So! I finally caved and took Eli, Addy, and the Poo Diaper Baggie downtown. In the five degree weather. Only to be told that the liquid poo had been dissolved and compromised by the absorbent gel of the diaper, and that in order to collect a usable sample, I needed to PUT SERAN WRAP IN HIS DIAPER to catch the diarhea. "Just listen really closely," the helpful tech suggested, "and as soon as you hear him go, run in to change him and try to make a little bag out of the seran wrap, and hopefully you'll catch enough of the liquid in there to get a culture from it."
I'm pretty sure I said very little to the people at the lab as I bundled the children up to leave, so hard was I working to keep from screaming in frustration, both at the doctor, who TOLD me to bring in a diaper, and at the NONSENSE of it all, because I'm about ninety percent sure he doesn't even HAVE roto virus. But what if he does? Or what if he has some horrible virulent form of malaria or something?
So we went home, I cut a strip of plastic wrap and put it in the middle of his diaper, and we waited. Of course the little bugger didn't poop for like ten hours then, so it took til this morning to get a proper "sample" of the liquid poo, which of course flooded off the seran wrap and all over his clothes. But I'm pretty sure I caught enough to provide a legitimate sample!
On the bright side, I'm very happy I'm not a lab technician who has to test other people's feces!