Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Info, Rambling

Quick update- My progesterone was 15.70 on Monday. That is... meh. Not fantastic. But I refuse to take any more progesterone supplements, despite being nagged about it from every single person in the doctor's office. I have tried it three stinking times with no success, and I feel like all it ever did for me was drag the process out, since progesterone keeps you from physically miscarrying even if the embryo has already failed. So I get to walk around thinking it's fine when it's not. I'm done with that, especially since there are no conclusive studies to show that progesterone supplements help improve the chances of a declining pregnancy. Even my doctor admitted the truth of that. So.

But on another note, I nearly barfed today; that's always an allegedly good sign, right? Also, craved: (and ate and felt much better for it) cold pizza, Taco Bell, pineapple, and pink lemonade.

Another DEFINITELY good sign is that my hcg draw this morning had reassuring results: it rose from 4300 to 6600 since Monday morning. At first I panicked because it didn't double in forty eight hours, which I thought it was supposed to, but the nurse told me once the levels hit 4000 they don't expect them to double anymore, and that a fifty percent jump was very good. So. Okay.

I took Adelay to her dance class tonight and ran into a friend I hadn't seen for awhile but had heard through the grapevine was pregnant. We were chatting about baby stuff in general (though I didn't reveal my secret) and specifically OB's, when she shocked me by saying, "Yeah, I just love Dr. so and so. She was so great to me through all my miscarriages." Wha? I mean, I'm not best friends with her or anything, but I'm close friends with other people who are close friends with her, so I just kind of thought I would have known if she'd had multiple miscarriages.

Further discussion revealed that she, too, has had three losses and two live births, but her stories were even worse than mine. She's had one early loss, seven weeks along and ultrasound revealed a still empty sac, but the other two were at twelve and sixteen weeks, the part of pregnancy where you start to let your breath out and think you're in the clear. "Yeah," she shrugged. "We just kinda don't tell anyone we're expecting until I'm at least four months along now."

I personally feel the opposite way, after my experiences- for one thing, if I'm feeling sick or needing to procure childcare for frequent doctor's visits or whatever, it's really helpful to have family and friends who KNOW you're pregnant (and nervous) and are eager to help rather than wondering why you keep dumping your kids off, or napping in the middle of the day. And also, while the friend I talked to this evening said that she never wanted to have to tell and then UN-tell people about a coming baby ever again, I feel like sharing this pain helps with the healing. It would feel awful and unnatural to me to be grieving and have to try to mask it when I was around other people. I guess everyone's just different. Um, OBVIOUSLY- scintillating observation, there, Sarah!

But that's just a side topic, there. My main point was, WOW. Here's someone with two kids and three losses, and I had no idea. Another woman chimed into our conversation, too, saying that she'd had a miscarriage before having any live births, and that she was totally blindsided and thought she must be "barren or something." I got to thinking about how many people I KNOW OF who have had at least one miscarriage, and then wondering how many people have that I just DON'T know about. Why don't people talk about this more, so we aren't all so shocked and horrified upon experiencing it ourselves?

I mean, it never crossed my mind, as a young, healthy woman in my twenties, that I would have more than a remote chance of having even one loss, let alone three (and ONLY THREE, KNOCK ON WOOD.) But it happens, and not just to me, and sometimes for no reason that anyone can pinpoint. You just have to keep trying and hoping. Nature is a cruel, fickle beast, but it sure would help if we could at least WARN each other about her ways a little more.

So, PSA! Miscarriage: It's not just for other people! Also, you are not a freak of nature or an inferior woman just because you happen to release a defective egg or your body doesn't like to produce certain hormones. You are just a human being, and subject to the whims of your body like everyone else. And... It sucks. Hang in there. One of these days, we are going to have us a baby, okay?


Marie Green said...

I know so many people that have had losses... and I've heard that it's about 1 in 2 pregnancies, so that's a lot. And you are totally right that it's not talked about enough.

I'm the odd one out: 2 pregnancies, 3 live births. So when thinking about another, I quiver a little bit... I mean, it's my turn, right? And for the record, I think I would fall squarely in your school of thought that telling people helps. We've always told early, and if I ever have a loss, I'd want and need to know that other people were excited about my baby and therefore also feeling a loss.

I hope that baby continues to HANG TIGHT. And have you made any progress on finding us a room full of fainting couches?

Michelle said...

When I started telling people out our fertility treatments - I've never been one to keep a lid on ANYTHING - it amazed me the number of people who told me about their treatments! I've often thought that as mothers we should hold each other up more and be open about things we keep to ourselves, if only to help each other. Now I'm beginning to think that as WOMEN we need to hold each other up and be willing to share information and personal experiences. The decision to seek treatment to help us have another child would have been so much easier to make had I been able to hear first hand from any of the many women I now know had treatment.

I continue to pray your wee one stays tucked in securely for the next eight plus months!!

Fine For Now said...

I know 5 women who have had miscarriages. Three of them with one and then successful births. Two of them have had two, one with a live birth while the other woman still struggles to get pregnant and stay pregnant. It really is so much more common than people realize.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why people don't talk about miscarriages or fertility issues more openly. It would help so much to know that you are not alone and that other people understand what you are going through.

We are still trying for a baby, but there are issues and we recently started seeing a fertility specialist. We (me in particular) have found that it makes us feel so isolated in that it is just not really talked about. Everyone else we know who fell pregnant did so naturally and easily, which just makes me feel worse - kind of like we are 'inferior' becasue we need help and it makes the whole thing of going there and getting tests done etc like a dirty little secret, and I hate that. It would be so nice to have people that we could openly talk to about what is going on and what we are going though and who would understand.

