Saturday, April 12, 2008

Not The WORST Day Of My Life, But...

Our realtor called on Thursday to let me know we had a showing at twelve thirty the next afternoon. So, the cleaning commenced- I'm beginning to get it down to a science, actually. I should hire myself out as a professional speed cleaner. "Unexpected guests? In-laws called to say they'll be there in an hour? Let Semi-desperate Housewife come to your rescue!"
But I digress. The point was, the next morning as I was doing all the last minute things (finishing up laundry, wiping down kitchen and bathroom counters, mopping the floor, making beds, hiding toothbrushes, etc.) Eli was sick and snuffly and wailing mournfully the whole time. But, I had to have the house spotless and everyone out the door by twelve fifteen, so besides changing diapers, setting up movies, and doling out food, I wasn't doing a lot of cuddling and entertaining. It just wasn't possible. Usually this is no biggie. Not ideal, but the kids don't seem too traumatized. Yesterday, however, Eli was MISERABLE, and so I felt a combination of "Hurry, hurry, must clean" stress and "Terrible mother with screwed priorities" stress/guilt. I was in a pretty horrible mood by the time I finally loaded up the car (that's kids AND dog, remember) and headed out.
My parents live about two minutes away, so when I have a morning or afternoon showing, I've been taking us all over to their house and locking the dog in the garage. My mom has a playroom set up for the kids, plus they have a better cable package than we do, so it's kind of a nice little reward for the kids and me after the whirlwind cleaning sessions. I was really looking forward to setting Addy up with her dollhouse and laying on the couch watching TLC while finally snuggling my poor sick boy.
Alas, it was not to be. We recently had some trouble with my car, and in the process of getting it back and forth to the shop, Jim and I ended up switching cars and never bothered switching back. Which means we also switched key rings. Which means HE HAD MY KEY TO MY MOM'S HOUSE. I pulled up in the driveway, let the dog out to pee, then went up to unlock the door and felt the knowledge slowly dawning upon me. I swear you could probably have SEEN the light bulb go off above my head.
I got back in the car with the muddy pawed, wound up dog and pulled back out, wondering where the heck we were supposed to go with two hungry kids, one enormous dog, and a mom who was still in her (mismatched) pajamas because she didn't take the time to shower and didn't think anyone was going to see her. I wasn't even wearing a BRA, people, and let's just say that when you're breastfeeding, the girls aren't able to run free unnoticed. You might as well slap on a sign that says, "Hey, look at my hooters!"
So I just kind of... drove around. I decided to go to Wendy's because it was across town and I figured that in the lunch hour traffic I might just kill enough time. It worked out pretty well, except that as soon as I got the food in the car, the dog started salivating so wildly that the slobber was dropping in steaming globs into my handbag. Bon appetite! Also, I cannot even IMAGINE what I looked like to that girl in the drive thru window. Two yelling kids, giant, panting, vacant-eyed dog, piles of laundry, and me in my plaid pj's. I was really wishing for a cloak of invisibility, but I was wishing for a Diet Coke just a LITTLE bit more, so I swallowed the shame. It was thick going down, let me just tell you.
So! I finally make it home, give Addy her food and start spooning carrots into the baby's hungry little pie hole, then lastly get to eat myself. Get kids down for a nap, and feel myself slowly relaxing for the first time all day. My sister was home from school for the weekend and came over to hang out with me for awhile, so that was good too. At that point I really needed some adult conversation other than the frantic voice inside my own head.
It was seeming like it was going to be a nice afternoon after all. Then Jim called and told me that our realtor had just spoken with him. You guys, another couple is buying the house we want. The sale isn't pending yet, and they have to sell their house before they can buy, just like us, but they're moving here from Maryland and are a little more desperate than we are. So I guess they're trying to work out a land contract deal with the sellers until their home back in Maryland sells. The realtor said nothing is definite but it seems like it's going to work out, so unless we get an offer on our house, like, THIS WEEK, we're probably going to lose our deal on the other place.
This was not a happy day. I felt okay at first, all zen and "Se la vie" and "I guess it wasn't the house for us." Now I feel all bitter and sullen. My heart has its hands shoved deep in its pockets and is spitefully kicking its toe in the gravel that is this crappy situation.
To top it all off, Jim was playing basketball yesterday and sprained his ankle pretty badly. He was supposed to play in an alumni tournament at his old high school today with all his friends, and now he has to sit and watch. The disappointment is being generously ladled out all over this weekend.

