Oh, Why Not?

Resolutions for 2009:

-Stop wasting inordinate amounts of time rearranging picture frames and candles every time I dust, thereby leaving a lack of time in which to do things of actual importance, like dishes and laundry and emptying the eye-wateringly pungent diaper pails.

-Stop buying and then throwing away, rotted and unopened, bags of produce such as asparagus and winter squash.

-Keep alive the five houseplants in my care. One of them belongs to my mother, so even though it LOOKS fine I have every reason to believe it will up and die right before I'm supposed to return it, just to spite me. Another is a pot of ivy that has seemed, over the past few months, to be resignedly giving up its will to live on top of my refrigerator. I keep expecting to come into the kitchen one morning and find it has jumped to its death.

-GET MY HAIR THINNED. Really, my head should be counted as a sixth houseplant. An out of control houseplant that needs sternly pruned back.

-Cook a from-scratch type of dinner at least three nights a week. I was embarrassed over the holidays when several out of town guests, after hanging out at our house for awhile, remarked on the large number of pizza boxes stacked in the garage.

-Stop leaving my contacts in overnight. Honestly. Who does that? Frequently, even?

-To not have let the yard go to hell in a hand basket by mid-July, which is what has always happened heretofore.

-To stay on top of medical/insurance stuff, which always overwhelms me. And which is bound to overwhelm me further for awhile, as Jim's company is switching plans this year. Just as we're about to start filling prescriptions for Clomid and paying for weekly progesterone shots. Also, the new OB practice doesn't accept debit cards, which is what our flexible spending account used the last couple of years, so I either have to make sure we can get checks written from the new flexible account or just file claims for reimbursement each and every time I or the kids go to the doctor. Which is like, twice a day.

-Make summer dog grooming appointment in February, rather than waiting until April or May, when Fonzie starts shedding alarming clumps of hair onto every surface, and then making a frantic call only to find out that their next available time slot is at the end of September.

-Get my pretty winter coat mended before yet another year goes by in which I don't get to wear it due to the giant rip in the seam.

-And, of course, go to the Y at least three times a week! Lose at least five more pounds! And then get pregnant! And gain at least thirty pounds! (Brings to mind that Lifehouse song, "Sick Cycle Carousel"...)

Well, there. That seems like a long enough list to briefly feel energized about and then ignore completely, doesn't it?