Saturday, May 17, 2008

Spoiler Alert: Very Hot Anecdotes!


The happy couple, taking in the World Expo of Beer.

Jim and I got back this evening from our romantic anniversary getaway. We went to a tourist-y little "Bavarian" village about three hours from our hometown, where they were hosting a beer tasting event on Friday night. It was wonderful to enjoy conversation in the car without screaming/whining/kids DVD noise from the backseat, and to enjoy meals without having to cut crusts off sandwiches or spoon carrots into gaping little pie holes.
You know what else was wonderful? Sleeping ALL. NIGHT. LONG. without interruption. I felt positively DRUNK with sleep when I woke up this morning. It was glorious! As was the novelty of flipping through a full range of cable before bed, after a year of having just the basic local channels. HBO! HGTV! Heaven! The novelty was only slightly dampened by the necessity of keeping our respective blanket cocoons tightly sealed around our bodies so as to avoid GASSING each other TO DEATH.
You remember that beer tasting event I mentioned? Did I also mention that along with our beer samples, we enjoyed between us a walking taco, a pile of onion rings, three bratwursts with sauerkraut, and several FRIED OREOS? The after-effects of this culinary smorgasbord on one's digestive system are not exactly FOREPLAY, if you understand what I'm saying. It was SO AWFUL. It was the exact OPPOSITE of what you're hoping for on a night for which you have optimistically purchased see-through black negligee.


Ill advised sampling of the local culture. Lovers, take note.


You know what else is not what you're hoping for? This: to be strolling hand in hand down the replica German cobblestone, having just SECONDS before professed your love for each other, and then hear your husband, referencing the pair of leashed mastiffs also strolling the village, marvel, "Can you imagine how much those dogs must CRAP?!"
Yes, we are a pair of sentimental fools, what with our indigestion and our talk of DOG FECES. AND THERE'S MORE. On the way home, passing a sleazy adult book and video store off the highway, I commented, "Huh. Bet they wouldn't even CONSIDER me anymore, what with these stretch marks and saggy boobs, huh?" But instead of replying in a similarly lighthearted/obviously sarcastic manner, Jim said comfortingly- AND SERIOUSLY- "Well, they have some that they keep really dark, to hide things. They'd probably use you!"


I'd look hotter in lower lighting, apparently.

(We actually did have a lot of fun. We laughed a lot, which fifty years from now is probably all we'll remember. The flatulence and the talk of crap and strip joints will have faded into total obscurity!)

22 comments:

JMC said...

Ha ha! But seriously, fried Oreos? Really? That's AWESOME!

Jess said...

You look pretty hot in natural lighting too! Also, fried Oreos?! That sounds simultaneously horrifying and delicious.

SLynnRo said...

You kinda had to see the after effects coming! But I would say worth it on the fried Oreos regardless :)

Maggie said...

I had no idea that you could fry an oreo...I'm disturbed and fascinated at the same time. And how cute are the two of you?! I'm glad that you had a great time - you deserved it!

Jess said...

It looks like you guys had a really good time!!

Mommy Daisy said...

That sounds like a lot of fun. And it can't all be romance and roses, we'd get tired of it. It's the gas and talk of crap that keeps marriages alive. ;)

desperate housewife said...

Slynnro: Yeah, I know- in perspective, it could easily have been avoided. I don't honestly know WHAT we were thinking. "Fried grease! Processed meat! The food of LOVE, obviously! Practically aphrodisiacs!"

Swistle said...

Ha! You guys are so fun! I would totally go on vacation with you, even if we had to open the windows!

Marie Green said...

Oh, the romance of married people with kids!

Also, I think you look fantastic, and if I had a strip club, I'd totally hire you. =) Or something... gawd, was that weird? I mean, I'm not into strip clubs, not that I'm AGAINST them either... OH NEVERMIND.

Congrats on the weekend away!

Bird said...

I still want to see skinny, glittery bride pictures.

A good time is the most important thing. Those can be hard to come by when you're arguing over whose turn it is to get up when the baby starts yelling.

Tessie said...

Aww. You are both so, so CUTE! I would hire you BOTH as strippers!

Saly said...

This made me crave beer and brats. Darn you!!

Also fried oreos scare me!

Congrats on your anniversary, glad you had fun!

Kelsey said...

What a cute couple you make!

d e v a n said...

hahahaha. Seriously, too funny.

Duck Hunter said...

That's VERY funny.

Pickles & Dimes said...

You are too funny! And you both are very cute - in good lighting.

K in the Mirror said...

I have been back to read this post three times because it makes me laugh so much. Thank you.

Chelle said...

It sounds like you guys had a great time! And I have to agree with other comments; you look great in any lighting.

Jill said...

Happy belated anniversary! I'm envious of your anniversary trip. Mmm beer and brats...

jennifer said...

Ahh, the joys and smells of marriage!

Happy belated anniversary!

Astarte said...

Hey, poop and fart jokes ARE married life, honey!!! Don't you watch The Simpsons? :)

Hello, you look great! Low light, my ass. Um, actually NOT my ass. My ass needs BLIND DARKNESS.

Susiewearsthepants said...

Glad you got a chance to get away. I am jealous, but not in creepy, unhealthy way. I love men, but sometimes they just don't get it.