Firstly. The Other Boleyn Girl. Soap opera-ish? Check. A wee bit campy? Check. A one-dimensional character for Scarlett Johansson and an overly hysterical one for Natalie Portman? Check and check. Not nearly as engrossing as the book itself? Check. A very rushed timeline which squeezes the events of ten-plus years into a little under two hours? Check. A director who seemed PHYSICALLY UNABLE to segue from one scene to the next without placing a camera behind lattice work or a pillar or a tapestry, as though there were an Unseen Presence watching the movie with us the entire time? BIG CHECK.
And yet I loved it. And yet I will undoubtedly buy it and watch it and stroke its glossy case like one of the doomed puppies in Of Mice And Men. Because despite its drawbacks, which I was warned of ahead of time by reading other reviews, it still had all that I require for a satisfying movie experience. Exciting yet not quite porn-like sex scenes? Check. Lots of shots of various European castle-y structures with elaborately costumed actors frolicking about in them? Check. Much intrigue and romance and frantic horseback riding to and fro? Check. Lots of pregnancies and having of babies? Big fat CHECK. And we have a winner, folks!
Now, on to another recently viewed film, Silk. This movie, to quote Linda's husband, was a hell of a way to spend a Saturday night. It has Keira Knightley, who usually chooses decent films. It has elaborate costumes and is set in France in the vague "olden times" period of which I am so fond. It seemed set up to win with me. Yet how it disappointed. Minutes and minutes of drawn out travel scenes in which NOTHING happens and NO ONE speaks. A romance for which a man risks his nearly perfect marriage, a romance which is based only on EYE CONTACT and in which the two star-crossed lovers have never even SPOKEN. Love letters full of cringingly awful "erotic" prose. A forlorn Keira Knightley wasting away tragically, fainting in gardens, and being "aged" by apparently having someone liberally streak her hair with baby powder.
Check back next time for another exciting installation of "At The Movies With Semi-Desperate!"