Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Oh hi! Oh hi everyone! I miss you so much. I miss writing so much. But in order for the laundry to be kept up on and a certain level of sanitation maintained in the house (read: not necessarily dusted, but at least with the mildew scrubbed out of the tub on a semi-regular basis,) and the children kept fed and changed and sort of clean and myself kept sufficiently fed (which is apparently a full time job in itself,) well... Blogging has had to be back-burnered for the time being. Plus my computer at home is a little BITCH (sorry Mom!) and only turns on and stays on about one out of every three tries. Sometimes just the idea of messing with it long enough to get the internet up is too exhausting, and I am forced to flop to the couch and watch Oprah instead.
I have been doing lots of baking, though, which is very out of character for me. Hey, stress eating is my new hobby! This weekend I am attempting CHEESECAKE for a baby shower I'm hosting. PRAY for this cheesecake, friends, that it will survive a night in my house and make it to the party untouched.

And here, for your reading pleasure, is the one post topic which has managed to stick in my head all this week: The Perfect Mother. And how I am not her, no matter how hard I try. I mean, I seriously don't know how moms who also have full-time jobs DO it. How do you keep your house clean, your clothes washed, your cupboards stocked, your children bathed and fed and dressed and sufficiently loved on, meals cooked, various birthday gifts remembered and shopped for and wrapped, appointments scheduled, and still hold down a job? I feel like I am doing these things by the seat of my pants, and I have all day to devote to it!
And these are just the things that must be done. There is also the fact that I hope to still maintain a sex life, keep up with my friends, have a hobby or two, and find time to shave my legs at least once a week. But everything, every little childcare issue or chore or grooming task, be it plucking my eyebrows or changing Addy's diaper or remembering to trim the baby's nails, must be fit in between CONSTANT NURSING. I feel like my brain is churning twenty-four seven, firing off little telegram reminders: "Buy toilet paper! Brush hair! Bathe baby! Wipe counter! Sweep crap off floor! Call doctor's office!" And I hate the way whole days will go by in which I feel like I have accomplished nothing, even though I have felt busy and stressed the whole time.
Is this normal, to feel like you just can't get it all done, no matter how fast your brain is flying and how many post-it reminders you leave all over the house? Is it normal to be gritting your teeth in frustration because just when you sit down to play Legos with your toddler, your baby starts fussing, and now you can't enjoy either the block playing or the nursing with your whole heart, because you know your other baby is wanting you,too? I wish I could clone myself so I could be everywhere, meeting everyone's needs, at the same time.
Just to get this post written, I've had to be rocking the bouncy seat with one foot and getting up and down to play with Addy in between the rocking. And I just love them both SO much, but there's just this mounting fatigue....
Well, here's an example for you: The other day, one of my non-mom friends was over, holding the baby, and she asked, "Don't you just hate to put him down, ever?" And Jim and I looked at each other wearily and answered in one voice, "No. We're excited." Which sounds horrible, but please understand that Eli fusses a lot when he's awake, even when fed and changed and warm, because he wants to be held. This is fine and I am happy to cuddle him as much as he needs, but when he's finally asleep and quiet, my first thought is not usually, "Oh man, I sure wish I could just sit here for ANOTHER hour holding this hot heavy bundle!" It's more like, "Oh sweet! Now I can shower and brush my teeth and maybe get a glass of ice water and watch a sitcom with Jim before Eli needs me again!"
So anyways, that's the state of things here at Semi-Desperation Central!


The Mommy Years said...

LOL - I'm a WOOTHM - I hire people to do the crappy work that I have no time or patience for ... the stuff I can't con hubby into doing for me! The new love of my life is the girl who cleans my house (I'm threatening to kick J out & marry her, except for the whole sex life thing) He hired a yard company several years ago, so this is my splurge.

I have to pick and choose what to deal with or I will never sleep. Cleaning & laundry was my first "NO" choice!

Good luck hon ~ I don't know how SAHM do it some days. I like my 8 hours of adult conversation and no diapers hehehehe.

Devan said...

Trust me, I'm living this with you except a few months ahead. When Eli starts spacing out nursings it will start to feel easier.
What's really annoying is that when you FINALLY get to sit or lie down, there is that little secretary in your head going "you forgot to feed the dog today. call the dentist. you really should start walking again, you don't want to gain 50 lbs with this pregnancy do you?"
So irritating.

Marie Green said...


Been there, done that. I can't figure out how to balance everything either. We've developed some "systems" that help, but it's still a struggle to keep ahead of everything...

The constant nursing? THAT is what you are accomplishing every day. THAT is a big deal, and a big job, and a wonderful gift to your son. Remind yourself of this when you start to feel frazzled!

Swistle said...

1) I have missed you!

2) I think you'd better make TWO cheesecakes, just to be sure.

3) I know just what you mean about the constant yammering of the To Do List.

Kelli in the Mirror said...

I've missed you too!

I think sometimes I envy moms who work out of the house because they're not THERE during the day messing it up and having to keep it at least as clean as it was when hubby left in the morning. My sister in law's house is immaculate, and I think part of it is just because nobody is there all day.

And working from home is not so good for that. Keeping eight kids here means I STRUGGLE to just stay on top of the kitchen and playroom, and completely ignore the rest of the house.

Devan's right though, it will get easier when Eli's not nursing so much.

And go you, thinking about the sex life with a 6week, 4day old. :)

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Good luck with the cheesecake. And why are you hosting this shower, crazy girl!?

Anyway, I absolutrly identify with your constanting making a list brain.

Lisa said...

I actually find that by working outside the home part time I have MORE time to do some of the things you mentioned. I can sit at my desk and make calls to schedule appointments, run errands during lunch WITHOUT any kids to tag along, and enjoy lunch out alone which can be very nice. I think if I stayed home all day every day I'd be more disorganized than I am by working a few days a week.

Things will be get easier too as the kids grow. The early infant days are very hard, but you are doing a great job!

Nadine said...

The post really reasonates with me. I feel *exactly* like you do. I'm constantly busy, yet never really having anything to show for it, ya know?

Anyway great blog, and thanks for writing down what so many SAHMs feel every single day.


clueless but hopeful mama said...

I found your blog just before your recent addition. I still check it daily hoping that you got a spare second to write but knowing that you are in the thick of craziness right now and I should really not be so selfish and just start hoping for you to have a good night's sleep.

I only have 1 kid but the first 2 months of her life kicked my baby-lovin' a$$ and I can't imagine doing it all over again with a toddler too. You are truly a superstar and even though the babes can't say that to you yet, hopefully you'll hear it enough from those of us who know how hard this all is.

Mommy Daisy said...

If I remember right, it got better after the first few crazy months. Then a few months later it got better and so on. Think of how easy Addy is on her own. Eli will be that way too. And all too soon. I think you do a great job keeping it all together, and I don't know how you keep up with all the extra things you do.