Saturday, February 07, 2009

To Whom It May Concern

Kitchen. Stop getting so gd filthy every day, defying my nightly scrubbing. You are sapping my will to live. (Floor beneath high chair, I am looking at YOU.)

Head. Stop aching constantly, for no conceivable reason, and in spite of all the water drinking I am doing to help you out even though I don't really enjoy chugging water. You are making me worried. And cranky.

Hair. Please PLEASE stop being so frizzy and dry and unmanageable. I only wash you every other day, I rarely use a hot iron to tame you, and I recently got about five pounds of you thinned out. I lavishly apply expensive condition and even let it SOAK instead of rinsing immediately. So just give in, okay? Lay down and relax for awhile.

Hands. Stop cracking and splitting around my fingertips, causing me no small amount of pain during totally routine activities such as opening car doors and zipping coats. Your delicate, fragile act is getting real old. You'd better toughen up, because all that dish scrubbing and hand washing? It's not going away any time soon. Deal, my friends.

Coffee. Also, Wine. Thank you, my friends. Many thanks. My gratitude to you is immeasurable, and my reluctance to give you up (see, ttc next month) is not insignificant.

10 comments:

Hillary said...

OMG yes! screw you, Floor Under The Highchair, you filthy horrid jerk.

d e v a n said...

Ug, floor under high chair sucks. My skin does the same thing around the nails, and my hands are so dry they are painful. Lotion even burns. I guess we need to quit doing dishes.
Good luck next month!!

Kelsey said...

I hear you on the floors - although I don't necessarily fight that battle with much effort these days. I guess the baby will have a strong immune system!

Mattie said...

Try Fashionista Smooth & Shine to tame the locks it works great. Shampoo & condition like you always do, but then a small amount of Smooth & Shine worked in to your hair then dry it. Silky hair everytime. It's by Bed Head

Essie makes a great nail pen with apricot oil... You twist it and it has just the right amount of apricot oil for the cuticle. perfect and not messy

Jess said...

My mother always said that she couldn't imagine how hellish it would be to have a small child and no dog to clean up everything the kid dropped on the floor.

RachelAnn said...

haha nice

desperate housewife said...

Jess- but we DO have a dog! He can only do so much about the macaroni and cheese splatters, crusty milk droplets, and dried marinara sauce, though.

Melospiza said...

Superglue!

Superglue those little cracks on your fingertips. Yes, it's totally toxic, but MY GOD it makes life livable again.

I live in Colorado. I know whereof I speak. Or something.

Astarte said...

I use Nivea body creme. It comes in a tub with a screw-off lid, and it's great. My knuckles do the same thing, and, OW!!!! Plus, also, try liquid bandaid, which stings but may help. Also, superglue isn't a totally bad idea - many ERs are using it now, although it may be a clinical version, I think it's the same thing. Ask the pharmacist next time you stop by the store - I'm pretty sure I've seen something like that at CVS.

Astarte said...

Oh, and also - VO5 Detangler works MIRACLES on my staticy hair, so maybe it would help you? I use it like a leave-in conditioner, and it smells great, too.