Edit: AND my sister tried to make me cookies yesterday to soften the blow, and they ended up being burnt and inedible (fault of recipe, not her.) Is there no solace?


Mimi said...

I'm so sorry about the house news. We were similarly disappointed last summer when we couldn't sell our house and the house we wanted got scooped up from under us. So we decided to make the best of our current house until the market improves.
It could still work out for you, so don't give up hope yet though.

JMC said...

Oh, that SUCKS! But maybe you're crappy day will result in an offer from the people that looked at your house. Fingers crossed for you!

Banana said...

Sucky Suck! I'm so sorry - I hate it when the universe conspires to make everything go wrong at the same time. Urg. I'm sending out good thoughts your way.

Swistle said...

I keep telling myself, "Just because SD is so funny when bad things happen, that DOESN'T MEAN you should wish for bad things to happen to her!"

Also: I would TOTALLY hire a speed-cleaner.

Also also: I am really, REALLY hoping you sell your house.

d e v a n said...

Bummer! I hope for some kind of housing miracle for you guys.
I had to laugh at the bit about the Diet Coke. lol

clueless but hopeful mama said...

The whole switching of key rings/no bra on situation is one I would do/have done MANY times.

I agree with Swistle. I don't want to wish bad days on you but I do LOVE to read about them. They happen to the best of us but most of us don't write about it as well as you do!

Maggie said...

Oh no! Talk about having a totally sucky day...ick!

I will cross my fingers that you get your house sold before the other people. And that you get the house instead of them.

I think that you could totally start a speed cleaning business...I'm willing to bet that it would be so successful that you could train other people to do the cleaning and not have to even do it yourself - double bonus!

Jana said...

So sorry to hear about the house(s)! I hope you beat those losers from Maryland and get the house you want.

And I'll hire you to come clean my house. Seriously. How much do you want?

Musings of a Mom said...

That is a big bummer but I am still praying! There's still time left for a miracle.

P.S. you can always crash at our house

Anonymous said...

Ohhh, hugs. House buying and selling stinks. I hope next week is better.

Bird said...

I do think that sometimes things work out. So, maybe the Maryland couple won't be able to sell their house. The market is complete crap right now. OR maybe you'll find an even better house that will blow your socks off. My husband and I were completely bummed when we moved back home because the Real Estate prices were so high that we couldn't afford to live in a brand-new house like we did in Arkansas. Instead, we ended up in an twenty-year-old house in a historic neighborhood. It's two blocks from the elementary school, four blocks from the parish's walking trail, Santa passes by at Christmas, and the yard is huge. Everyone who comes over talks about how great the neighborhood is. I love it here.

Still, sucky news is sucky news. I'm sorry.

Susiewearsthepants said...

I have been forced to go through the drive thru looking shall we say, less than perfect. Alas my invisibility cloaked failed me. Sorry about the house. Maybe you are lucky the deal fell through. Maybe the house has a termite infestation, or mold growing in between the walls. It could be a sign that it wasn't the right house for you. Yes..that's it.

SLynnRo said...

It is bad that when I was reading this, the thing I thought would most suck was having to eat last? I am so not cut out for mothering!

Also, I have a friend that had a baby and is breastfeeing. She is a size 0 and currently has E cup boobs.

Good luck!

Jen said...

Total bummer!

So right there with you. I've been cleaning every morning with a toddler and two dogs swirling around, all the while being 37 weeks pregnant.

