Saturday, May 17, 2008
Spoiler Alert: Very Hot Anecdotes!
The happy couple, taking in the World Expo of Beer.
Jim and I got back this evening from our romantic anniversary getaway. We went to a tourist-y little "Bavarian" village about three hours from our hometown, where they were hosting a beer tasting event on Friday night. It was wonderful to enjoy conversation in the car without screaming/whining/kids DVD noise from the backseat, and to enjoy meals without having to cut crusts off sandwiches or spoon carrots into gaping little pie holes.
You know what else was wonderful? Sleeping ALL. NIGHT. LONG. without interruption. I felt positively DRUNK with sleep when I woke up this morning. It was glorious! As was the novelty of flipping through a full range of cable before bed, after a year of having just the basic local channels. HBO! HGTV! Heaven! The novelty was only slightly dampened by the necessity of keeping our respective blanket cocoons tightly sealed around our bodies so as to avoid GASSING each other TO DEATH.
You remember that beer tasting event I mentioned? Did I also mention that along with our beer samples, we enjoyed between us a walking taco, a pile of onion rings, three bratwursts with sauerkraut, and several FRIED OREOS? The after-effects of this culinary smorgasbord on one's digestive system are not exactly FOREPLAY, if you understand what I'm saying. It was SO AWFUL. It was the exact OPPOSITE of what you're hoping for on a night for which you have optimistically purchased see-through black negligee.
Ill advised sampling of the local culture. Lovers, take note.
You know what else is not what you're hoping for? This: to be strolling hand in hand down the replica German cobblestone, having just SECONDS before professed your love for each other, and then hear your husband, referencing the pair of leashed mastiffs also strolling the village, marvel, "Can you imagine how much those dogs must CRAP?!"
Yes, we are a pair of sentimental fools, what with our indigestion and our talk of DOG FECES. AND THERE'S MORE. On the way home, passing a sleazy adult book and video store off the highway, I commented, "Huh. Bet they wouldn't even CONSIDER me anymore, what with these stretch marks and saggy boobs, huh?" But instead of replying in a similarly lighthearted/obviously sarcastic manner, Jim said comfortingly- AND SERIOUSLY- "Well, they have some that they keep really dark, to hide things. They'd probably use you!"
I'd look hotter in lower lighting, apparently.
(We actually did have a lot of fun. We laughed a lot, which fifty years from now is probably all we'll remember. The flatulence and the talk of crap and strip joints will have faded into total obscurity!)