (tended by someone else, obvs) and I go riding everyday, dressed like Betty Draper in season two of Mad Men. It's a good thing this is a fantasy though, because my legs are not built for jodhpurs. Though I've heard riding really tones the thighs, so maybe this problem would resolve itself after a month or two.
8. I am a terrible painter, even though I still think it's kind of fun. But I am so bad about splattering, and have ruined so many outfits while painting, that once while painting a windowless hallway in our first home together, I decided to paint in the buff. I still can't remember WHY I did that. Had I never heard of "paint clothes"?
9. Speaking of being young and crazy, I also went to a nude beach once. (I really don't spend all that much time naked now, I promise.) I didn't find it uncomfortable at all, is the weird thing. I guess I have a strong Inner Hippie in there somewhere. I think the only time I'd honestly considering doing that again is while I'm pregnant! When you're pregnant everyone thinks everything is beautiful, and all the roundness is soft and magical. Once the baby comes, though, you're stretch marked and varicose veined and kind of look like a deflated helium balloon for a few months.
10. Despite my fascination and total comfort with childbirth, blood and medical stuff in general actually freaks me out a bit. Watching that c-section at the end of my first doula birth was very rough, and even anytime one of the kids falls and splits their lip or whatever I have to really struggle to not panic or gag in front of them. Also, that time I was awake during my knee surgery I had to be given Phentanyl because I was totally getting creeped out and panicky when I could feel things being moved around, even though nothing actually hurt per se.
11. Speaking of births, my last certification client is getting her membranes stripped tomorrow morning, so I'm thinking I'll be helping at my first water birth sometime this weekend! Then, the next birth I'm at will be my own. Gulp.
Okay, that last one was cheating a bit. I'm getting tired! OK, next is to answer the eleven questions set forth by Saly:
1. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be and why?
Hmm. Travel writer, maybe? I'm honestly not a hundred percent sure because I do dislike the process and hassle of flying. But I love seeing new places, I love writing, and it... sounds fun? I also dislike schedules and desks and computer work, so that sounds about as far from all that stuff as you can get!
2. What is your favorite flower?
Oh, I don't know. I've always loved tulips. Snapdragons are pretty cool too.
3. What is something you regret?
The only genuine, large regret that springs to mind involves another person close to me and I don't want to go into the details. Basically, as a teenager I chose not to reveal an unhealthy situation of which I was aware. I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I must have either felt it was none of my business, or I was just too selfish and wrapped up in my own life to get involved and do something uncomfortable. I really don't know, and I still want to shake my high school self when I think about it.
4. You are in a frou frou coffee shop. What do you order?
I love chai lattes, or occasionally a mocha with a shot of marshmallow flavoring. But in general my preference would just be for coffee, with maybe some flavored creamer if I'm feeling adventurous. And I even worked in a frou frou coffee shop for a long time! But I'm just a straight up coffee person I guess.
5. What is the best thing that you cook?
I don't think I've ever made any pretense about being an especially good cook. But there are a few things over the years I've made often enough that they're consistently pretty yummy, if not gourmet. I make good tuna casserole from scratch, which may sound sad but it's one of the few things everyone in the house will eat, so I make it at least once a month. I can make a decent omelet. But I would say the one thing I feel most confident in is my salads. I can usually put together a pretty awesome salad, and I have my formula down pat: field greens or spinach, some kind of fruit such as strawberries, dried cranberries or cherries, or maybe citrus wedges, some kind of nut, and a soft cheese- goat cheese is my preference. Then I almost always use a raspberry walnut vinaigrette.
6. Where is your favorite place to vacation and why?
At the moment, probably the beach in Canada where Jim's family has a cottage. But I like to think once the kids are grown my favorite spot will be, you know, the beach in Greece. A girl can dream, right?
7. What's the weirdest thing in your refrigerator?
Hang on, let me look. We really don't eat a lot of "weird" things. Ok- I guess the weirdest thing I found was the probiotic supplements- somehow we had three different varieties. And I don't even usually remember to take the, so...
8. Do you collect anything?
Nope, not really. Too afraid of becoming a hoarder!
9. You have an entire day alone with no plans. What would you do?
Oh, you know. Eat yummy stuff that only I like. Clean, of course, because I love cleaning when there's no one to bother me. Take a two hour bath. Read read read.
10. Who is your #1 celebrity crush?
Mmm. It used to be Christian Bale, but lately Ryan Gosling is giving him a run for his money.
11. How do you like your eggs?
Scrambled usually, but NOT rubbery (this is very very important) with cheese cooked in.
OK, now I'm supposed to do eleven new questions.
1. Did you ever take music lessons of any kind? If not, did you wish you could have?
2. Do you follow any professional or college teams?
3. What type of shoe do you most commonly reach for?
4. Do you wear makeup every day? If so, is it just a little, or the full treatment?
5. What was your favorite book as a kid?
6. What's the worst injury or illness you've ever suffered?
7. What is your favorite memory with your grandparents?
8. Have you ever adopted a pet from a rescue shelter?
9. What color do you look best in?
10. What's your favorite kind of baked good?
11. What's the boldest wall color in your home?
Who am I going to tag... I honestly don't know who has done this yet or not 'cause I know it's been a week or so since I was tagged. I guess if you haven't done it yet and need a fun writing prompt, here you go!