What is scaring me and taking some of the joy out of eventually getting that positive test is that women with the same condition as me have a very high chance of miscarrying (at least) the first pregnancy. And I mean like a *really* high chance. So I am in the boat of wanting to be excited to fall pregnant, but also not wanting to get too attached to the idea because we will likely lose it. My only consolation is that I have a very good friend who has had 5 miscarriages (2 live births)and I know I will be able to talk to her if/ when it happens.

Because we know the chances of miscarriage are high, we have decided that when we find out, we will only tell 1 or 2 very close friends. The rest we will only tell when I am at least 3 - 4 months along. I would feel gutted if we announced it to everyone and then I miscarried. I do understand your point that it helps in the healing process, but for me, having to 'un-tell' people would just be a constant reminder of what I have lost.

But I have all my fingers crossed for you that your baby hangs in there, and stays safely tucked away until due date :-)

Giselle said...

I told everyone early, because I didn't think miscarriages happened very much. And then it happened to me, after 2 1/2 weeks of gleefully spreading the news. But I agree with was GOOD that people knew why I was sad. And I remember calling my mom sobbing that I would NEVER be able to have kids, and she proceeded to tell me that all 3 of my aunts had miscarried their first pregnancy also. Stories I never even had an incling of. And she had miscarried. And 2 of her friends. And on and on and on.

But the most amazing thing was that I became the "miscarriage guru" at work. Because most people DON'T talk about it, so when you have one you feel so broken because you think you're the only one. So after my miscarriage, co-workers would come and share when they had one, my sister would guide complete strangers to call me to talk about it after they had miscarriages, etc etc. Weird. But hopefully a healing productive kind of sharing.

Anonymous said...

I agree that it talked about, but I don't understand why when it's happened to nearly every woman. & if it hasn't happened to you, then you know someone who has been effected. There certainly should not be any shame, but it almost seems like people think it's something to be embarrassed about. I don't know.

I am still sending happy thoughts your way. Thanks for the update.

Tracy said...

Sarah- my RE doesn't even give out progesterone to RPL patients. he says the same thing you just cited about it. there are no proven benefits.

and, in terms of telling when pregnant, I'm now in your camp. Used to be that we'd wait and tell later, like at 12 weeks. But, after so many losses, I feel like the more people who are praying, the better. Of course, I don't go broadcasting on facebook to people I don't know that well, or havent' seen in years. But,my friends are the people I NEED to know. That way they can take care of me. :)

Miscarriage is, unfortunately, something that makes people uncomfortable to talk about. Its amazing to me. How can you NOT talk about something that has so greatly effected your life?

Hillary said...

I think it would be helpful to share with people. And along those lines, maybe more women should talk about their miscarriages -- might make it easier for everyone to know they weren't alone.

fingers and toes still crossed for you.

Shelly said...

It definitely sounds like things are going well this time! Fingers crossed!

Telling or not telling....hmmm...I don't know. I think I'm now in the "wait to tell" camp. I would tell parents and maybe one or two close friends. But co-workers, internets, facebook, etc., is definitely going to wait until after the first trimester. I HATED the un-telling last time. I felt so bruised and raw already, and then having to un-tell and un-tell and un-tell people I didn't feel all that close to? GAH, wanted to die.

Sage said...

You have to handle things the way you are comfortable. Some like to share and some do not. Everyone has their own preference, and it's neither right nor wrong, but what they choose for themselves so they can deal with the situation. What I have personally discovered is not sharing does not make the disappointment any less painful when the outcome isn't what I hoped for.

BTW.... I have a really good feeling about this pregnancy... Sending good thoughts your way.

Fiona Picklebottom said...

I tell, because like you said, you might need help. I've had three miscarriages and I have four kids. So getting pregnant is obviously not a problem for me, staying that way is. My first miscarriage was between my 2nd and 3rd kids, then I had two more miscarriages before I got pregnant with my 4th. That last pregnancy was scary because I had bleeding for six weeks due to bleeding at the implantation site (it had a name I can't remember now... sub-something hemorrhage, I think).

I'm so glad everything looks to be progressing well for you. :)

Nowheymama said...

Good for you for doing what is right for you!

And, I want Taco Bell, too. Why is that?!

Saly said...

I’m glad that you talk about it. It must be hard to go through and I know that for me talking about it would be a survival technique.

Still thinking of you and sending all my good juju your way.

Swistle said...

I remember when I read that they think 1 in 11 pregnancies is twins, but that the twin is miscarried before the woman even knows she's pregnant, and I was like "!!!"

I'm the same as you: I tell early, because I wouldn't want to have to hide being sad.

Jess said...

I imagine, having never been pregnant, that I won't tell people right away. However, if I do have a miscarriage, I might tell people after the fact. I guess, not knowing how I'd feel, I'd want to wait and see whether I felt like talking about it, rather than being obligated to do so whether I wanted to or not.

d e v a n said...

I think I know more people who HAVE had a m/c than who HAVEN'T!
I found that telling people helps too.

Michelle said...

I think it is important to talk more about miscarriages. We told everyone in our family and our closest friends as soon as we knew we were pregnant. One friend was shocked that we told her so soon. I explained that I didn't plan on hiding anything if I miscarried. There would be no reason to.

Mommy Daisy said...

It is amazing how many people have experienced loss through miscarriages. Matt and I are shocked (and a little scared) by how many people we know who have lost babies (born and unborn) in the last year or so. Probably just the age we are in life, but still!

For me it's not the miscarriage problem, but it's the getting pregnant problem. I am always shocked to find out how many people have or had fertility problems too.

Daycare Girl said...

I am squarely in your camp- after my first miscarriage it seemed like the only women I knew of who hadn't had one were my mom and sister. it's amazing how many have to go through it.