All for showings that are few and far between.

Which makes me want to scream.

Hey, a piece of helpful news... we're trying to sell in MD and we're getting nowhere. Maybe this other couple will take JUST long enough to sell your house to be behind you so you can have the place you want. Here's to hoping :)

By the way, I'm new to your blog, but I love it. Thanks for the laughs :)

Anonymous said...

Oh no!!!! I am so sorry. I hope the other couple runs into trouble of some kind so you can have your house.

I so totally feel you about schlepping the kids/dogs around during a showing. I am so tired of it. Though we haven't had a showing in over a month so maybe I shouldn't complain. I am so freaking tired of trying to get rid of this damn house, I don't even know what to do anymore. Sigh.

Sorry, this is about you, right? I am sorry, though. Truly.

Annie said...

I swear it is uncanny how similar our lives are. You articulate it so well--and hilariously! In the past year we have lost two houses we really wanted, largely due to our house not being sold and other buyers being a little more aggressive/desperate than us. And my husband just called a few minutes ago to tell me he got elbowed VERY hard in the ribs playing flag football. Last year he had a horrifically sprained ankle (crutches!) from playing basketball. I don't know how you are keeping your house clean with two little ones though. I can't do it. It is just impossible. I hope your weekend got better!!

Jill said...

If it's any consolation, I was chatting with some guy at the Home Depot the other day and he was saying how they were in a similar situation (the house they wanted went to someone else). Come to find out, the day after the other people closed on the house he wanted the pipes burst and the basement flooded. So, um, if the MD people get the house you could always hope for that?
We didn't get the first place we wanted either, but we're actually ok with it b/c we ended up loving the place we just bought. blah blah silver-linings

Tessie said...

Oh, COME ON housebuyers!

It's funny when you were asking yourself where you should go when you were locked out, I TOTALLY thought "Wendy's". Heh.

andi said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't believe you can write such a funny post about such a craptastic day.

The only way for the universe to make up for a day where everything went wrong, is for you to now have a day where everything goes right. I expect to see a blog post here in a few days in which you have the best day ever. Seriously, this has to happen. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

LoriD said...

I guess you've made up your mind to move? Because GAH!!! this house-showing business sucks.

I know that sinking feeling of having the wrong keys. I've had three kids out of the car waiting impatiently on the front porch as I discover that I have Homer's car keys (he carries his house key on a separate ring). Wendy's was a good call.

Mommy Daisy said...

Ugh, ugh, and ugh! That stinks. Here's hoping all your hard work in frantic cleaning pays off REALLY soon.

I love how you paint a picture so well I'm actually laughing at the drooling dog in your car at Wendy's. So funny. (Although I'm sure it was NOT at all funny in that moment.)

Pickles & Dimes said...

What a crappy day! Ugh.

I HOPE HOPE HOPE your house sells TODAY.

(If it helps a little, this post was so well-written and funny. To me. After the fact. Since it didn't happen to me.)

saly said...

Man that totally sucks. I commend you for not colapsing and just sobbing on the floor.

Astarte said...

Oh, I'm SOOO SORRY about the house!!!! That's terrible, you poor people. Bad enough to be having a hard time selling the house you Don't Want, but to lose out on the house you Do Want is just awful.

I had to laugh at the image of you and the kids and dogs in the drive-thru! When we sold our last place, that was totally me at the Chik-Fil-A window, with two pissed kids and two dogs drooling and frantically trying to squeeze their huge noses out the tiny slit in the van rear windows.

All I can say is, if you end up losing this house, at least the worst will already have happened, the pressure is off, and you can relax somewhat about selling the one you already have.

Oh, and another thing - don't kill yourself with tidying up. We sold our last place, no lie, in the middle of a tropical storm, when we didn't know anyone was coming because the power was out and we didn't get the message!!! They arrived soaking wet, Patrick didn't even have PANTS on, and we didn't have lights. Go figure.