Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Torn

Thank you all so very much for all your comments. I didn't even know I HAD forty-some readers! I feel humbled that so many people are, in some small way, sharing and carrying my sadness with me. It helps more than you know.

And now I need some more help, this time in the form of advise. At first I was all set to have the d and c, be done with it, and move on. Today, I'm feeling less certain. I called the office back to get my EXACT numbers and see just how much my hcg had dropped. It went from 3,000-something to 2,000-something in the course of four days. The doctor said this was a drastic enough drop that she felt sure there wasn't a chance of this being a viable pregnancy. Does that sound right to you guys? Is that a pretty big drop? Because I remember with my last miscarriage my hcg had gone down to 150 before I started bleeding.

Also, even if she's right and there's definitely no chance of this pregnancy continuing, should I maybe just let nature take its course? I'm really dreading the process of miscarrying on my own, but I also don't want to go through any surgery, no matter how minor, nor do I want to be put under anesthesia unnecessarily. And, not to be mercenary, but there is also the cost of our deductible to consider.

On the other hand, I know that often (such as was the case with my last m/c) even if your body expels the pregnancy on its own, there is often tissue or blood left in your uterus and they end up having to do a d and c anyways later on. So should I just get it over with now? And how long until I feel back to normal- I don't want to be dragging around on pain pills at Eli's party, but neither do I want to be doubled over with contractions caused by a natural miscarriage.

Sigh. It's really a bunch of crap that I have to make this decision on top of the general shittiness of realizing that for two weeks my body has only been pretending to be pregnant.

22 comments:

Maggie said...

I personally would have the D&C just to get it all done with, although I can understand why someone wouldn't. You don't have to have general anesthesia for a D&C - just some IV sedation, so there should be a quick recovery time - and no major pain killers needed afterward either, just some Motrin or Advil should be enough (although probably at a slightly higher dose than normal).

As far as the numbers and being a viable pregnancy, I would side with your OB - that the drop signals the pregnancy isn't viable, which was also confirmed by your US.

My thoughts are still with you -- this definitely sucks. Hang in there.

Kelsey said...

I don't know what I would do, I don't really have any advice. I just wanted to come back and say I'm still thinking of you and will be keeping you in my thoughts.

Lora said...

forty some plus one, I was reading from my Blackberry yesterday and didn't get a chance to comment. I'm so sorry about everything, and I have no idea about the D and C. Personally I like nature to take it's course, but that's not always the best/easiest/most convenient thing to do. That wishy washy "should be" comment is a little suspect to me.

Erin said...

Is there any way to have one more ultrasound, just to be 1000% sure?

I went through this exact same twice. I had a d&c twice too. My doctor said that sometimes it could go until 12 or 14 weeks until nature takes it's course. Emotionally that would have been too difficult for me. Personally, I would have the d&c, so that YOU can move on. But it is so personal. You could also wait a week until you decide, just see what happens.

Again, I feel for you so much. Really. For what it's worth.

Bird said...

Gosh. I don't know what to say. I have heard that having the DNC will speed up your ability to conceive again. I don't know where that ranks on the importance scale.

Jyl at Mommy Gossip said...

Are they saying it is a miscarriage or a tubal pregnancy? Do they know one way or the other? I thought I had a miscarriage a year and a half ago and it ended up being a tubal pregnancy. My levels weren't dropping fast. The sudo miscarriage part of it (the part where nature really did take its course) was amazingly painful--worse than labor painful. Not everyone's experience is like that, but I would risk a lot to not go through that again.

Sorry my questions and thoughts aren't more positive. I just know how hard this is. I would totally make sure everything you feel 100% right before making any major decisions. Even when I found out it was tubal, I wouldn't take the medication for a good couple of weeks JUST IN CASE. I never wanted to regret the decision.

Good luck with whatever your decision is. You will know the right thing to do. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Pickles and Dimes said...

I'm so sorry. I don't really have any advice either; just want you to know I'm thinking of you.

Hillary said...

I'd have the d&c. As Maggie said, it's a fairly simple procedure. I've never gone through one, but anyone I've ever talked to or anything I've ever read has said it's relatively painless.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this now, especially with Eli's party coming up.

Fiona Picklebottom said...

Okay, I've done both. With my first miscarriage, my cervix never opened so they had to do the D&C. I went in in the morning and was home by early afternoon. They did put me under and I did have to rest at home for the rest of the day (and maybe the next day, but I don't remember), so my husband had to stay home to take care of the two kids we had at the time. The only pain I remember was immediately after I woke up in recovery. They gave me some morphine, which made me violently ill, so I may not have noticed any other pain due to the distraction of trying to puke out my stomach lining.

With my second and third miscarriages, it all happened naturally and quickly. It was a better (if that word even applies here) experience for my body, though no less difficult emotionally. The worst part about the third is that I had to go to a Christmas family gathering at my in-laws for dinner gift exchanges, and because I didn't want to disappoint my kids (three of them at this point, who didn't know anything about it), we went, even though I was right in the middle of miscarrying. To be going through the emotion of a miscarriage happening AT THAT MOMENT during a family gathering was EXTREMELY difficult, and I spent most of the time away from the festivities. So with Eli's party coming up...

