Thursday, September 06, 2007

A Week Ago At This Time

(which is four forty-five AM)I was just waking up from my mid-labor nap, feeling restless and grumpy. I am currently hanging out with a wide-awake Eli, but again feeling distinctly rest-less. And fairly grumpy, because I keep thinking about how in three hours we have to leave for the doctor's office, so there will be no sleeping in for me this morning.
I can't believe he'll be a week old tomorrow. It seems impossible that it's been only a week, but also impossible that it's only been a week. Wasn't I just being wheeled to recovery? But then again, hasn't he been here forever? Hasn't the house always smelled like a diaper pail?

Twelve hours later. Just woke up from a nice, drug-laced nap, which felt like heaven after a long morning of doctor's office, hospital, and errands (picking up necessities such as donuts and industrial-sized pads.) I ended up leaving at eight fifteen with Eli and not getting back until noon. First it took forever at the ped's office because of all the new patient paperwork I forgot I had to fill out for him, and then he ended up looking kind of jaundiced still, so we got sent to the hospital for another blood draw to check on the bilirubin levels. I hadn't stopped to eat breakfast, and I had foregone the pain pill in favor of driving legally, both unfortunate choices. By the time I was leaving the hospital, I was so hungry and tired and achy in all sorts of body parts that one of the old, frail looking volunteers asked me kindly if I was all right, or if I needed him to carry the infant seat for me.
I was all right, of course, although let me just say that I think when our hospital spent millions of dollars on new patient ammenities and an extended lobby/outpatient area, they might have thought to include a freaking chair somewhere in which a mom could nurse her screaming baby! So that the mom does not have to stand in a bathroom stall for twenty minutes with a furious infant yanking on her knockers.
Beyond that, thank goodness lots of people, including many of you, reminded me of the insane weepiness which follows birth. I cannot stop crying, over completely random things. This morning, waiting outside the hospital for the valet service, I saw a little girl about Addy's age playing in the fountain and I got all teary and nearly burst into a weeping fit in front of about twenty people. Because... ? I cry if Addy is happy with the baby because it's so sweet; I cry if she's angry because I feel so bad for springing this new sibling on her. I cry if I'm hungry or tired or sore or if Jim forgets to affirm my self-worth every hour on the hour. I cry more than the baby does, seriously.
Apart from that, I am very happy with this new guy who's moved in here. I am especially happy, and things seem simple and very handle-able, when I have taken a pain pill and all the children are asleep and I am eating a delicious meal brought to me by someone else. It reminds me of being in the hospital, which, frankly, I love. I don't understand why people are so desperate to leave the fresh crisp sheets and the nursery at night (I had him brought back for feeds, don't worry!) and the pain pills and ice water brought to you cheerfully any hour of the day.
'Kay, just got back from cleaning up a poo explosion which was dropped literally in my hand. I think I am done trying to write coherently- let's just have pictures, shall we?


shauna loves chocolate said...

Has it been a week already?

I love that last picture!

Lisa said...

You guys make a beautiful family! I can't believe that little man is already a whole week old.

Jess said...

Oh my god, the cute! The cute! You guys are a gorgeous family.

Swistle said...

OH so sweet! Also, I totally identify with that WHOLE PART about the crying, and about how manageable things seem with pain pill plus food plus sleeping children, and about the wonderfulness of the hospital.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking what Jess already said - you guys are such a gorgeous family!

Lisa said...

You're doing great! Feel better soon:)
Today is James Ryan's first bday and I feel as if I'm finally starting to feel more like myself again...I lived in a weepy haze for a few the first few months and then started to feel better little by little. Your birth story was amazing, really! Don't be hard on yourself about anything, you have an adorable family. The first few months are tough (although I hear we forget about some of the hard stuff).
Take care of that baby, and let everyone else take care of you.

Mommy Daisy said...

Aww, the pictures are awesome. Whenever I think about you and I have the computer on I go look at the hospital pictures that Jim posted. I just love seeing the newborn baby. Now I have a new picture to look at.

I have been wanting to call you and see when I can come over, but...I'm sick! I can't stand it that I haven't seen your baby yet. I see him online and hear about him, but I haven't made it over there. I was wanting to bring by a dessert sometime. I will call when I'm feeling better. I'm getting ready to head out of town this weekend anyway.

I'm glad to hear things are manageable with Eli in your life now. And those post parnum weepies will be gone soon enough. (I guess I never had them. I also never took any pain meds...does that play a role in it? Just guessing it's a possibility. But you did say that seemed to help. Who knows.)

So his jaundice level must not have been too bad. That's good.

I'm glad you have lots of people to help you out for now. Best of luck, and I'll get over there when I can. Take care!

Devan said...

Love the pics!! Your post had me laughing and crying, because I've been there too recently to have forgotten it. :)
You're doing great!

Black Sheeped said...

Cute, cute!

nowheymama said...

Congratulations, and great name! :)

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Beautiful family!

And it's been 4 mos for me and I'm still crying. Luckily not as much as the first week.

Tessie said...

Oh, what a sweet family you have!

Maybe a re-read of the famous Swistle Postpartum Post is in order? I know I feel calmed just THINKING about it, and I'm not even pregnant/postpartum.