Reasons For Sainthood Nomination Are As Follows:

This week I planned out five meals (recipes courtesy of Meals Matter,) shopped accordingly, and so far all have been successful and fairly nutritious. Feel loving and homemaker-y and also clever and organized, like a cross between the Barefoot Contessa and Sandra Lee.

Thursday night, Jim and I drove forty-five minutes in the pouring down rain to go work out with the trainer. We are both so unbelievably sore now that Jim took a hot bath with baking soda this morning to try to soothe his muscles (usually he equates baths with estrogen,) and my thighs are screaming in protest every time I do strenuous things like bend down to pick up a toy or try to sit on the toilet. Keep in mind that we are PAYING DEARLY to be in this much pain.

Yesterday I cleaned like a mad woman for another showing- again, with less than twenty-four hours notice. I ended up cramming about three loads of dirty laundry into the washer just to hide it, two loads of clean, unfolded clothes into the dryer, and another two laundry baskets of dirty clothes were driven away in my front seat, while the dog sat in the back, wedged between two car seats, panting nervously (and wetly) into my right ear. I am getting sick of this crap.

Last night, at about one thirty, Eli bit me for the first time. Like, BIT me. With his two pearly new TEETH. I think I see weaning on the horizon.

The (insert very bad word of your choice) dog crawled under the deck AGAIN this morning, and got so filthy this time that just wiping him off with wet towels wasn't cutting it. It was time for A Bath. The dog is seventy-five pounds, has hair like a sheep, and is as skittish and leggy as a newborn colt. Giving him a bath is the equivalent of bathing one of the kids like, a HUNDRED times in a row. Then you have to blow dry him, otherwise he runs around the house shaking wet fur all over everything for the next half hour. Upon releasing the clean dry dog at last from the bathroom, your own clothing is wet and filthy, as well as about six towels, the tub, the bathroom rugs, and everything else in the bathroom, including the walls. Keep in mind that this is the bathroom you just scrubbed down YESTERDAY for strangers to walk through and admire. Try, if you can, to summon up the will to clean it. Also the will to live.