Tuesday, December 11, 2007

My Monday

The problem with buying festively wrapped Reese's cup minis is that you cannot in fairness be snarfing them all day in front of your salivating toddler while telling her, "No more candy, eat your banana!" You have to invent reasons to sneak off to the kitchen and furtively shove one in your mouth, then saunter off as though it's all Business As Usual.
But that was not my point. My point today was about Preschool Politics (i.e. other parents' subtle and not so subtle comparisons of YOUR child to THEIR much more remarkable and advanced child) and how I loathe them so very much. First of all, let me say as a disclaimer that I am no less prone to this shameful habit than any other parent. I feel the urge to brag about my kid's cuteness and genius, too, and I am no stranger to those private comparisons to other people's kids. But I try to keep them PRIVATE. I try not to, say, ask every other parent in the room when, specifically, their child turned two, then nod at my own child knowingly and say, "Ah, THAT's why..." The end of that sentence presumably being, "...These other kids seem like such drooling idiots compared to you."
I love all the other parents in our Kindermusik class, but there's this one dad who drives me nuts on a regular basis. He just acts so superior, and his kid is always dressed in preppy little outfits complete with Bass Weejuns. The dad is always asking him questions designed to show off his brilliance, such as, "William, can you count to ten in Spanish for the group? William, can you show Miss Amy how you learned to tie your shoes already? William, can you explain The Theory of Relativity to the rest of the kids?" And so on.

Bonus Humiliating Anecdote!! So the holiday season is upon us, and with it many occasions for some indulging in the spirits. So I was thinking, since I'm not on the pill yet and not getting periods, it might be a good idea to take a p.t. test just to be absolutely sure I'm good to go with the drinking this Christmas (alcoholic that I am.) So I go into the Dollar General (the ghetto Wal-Mart!) to buy one of their cheapo generic tests, only to discover that you have to request them at the counter now. As opposed to what I used to do when I was trying for Eli, which was grab them buy the handfuls out of a big ole' Bin O' Pee Sticks.
So I stand in a line winding halfway to the back of the store, then quietly state my request to the cashier. Who SHOUTS ACROSS THE ROOM in front of the approximately thirty customers waiting behind me, "Hey Andrea, do you have any PREGNANCY TESTS at your counter?" Andrea yells back, "No, but there's some in the back! Have a stocker go get you one!" Cashier No. One then SHOUTS to a nearby stocker, "Hey Chris, go get this girl some PREGNANCY TESTS!"
To make a long story short, I scurried out of the store, redfaced, without the test. I'm pretty sure I'm not in the family way, and definitely not concerned enough to wait for five minutes with a whole line of people tapping their feet behind me waiting for Chris The Stocker to go fetch me my pee stick. Gaah.


Jess said...

Oh man, I'm not even close to having kids and the preschool thing is scary. You want your kid in school in part so they can learn to socialize, but it seems so unfair that you have to socialize with the other parents, too.

K in the Mirror said...

Just teach Addy one startlingly brilliant thing that you can trot out in rebuttal. Gilly learned a song with all seven continents when she was two and it made her (me) look so great... I never made her sing it except when people like that were around. :)

Also? They have pg tests at the dollar store? Why did I not know that? Hmm. I just spent 8.73 for a 3-pk at walmart but I bet I could do better.

That is the one thing I hate about not getting the cycle back- I constantly think I must be pregnant even though I probably haven't ovulated in like two years.

Tessie said...

WHY do they make it so humiliating to buy pregnancy tests? I mean I am a married, 30-ish woman and I about DIE every time I do it.

Also, what are Bass Weejuns?

Anonymous said...

This is all well and good, but what about your HAIR??? Are there no HAIR UPDATES forthcoming?

desperate housewife said...

Erica: YES there are! I really liked how it turned out and I took a picture, but have been too lazy to upload it yet.
Tessie: Just fancypants kid's shoes. Expensive fancypants shoes.

d e v a n said...

oh dear. That story made me laugh. Sorry you didn't get your pee sticks!
I like to brag, but I try to keep it confined to family or my blog. lol

Swistle said...

The kitchen? No, no, no. Strategically, a poor location. Kitchen = food, so already the toddler radar will be on. Better to hide them near the washer/dryer, or in the bathroom, or anywhere the toddler usually is too bored to follow (usually NOT the bathroom, unfortunately).

I wish for a built-in positive/negative panel, like on my tummy or something, so that I could always know. I haven't gotten my periods back yet, so I'm always a little nervous.

Mommy Daisy said...

Great idea K, about the one brilliant talent thing. I think lots of parents are like that. I worry that I am. Since I only have one child, I really focus on him sometimes. I don't mean to be rude, but I'll sometimes wonder later.

Ugh about the Dollar General. I always try to be discreet about buying tests too. Why is that so embarassing.

Also, I'm like Swistle, find a better hiding spot. The office desk is a nice spot...not that I'd know or anything. "Yep, mommy just needs to go look at a book in the office..."