Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Today was especially productive. I wrote two thank you notes, mended a pair of Jim's pajama pants, repaired a rip in a throw pillow AND the torn leg of Eli's plush Spiderman, sorted and put in albums approximately a hundred photos, and finished up the first season of Mad Men.

Oh, and spent at least twenty minutes crying about how crappy this bedrest situation is for every single person involved, and how I feel like my lousy cervix has singlehandedly put strain upon my relationships with every single person I care about, and how I cannot believe that I'm not even halfway done yet with this whole bedridden gig.

I'm really bearing up like a saint, I know. It just sucks hardcore, frankly, some days. Other days, like yesterday, are fine. Eli napped for three hours (cue the angels singing) and Addy went down the street to play with the neighbor girls all afternoon, while I watched Mad Men in peace and my sister kindly cleaned our whole house in preparation for our meeting with the doula that night. Someone from church brought over dinner, and well, the whole day seemed kind of perfect, for awhile. Except that Eli's nap was prefaced by yet another screaming fit; also, getting the kids to actually eat their dinner, then cleaning up from dinner, took all of Jim's time from the minute he walked in the door to the time the doula arrived. Then he got to discuss episiotomies and perineal massage for two hours! Lots of down time for him!

Anyways, this is just a grumpy rant. Overall, I am kind of getting used to bedrest again, rather than spending the entire day twitching in misery from the longing to get up and DO stuff. Certainly I'm getting a lot of books read (Kelsey sweetly sent me a bunch of Jennifer Weiner books which were really fun and quite well written. I thought I had read her before, but it must've been some other chic lit author, 'cause I liked these books a LOT more than the ones I was thinking of.) I am really, really enjoying Mad Men, and when that's done I plan to move on to How I Met Your Mother. I've been meaning to watch both of those shows for a long time, and there is no better way to watch a series, in my opinion, than in big obsessive gulps, as opposed to a little teasing sip each week.

Also, I don't miss doing dishes or laundry one little bit. Or even cooking, frankly. And helping wipe Eli's rear? Not pining for that just yet, either.

So those things are the upside of bedrest. But oh, it is killing me that I'm going to be laying on a stupid couch during Eli's third birthday party this weekend. That I haven't gotten to help Addy get dressed for her first soccer games this week, much less attend. That all day long I am forced to choose between asking my sister or husband for every. single. thing. I want/need (water, remote control, turn the fan on, new book, stamps for Eli's party invites) or cheat on my doctor's orders to get up and get it myself. That all I can do is listen while Addy and Eli squabble or act up or throw fits about eating. If I try to intervene from the couch, it just makes it worse. If I say nothing and leave the situation to whoever is supervising, I feel negligent and lazy, staring at the TV and thinking LA LA LA while someone else handles my kids.

My kids, who half the time are tearfully hugging all over me and saying they miss me (which literally, physically hurts me, like a Braxton Hicks in my freaking HEART) or are actively ignoring me as I try to reign them in from my couch, gleeful in the knowledge that there's nothing I can do to enforce myself. I feel for them a great, bewildering tangle of pity and irritation. Kind of like they feel towards me, I suppose. Arrgh.

9 comments:

Jana said...

Oooh, Mad Men is a great show to watch while on bed rest, especially when you get to watch Betty be such a wonderful mother (ha, ha). If nothing else, her character will make you feel like you're Mother of the Year, despite the knife to the heart emotions your kids are giving you.

CAQuincy said...

Sounds as if you're keeping your sanity--somewhat. ;-) Keeping you in my thoughts!

Katy said...

Gah. Gah. Gah. This too shall pass or something like that, right? I'd be a screaming mad woman by now, so I'll just nominate you for sainthood and be done with it.

Hillary said...

I think you're handling it better than I would be. Enjoy HIMYM. It's one of our favorite shows.

Shelly Overlook said...

Mad Men is divine. I just love the costumes. Not to mention Don Draper, ass that he is, is quite fine to look at when you're trying to pass the time.

Hang in there!

Mimi said...

Man, bedrest sounds tough! I'm not being sarcastic, either. Hang in there, girl.

I love watching whole seasons of shows at a time too. I'm glad you're watching Mad Men! Love that show.

bananafana said...

I'm so so so so so sorry! Guilt on top of boredom on top of worry - I think you're entitled to daily crabby rants if you so choose. It will pass! I know you're feeling like you're not even halfway through the bedrest but at the same time think how close you are!!!!!! I don't know if that helps or makes it worse - I'm hoping it helps. And, for what's worth, we love how I met your mother so I hope that makes the time pass a little more quickly.

Jess said...

It seems UNFAIR that on top of everything else, you have to feel GUILTY about the bedrest. Nobody expects you to be a saint, though. This shit is HARD.

Kelsey said...

The hardest part sometimes is wanting it to be over, but NOT wanting it to be over...

I'm glad you liked the books! Good in Bed and Certain Girls are great and she also has two newer ones, Best Friends Forever and Fly Away Home. So send someone to the library! :-)

You will all get through this and it will be just a foggy memory. BUT go ahead and allow yourself to feel how much it sucks, because it really does.

You can do it!!!