Ways to exhaust yourself completely, trigger lots of contractions, and occasionally induce heartburn, yet accomplish absolutely nothing save to drive yourself crazy:
-Sweep and mop your front hall, kitchen, and laundry room
-Scrub your bathroom within an inch of its life
-Vacuum under every single sofa cushion in the house, as well as the cushions themselves
-Dust entire house, including baseboards
-Rearrange all the picture frames and knick knacks in the living room (several times)
-Walk around the mall
-Walk around the farmer's market
-Walk around K Mart
-Eat seafood and Chinese food
-Take evening primrose oil capsules
-Carry your toddler around everywhere
-Pack your hospital bag
-And of course, that most foolproof of tactics to bring along baby, Have Sex Around The Beach Ball That Is Your Belly
Grrr. This baby is more than stubborn than his sister right from the womb. I'm incredibly happy he's made it this far, but now I am ready to kick him out, I'm afraid. I mean, I'm very excited to meet him, too, and get to see his little face and introduce him to his family, but also, especially at two in the morning when I'm tossing and turning and peeing every half hour, I want him to GET OUT GET OUT!
Every single time I answer the phone or make a call, I must answer the ever popular "Are you in labor?" question. It has replaced "Hi" and "What's up?" as the standard greeting everywhere, apparently. I'm really wishing I had not broadcast to everyone my and my doctor's expectation that I would again go into labor within days of being off bedrest. So much for that. Every morning I wake up still pregnant is a mockery. Plus, I'm getting a little worried- sure I did natural childbirth last time, but I had a short labor and a five pound baby. Can I really hack it this time around if this baby just keeps growing and growing in there? I'm gonna have an eight pounder by the time this kid decides to grace us with his presence!
I have decided the Good Lord must have made the last month of pregnancy so torturous just to ensure that women would actually be HAPPY about going into labor. When else are you thinking, "Oh, this is getting painful- yes! At last! Here comes the awful part!"
Anyone else have any totally useless "go into labor" suggestions that I may try just for the sport of it?