Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Oprah Is Giving Me A Complex

Usually by the afternoon I am feeling pretty bored and more than a tad self-pitying. I lie there on the couch and obsess over things like how long it's been since I shaved my legs, and how the callouses on my heels are disgusting and oh my Lord am I sick of laying here staring at them. I examine with grim self-loathing the cellulite creeping down to my knees, and the stretch marks creeping up on my belly. I bemoan my stringy hair and think about how I would really like to go immediately to the nearest hair salon and get it cut and colored. I feel as though my life is very hard indeed.
And then Oprah comes on, shaming me with tales of Darfur and quadriplegics and the Lost Boys of Sudan who walked thousands of miles across the desert to escape. I have also been given several issues of her magazine to keep me occupied, and usually after reading a few of the articles I feel like a selfish, oblivious, over-indulged American who doesn't read enough, give enough, think enough, or care enough (about things that matter, anyways.)
So, now I have a guilt complex to go with my furry legs and unkempt eyebrows. But also, for the record, isn't Oprah the one who touted that book The Secret on her show? So we will take her sometimes self-righteous wisdom with a grain of salt. I still like her magazine, though.
In other news, here is a list to date of things I have accomplished and/or things that have been accomplished by someone else on my behalf since I have been on bedrest:
1. Nursery painted and decorated.
2. Curtains for Adelay's room finally found, purchased, and hung.
3. A year's worth of photos either filed or scrapbooked.
4. A crosstitch of Tigger very nearly completed, to be hung in the boy's room.
5. A name almost certainly decided on- but not yet to be revealed.
6. My eyebrows allowed to go unplucked, since they were previously way too thin and I didn't know how to solve the problem since I didn't want to go out in public with stray hairs all over my face. But, get ordered to stay in your house 24/7, and suddenly you are handed the perfect opportunity to let those eyebrows go crazy. I think once they're all back in, I'll go get them waxed, since I clearly can't be trusted to tweeze with restraint.
7. Adelay taught to make farm animal sounds based on a wooden puzzle she likes featuring various barnyard creatures. (This was all me, thank you very much.)
8. Addy peed on the potty THREE times this week! And also on the bathroom floor, but still! She is clearly a prodigy with the potty skills. Not even two! And still randomly pees on the little potty if someone rushes her there at the exact time she is planning to pee in her diaper! Amazing!


What Works For Us said...

I ran across your blog and had to tell you your Oprah comments were hilarious! LOL!!

Devan said...

Man, I had to quit watching Oprah for all the reasons you listed.
The potty training comments were hilarious! lol

Swistle said...

Hang in there! It's getting close now!

Omaha Mama said...

I know what you mean. Sometimes I just wish Oprah would stick with celebrity interviews, product reviews, and diet/exercise topics. She can really depress me too!

Hang in there with the bed rest - and don't stress about those callouses. You'll have to treat yourself to a deluxe pedi once baby is here.