So I guess I don't really have any ADVICE per se, but just the experience of both. Either way, it totally and completely SUCKS and I am so sorry you are going through it.

Billie said...

I have no advice since I have never even been pregnant.

My advice is to consider your options carefully and do what your heart tells you. Ok... sounding pretty wishywashy... but I have no experience.

Jen said...

I've done both... the D&C, while totally crappy to have to do, was a lot less traumatic. And I really didn't have any pain, nor did I have to take any painkillers besides motrin for a day or so.

The doc can also give you a pill to well, basically start nature on its course. I didn't want anything to do with that.

I went back and forth and couldn't decide. Ultimately, it was the idea that I could possibly have another 5+ weeks before anything happened if I left my body to its own devices.

Blargh. If anything, perhaps you can wait a little and then if nothing happens, go back?

I do have to say that the docs didn't really do a good job assuaging any doubts. That would give me pause.

Lori said...

If you have any doubts I would say to wait and talk to your doctor again. I would never want to look back and say what if?
I have had two D&C's, one with general anesthesia and one with IV sedation and I would NEVER recommend having one with IV sedation. It was extremely painful- right up there with labor pains, but with the added emotional pain of what was happening it was worse. My recovery time was less with the general too.
Thoughts and prayers are with you. This is never easy no matter when it happens.

Jess said...

I really wish I knew. If you have even the tiniest feeling that maybe the doctor is wrong, then maybe having the D&C now will leave you always wondering, just a little bit? In which case maybe it would be better to wait? But on the other hand, it sounds like your doctor is right, so I really don't know. I wish I could help.

Swistle said...

I'm not sure what I'd do. I THINK what I'd do is call the office today and ask if they can do another blood draw today. Or...does it take awhile to get results back?

I'd be worried, too, about miscarrying during his party. I THINK my worry about the D&C would trump the party worry, especially if I had a friend or two who could take over at the party if needed.

Julie said...

I am so sorry for your loss!! I totally understand how you are feeling. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. I had the U/S at what should have been 8 weeks, and the sac only looked like 5. Another ultrasound a week later confirmed the pregnancy wasn't progressing. After talking with my doc, I opted to let things happen naturally. She kind of freaked me out about a D&C because one of the warning she gave me was that the uterus could be accidentally sliced during the procedure and cause extra problems.

I wish I had done the D&C though! Going through it naturally was horrible. First the waiting, waiting, waiting for it to happen. It took over a month! And when it finally started, the pain was excruciating! Far worse than than labor with my two kids (of course THEN I had my friend the epidural!). The cramping was horrible. I called the doctor and had to beg for some kind of narcotic pain meds just to get through it. Plus, I was throwing up (turns out I do that in labor too!). And this all went on for about 4 days. Just when I thought it was all done and I was healed...about a month later, some I passed some kind of goose-egg sized clot...of something. It was just a horrible, horrible experience.

I wish I had just taken the chance with the D&C and had it over with. Now I never had the feeling like you are that maybe the pregnancy hasn't failed...so don't do the D&C until you are sure in your own head that the pregnancy has terminated.

Good luck and we'll all be thinking of you!

Mommy Daisy said...

Wow, what a decision. When you're already mourning, and then they through all this stuff in the mix. I really feel for you, Sarah. I've never been through this, so take this as you will. If it were me, I'd want to wait a bit and make sure the doctors are right. Maybe give it a few weeks. I think I'd be tempted to let nature take it's course. (After reading other comments here, maybe that's not always the best thing.) If it's been a while and you're sure it's over, then go in the for D&C if you're comfortable with that.

My cousin's wife miscarried just before Christmas. She decided to wait (I don't know what she ended up doing...natural/D&C) so they could travel for the holidays. I know this was no fun for her.

It's just so sad. I'm so sorry it had to happen this way.

Shelly said...

I don't have any real advice, although I have had a d&c, and funny, I don't remember any anesthetic. Hmm. It was a really quick recovery, though. I really just wanted to say that I'm thinking about you and that I hope you find a way for this to be as little trauma as possible.

LoriD said...

I wish I knew the answer. If you're even a tiny bit hopeful that the doctor may be wrong, you need to do what you can to be sure. I would have to be sure, which would probably mean letting nature take its course.

d e v a n said...

My miscarriage was natural, and I won't lie - it was painful. If you feel the need, or you're uncertain - you could ask for an u/s just to see what's going on.
I have heard that you have to wait 3 mo after a d&c to get pg again, but that's widely disputed I think. I don't know what you should do. ((hugs)) I'm sorry you have to think about this.

CAQuincy said...

I'm so sorry. :-(

No advice from me. I couldn't even imagine what I'd do in your shoes. Good luck.

And happy birthday Eli!

nonsoccermom said...

No advice, just sympathy. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

I'm so sorry. Sorry that I'm late responding, sorry for your loss.